Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

[Wednesday] SMAGGS #4: Jurassic Park

[This is the fourth post of a mini-six part series I wrote last week for everybody so you would have some fresh stuff about Grandma while we are out camping in the Hundred Acre Wood trying to find some goddamn honey that doesn't have some bitchy rabbit guarding it with sarcasm. We'll be back August 20th when we blog live back in Cleveland once again. Enjoy!]

SHITTY MEMORIES of AWESOME GAMER GRANDMA SHIT
Part 4
Jurassic Park

I read Michael Crichton in the 3rd grade and felt all cool because I could read a book without pictures that was more than 150 large sized type pages. The first one was a black novel nobody was talking about called Jurassic Park. It was a GREAT book. Scary as FUCK. Gruesome and nasty while scientific without being snobby. Then they came out with a movie of the same name, loosely based off the book. (Very loosely) Grandma and I waited in line for two hours with the rest of the hype crowd to see it opening night. We were at the front of the very long line for the next showing, when I hear the Tyrannosaur roar from within the closed theater. About four seconds later, a little girl comes flying out of the theater, and sat against the wall holding her ears rocking back and forth. She was absolutely terrified. That made me anxious. I was about to see something GREAT, or so I thought at the time.

Then it completely ruined my perception of the book. Fuck.

And THEN Grandma brings home a rented Genesis game. Jurassic Park. By this time, I had the Jurassic Park lunch box, the t-shirt, the poster, the trapper keeper; I was a little consumer whore. And now I cast all those items aside in shame after actually seeing the movie. I didn't play the game much.

But Grandma did.

She liked playing as the Raptor more than playing Dr. Grant, I remember that. I remember her pouncing on humans and screaming "STOP SHOOTING ME!!!!" She ran from the T-Rex; she snuck onto the catwalks, she played this thing to death. But all I can remember is my shame.....


THE END!!

[Tomorrow. Here. ....You know. There will be another post and stuff.]

18 Comments:

  • At 5:38 PM, Anonymous terrible_t said…

    y'know, if you jump into that electric fence, you'll get an extra life.

    ~stabs Nedry in his bloated ugly FACE~

    I too hated the movie, only because I had read the book first. Lesson to be learned here: if you wish to be entertained, don't read the book before the movie... even if it means it sits on your shelf for MONTHS ON END.

    (p.s. BARD'S TALE.)

     
  • At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That's freaky, I did the same thing. Read it in 3rd grade and felt all superior like. I didn't really have a problem with the movie, on it's own merits it not bad. Sequels? Yes, bad.

     
  • At 7:00 PM, Anonymous jonathan bennett said…

    I loved the movies but never read the book. Maybe one day I'll read it and see what I was missing out on.

     
  • At 7:02 PM, Anonymous burn said…

    the Snes J. Park game was far superior to the lame excuse for a game that genesis put out.

    The SNES one was a little bit RPG, a little bit FPS, and a WHOLE LOT HARD AS FUCK..

    I still have my SNES cart for that and pull it out once in a while.. It followed the movie surprisingly close, a lot more cohesive to the film then most movie licenced games.

    http://www.consoleclassix.com/gameinfo_jurassicpark_smc.php

    ive you've still got an SNES laying around, i would recommend the 5$ to pick up the cart, or getting the ROM for an SNES emulator for your mac/pc

     
  • At 11:26 PM, Anonymous Brandon said…

    I didn't read the book because at 10 years old I was too busy playing Diablo, C&C, Age of Empires, and Starcraft to read books. Plus with a story like Diablo, dinosaurs seem like pussies. :)

     
  • At 1:57 PM, Blogger Tommy Day said…

    I read the book and loved the movie. You can never have everything from a book in an adaptation, and Speilberg did his best on JP and the result was groundbreaking. Just think, over 10 years and someone is JUST NOW taking on dinosaurs in a major motion picture (King Kong), whats that tell you?

     
  • At 1:58 PM, Blogger Tommy Day said…

    I read the book and loved the movie. You can never have everything from a book in an adaptation, and Speilberg did his best on JP and the result was groundbreaking. Just think, over 10 years and someone is JUST NOW taking on dinosaurs in a major motion picture (King Kong), whats that tell you?

     
  • At 10:04 PM, Anonymous blackroseowl said…

    Oh God, I remember this game! I wasn't any good at it (I have only just become a moderate-ability gamer, and back then I *sucked*) - could only ever get to level 3 on the raptor, and level 2 for Dr Grant. And then I would die. Always, guaranteed. But yeah, I found playing as the raptor much easier, generally. More fun, too.

     
  • At 3:21 AM, Blogger Chris Brown said…

    My favorite movie of all time was Jurassic Park. I was four years old when it came out, and it engulfed my soul. Every once in a while (or every day), I pop in the DVD version of Jurassic Park just to see Donald Gennaro getting eaten. It rules. I've read the book, too, but it's very different than the movie, and Gennaro doesn't get maimed. Ummm, what else? I own the SNES Jurassic Park game, and the lunch box, and the toys (two t-rexes, the Mobile Command Center from the second movie, a mug, plastic cups from fast food places, and craploads more). The King Kong remake is my second favorite movie of all time, but it's a somewhat distant third. There, I put my two cents in.

     
  • At 11:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    loved the book, loved the movie, loved the supernintendo game jp1, playing as raptor? what console is that on? even playing now jp operation genesis, 4 euro, not so special but realy relaxing, note that the seconde book: lost world does not follow up on the first book, instead it follows up on the movie, strange if you read them in a row. ZNEAKY DESIRE from Belgium

     
  • At 1:28 PM, Anonymous child said…

    good site

     
  • At 1:29 PM, Anonymous dating online said…

    good site

     
  • At 1:30 PM, Anonymous swimsuit said…

    good site

     
  • At 1:31 PM, Anonymous Lingeries said…

    good site

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Anonymous iservepharmacy said…

    I think that this is really good, I would like to have a similar memories in my life , excellent thanks for sharing !

     
  • At 12:26 AM, Anonymous Cheap WOW Gold said…

    That's creepy, I did so a similar thing. See clearly within 3rd level and sensed just about all excellent just like Buy RS Gold. I didn't genuinely have an issue with the movie, on your own value the idea beneficial. Sequels? Sure, negative.

     
  • At 2:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Never competed Breeze Waker, i became wanting to delay regarding Twilighting Little princess. Consider that obtained sent back to 2008 I would need to attack the discount container and purchase The wind Waker or maybe 4 Swords.

     
  • At 2:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Never competedcheap diablo 3 Gold Breeze Waker, i became wanting to delay regarding Twilighting Little princess. Consider that obtained sent back to 2008 I would need to attack the discountBillig Guild Wars 2 Gold container and purchase The wind Waker or maybe 4 Swords.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home