Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

All Hell Breaks Loose

The past few days have shown Grandma and I that not only is Karma a "bitch," she is a dirty two-timing whore with an ineffectual case worker, a scorching heroin addiction and a grotesque sense of humor.

So let's talk, you and I. Let me tell you about our week as Hubert Selby Jr. characters. Happy fucking holidays!!! WELCOME TO OUR HELL. It's alright, Seymour. You'll see!

It will all work out in the end.

Sunday Grandma was the subject of a column in a local paper, the Akron Beacon Journal. The article was well written, but let some cats out of some bags that we had intended to keep tightly closed until final confirmations were made. To clarify things, we have been in contact with Good Morning America about a possible appearance in the coming weeks; we don't know if it will ever reach fruition, we don't know if they're still interested, we only know there may still be hope that Grandma will get to be on the show. She's VERY excited about the idea, but we'll have to wait and see.

Tuesday afternoon, Grandma was a guest on NPR's Here and Now (click the NPR logo to hear Grandma on the show.)

The crooked bastards at MCI switched our phones from the house at which we still currently occupy to the house in which we intend to move WAY too early, so we didn't have a phone for the interview. On top of our inability to make phone calls, the poor guy who still resides at said "new house" almost had his phone turned off as well in the mess. NPR was still very eager to have Grandma on the show, so they referred her to our closest local NPR affiliate in Kent, Ohio so that we may communicate with Boston. This was Grandma's first time in a studio, so it was an unexpected treat and, as most things involving National Public Radio tend to be, it was a learning experience.

The next day, Q106.5 had Grandma as a guest in Davenport, Iowa. They seemed liked a nice enough bunch of people, but at this point Grandma was dealing with packing everything in her room for the intended move this Friday, and Mom was dealing with getting all the paperwork ready to close the deal on the house, mind-boggling amounts of end of the year preparation at work, packing everything else in the house as the kids get in the way, and a headache that would make grown men shoot themselves. At this point, we now have a temporary number that MCI "graciously" gave us to correct their error, but nobody else has the number; so chaos erupted.

Then came the news.

Without going into many personal details, let's just say that after a couple months of paperwork, meetings, signatures, reassurances and packing, we found out yesterday that there was a possibility that the offer and closing details on the new house may fall through; the process starting from the beginning. When we sold this house, the buyer's offer included the stipulation of a date, December 20th, to which we would have to meet by ...being somewhere else. Meanwhile, we had found our dream home within our costs which agreed to such a date for us to move in. So, if our new house was suddenly out of reach, and the sale of our house here had gone through, we would legally have to vacate the house without anywhere to go.

I was very, VERY close to posting an update as a call for help stating we were becoming homeless. It almost happened. I only waited for news of SOME kind that could clear everything up. "Surely this doesn't happen this way," I thought to myself. "It must be something else, someone can't afford to maintain their bills, they get laid off, the payments increase, SOMETHING else; we had done everything right, how could we possibly be thrown out on the street?!?"

Last night was quiet. We didn't really speak much in anticipation of the bad news. It was solemn. Jose from the Washington Post sent us copies of the front page showing the article featuring Grandma as seen by folks who buy from the newsstand. I had the papers on the desk, e-mails from folks trying to coordinate more interviews, arrangements for guest appearances coming into our inbox and on the voicemail of our permanent number, and suddenly it all felt very cold. What good was any of it if Grandma didn't have anywhere to live? This site would almost definitely die; no internet- and more importantly no electricity or space to power and accommodate her systems, games and television- and most dire of all: no roof; no food- it could all be taken away from us so quickly.

Worst case scenarios flickered ad-nauseum in our heads providing us with an unpleasant seizure of panic-denial/panic-denial repeating until sleep took it away. There could be no drinking, god knows what mistakes we would have made. We needed to keep it together and hope for the best.

Hoping for the best is sometimes the worst thing one can do. Grandma especially has learned this lesson; and applies the technique to just about anything. If one only expects the worst, the absolute most terrifying outcome to each situation, then when good happens, it is merely a mistake from the gods of misery; an oversight; a disciplinarian has forgotten the punishment.

Today we received the call. The bullet appears to be dodged. There are no guarantees. We still hold our breath until the keys to our new house are in hand. It doesn't take much; you can lose everything trying to obtain a slightly better piece of the earth to call your own. In three days, we should be completely moved in to a new house, establishing our home; our comfort, yet again. I would say "you don't know what it's like to come that close" but if it was this easy for us, chances are many of you have gone through something similar.

I hope not.

*phew!* Well, I'm glad this move is almost over with! We WILL have a house, Grandma WILL keep on gaming as much as she wants, and our holidays will not be devoured by sadness. We're going to be HAPPY, god DAMMIT!!

So let's get back to business as usual!

Dana from sunny Florida sent Grandma the perfect gift via the amazing electronic network web thingy yesterday. A $50.00 gift certificate to EBGames!! THANKS, DANA!!! Grandma is having her usual difficulty deciding exactly what she should get, so she needs your help! She's torn between Dragon Quest VIII and Radiata Stories or possibly just putting $50 towards an XBox 360. Help!!!

Post your ideas and recommendations for Grandma so we can get back to some level of normalcy.

Game on!


  • At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The bare possibility of a future in which grandma has nowhere to plug in her game console nearly had me in tears. I am right now doing various dances to my various heathen gods that everything works out for you and your family, and I think I can speak for myself and other grandma-fans when I say that if something horrible does happen, you shouldn't hesitate to put out an alarm call. There's a zillion gamers out here who've got your back. game on.

  • At 3:42 PM, Blogger hugz n drugz said…

    Requiem for a Dream rocks, best movie ever!

  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger jen said…

    i'm glad things are looking up for you and your family with the new house.

    thanks so much for commenting on my blog and the video game recommendations! i love ddr so i'm totally stoked at the possibility of using the pad to help with an RPG.

    please tell your grandma i said "hi" and that she's huge inspiration to us women gamers.

  • At 4:30 PM, Blogger DDREEK said…

    Well unfortunately you are write in thinking that meny of us have been thourgh that and worse, as in having it actually happen. The one thing I learned from the whole thing is as long as you never give up it always gets better. game on

  • At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey guys! I hope everything works out with your house situation. I read Old Grandma Hardcore every day, and I just don't know what I would do if something happened to "our" Grandma. You and your family deserve to have a great holiday, and DAMMIT you will.

    I don't know if Grandma likes fighting games, but I am currently playing the new Mortal Kombat for PS2, Shaolin Monks. It's really really good, and as a girl player who has a hard time remembering all the combos, it's way easier to kick ass.

    ROCK the fuck on Grandma!!

  • At 6:01 PM, Blogger HandOverFist said…

    That must have been quite frustrating. I say if you really want that 360 I'd put it towards one but only god knows why somone would want that thing...I've played it numerous times broke down every game out with friends and come to the conclusion that hype can truly brainwash people. At this point the graphics are NOT IMPRESSIVE, this is from a very unbiased point as I originally wanted an 360. We feel that the hype for the graphics which was supposed to be the gimmick for the 360 truly soars above the actual performance of the 360 so far. None of the games are breathetaking but who knows with years to come. Also the majority of launch games are either boring, on other systems or the PC and looks better on the PC. So unless you really like something on the 360 I'd save the money for it until the next wave of games come out for it, people are brainwashed by the hype and dont really look at the system for what it is, an over hyped, average launching console and I am truly dissapointed. One thing I am impressed with on the 360 is the amazing community they have made. The communication with friends over other games and the friends list along with avatar just gives you a sense of personality. I like that. But there just arent any games to enjoy this community in yet. Just to be on the safe side I'd rock it to some good ol' Dragon Quest.

  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger mw said…

    Well, I got an Exrta room and Game Systems galore for Grandma. Let me now if you need to crash. Luky you your blog is so much more intersting.

  • At 7:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I cannot toot Dragon Quest VIII's horn enough. I love it very much and I suspect Grandma will at least like it.

  • At 7:18 PM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    Hey Grandma, and Tim! I'm sorry to hear things are stressed out for your right now! My mantra right now is, Ya can't worry about tomorrow's pain tonight. If you stress your mind and body too much, its harder to roll with the punches.

    I hope everything goes through for you. You guys will be in my thoughts and I'll make sure to take a shot of vodka for ya!

    Oh, and save up for that 360 man!

  • At 8:24 PM, Blogger ivorynetsuke said…

    ::blushes:: It was my pleasure =)

    Hang in there, guys. You have a lot of people who are thinking about you and wishing you the best in this situation.

    Game on!


  • At 10:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    XBOX360 can wait. Grandma should get DragonQuest VIII and have a happy holiday with that beautiful title. I hope everything works out with the house.

  • At 9:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


  • At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well, Tim and Grandma, if it makes you feel any better, my parents had a helluva time when they moved. The closing of their house took MONTHS due to some unimaginable delay, and they closed on something like three houses in the meantime! We even took a family trip to England and back while waiting for the deal on their old house to close (and after the trip, it still hadn't happened!). I believe they finally did close on the old house before they could move into the new one, so they stayed with relatives in the meantime.

    Not only that, but a friend of mine was in a situation similar to yours, but with an apartment-- she found her new one literally a week before she had to move out of her old one. So, no, take comfort in that you're not alone :) Hope the actual move goes smoother than this whole house-closing deal seems to have.

    Oh, and did you hear what happened to Working Designs?

  • At 3:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ::hug:: I'm so glad everything worked out - BIG RELIEF and many hugs to you guys! Bullet dodged successfully!

    I hope everything turns out as it should, and that soon you will all be settled down and happy in a nice new home. Woo!

    Must run - but many hugs and best wishes to you guys, and take care, be well, and GAME ON!


  • At 4:55 PM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    If you're interested, The Game Chair has a progressive review of DQVIII (http://www.thegamechair.com/?p=274).

  • At 4:55 PM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    P.S. -- I'm very glad that things worked out for your family.

  • At 5:32 PM, Blogger Drew said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • At 5:34 PM, Blogger Drew said…

    man that was a huge post :-/, and helping you guys move in is going to be a BITCH. lol j/k
    but im glad it all worked out

  • At 5:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi guys, cool pic of grandma doing radio, i assume you took the pic tim?? oh house deals are a bitch, i have yet to hear of one that didnt have some kind of glitch that threatens to null it all, realtors are as bad as lawyers, sorry if i offend anyone but TFB! Glad it sounds like yours is going thru, best to you all !! colleen_33

  • At 9:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    DQ8 vs radiata story vs xbox 360? I say DQ8. Radiata Stories was... well... meh. =p

  • At 9:17 AM, Blogger Becky said…

    Ugh, I hope everything goes well with the new house!

    As for Radiata Stories v. DQ8, I have both games, and I'd go for DQ8. Radiata stories is goofy fun, but in the end, there's just not a lot to it. DQ8, on the other hand, is a delightful package of old-school gaming goodness, with amazing production value. I mean, the music is orchestrally scored and the voice acting is actually good!

  • At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Definitely go for DQVII!
    Radiata was pretty blah for me.

    Also, my advice for a 360 would be to wait until the 3rd version release. These 1st-gen systems are flawed up the wazoo!
    The DVD-ROM drawer is too low and when the disc spins, the disc gets the bejeezus scrathed out of it by the lens! (oh... and Microsuck wont replace any of them.)
    check it:

    So, i'm gonna wait until the 1st price drop or until the version 1.3 - 1.4 are out. It should be a tighter, more reliable system.
    (Kinda like the PS2 Dirty Disc Error?? >_< )

  • At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Grandma should put the $50.00 towards an Xbox 360. She should also come post at IGN! We need more women gamers.

  • At 8:57 PM, Blogger Unknown said…

    Good luck on the house. Our luck has really not been great in that area, so we will send prayers and hopes your way.

  • At 10:07 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    What there's a doubt? think "condemned" Unless of course Santa Gates is watching, in which case now would be a good time.

  • At 12:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Nicely sad toDiablo III items say you're publish in thinking that meny individuals are actually thourgh that and even worse, as with getting it really happen. The single thing I learned in the event is just as prolonged when you in no way stop trying it alwaysDiablo 3 Gold kaufen obtains much better. sport on


Post a Comment

<< Home