Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

God of War: A Musical Cavalcade of Grandma

While I don't think Tim Rice would really add the dark atmosphere the lyrics would require, Grandma and I have determined that God of War would make an excellent musical. Tightly choreographed, epic dance numbers would flood the stage in an orgy of blood, fucking, and mythology (you know, for kids!) in a production that would make each playbill drip with sweat by intermission. Hell, they already might make a movie version, so why not go the full monty?

We came to this conclusion around 3:00 this morning.

Grandma- "This SUCKS."
Me- "What?"
Grandma- "I'm wandering around the FUCKING DESERT looking for SIRENS."
Me- "Oh yeah?"
Grandma- "I can't SEE anything!"
Me- "Maybe you have to listen for them. They sing you know."
Grandma- "I don't hear anything but the WIND."
Me- "Maybe if you turn up the volume..."
Grandma- "I still don't hear anything. Why would they sing?"
Me- "You know, to get Ulysses and his men-"
Grandma- "I'm not Ulysses. I am Kratos."
Me- "Yeah, but- they sing is what I'm saying."
Grandma- "I don't think this guy is into music."
Me- "Why not?"
Grandma- "Look at him!"
Me- "I could see this being a musical."
Grandma- "You're a weird kid."

The chapter with the Sirens is wonderfully done; even their voices add an appropriately creepy unnatural minor key while Kratos engages the creatures. Turning up the volume actually helped the game a lot; the music is fantastic! It's appropriately sweeping when it needs to be. To prove this, try playing the game on mute with The Shins playing through some headphones, especially the song "Those to Come."

It just isn't the same.

--More updates coming today!! Thanks for the comments and e-mails everybody!--


  • At 12:25 PM, Anonymous m said…

    i've never played GoW, but after Grammy's review, i think i'll give it a try :'D

    just one question, why are you in the *desert* looking for sirens? weren't they the chicks who lured sailors to their dooms? you know...sailors...ships...water?

  • At 12:40 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    It's a great game, m. You have to get it!

    I don't know what's up with the Sirens strange location in the desert. I remember Ulysses having a ship; but I guess they get creative control. A desert is like the ocean, I suppose. They lead people to their deaths, so... it makes sense, I think.

  • At 1:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just another sad sign of global warming...... :P

    Mama Lombax

  • At 3:07 PM, Blogger Rick Steves said…

    Just wanted to see if Grandma had ever tried Kung Fu Chaos, which has exactly nothing to do with God of War. It's a party game in the same vein as Mario Party, but the concept is that you are an actor on the set of a b chop socky movie. There are several mini game and melee levels. One of the most fun multi player games I have ever played. Grandma and my mom have very similar tastes, and my mom LOVES this game. Worth a rental at least.

    I really like what you have going on here. Keep up the good work!

  • At 11:49 PM, Anonymous ducttapefairy said…

    Coolest grandma I know, I'd like you to meet some fun gamer kitties from Canada. You should have lots in common like making me smile.


  • At 3:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just wanted toD3 Items determine if Nanny acquired ever before tried Kung Fu Turmoil, that's specifically absolutely nothing to use The almighty regarding Struggle. It is a get together video game in the same vein because Mario Social gathering, though the strategy is basically that you tend to be anGuild Wars 2 Items actor on the pair of a b dice socky motion picture.


Post a Comment

<< Home