Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Grandma Has Destroyed Conker: Live and Reloaded

This game was a lot of fun, or as Grandma put it "Crash Bandicoot with drinking!" Given it's XBox Live capabilities, it's surely a keeper. The voices were well done; although there was a whole lot of dirty words- and Grandma just hates motherfucking dirty ass words damn. The only thing she really struggled with was the combat; or- lack thereof.

When she started shooting things; she was spot on- but running up to something, hitting it with a club and hoping its counter attack doesn't take off two bars of chocolate plants a little buzzer in the back of Grandma's neck that makes her yell once and a while for no reason at all.

She made me proud, though. She got the scene-by scene parodies of Saving Private Ryan; The Matrix (the good one, not the shitty other two); Aliens; Star Wars; A Clockwork Orange (my personal favorite) and just a hint of The Godfather to make it one of those games you watch and wonder "where have I seen this before?" She didn't just laugh because the cutscenes were funny; she got them. For example: at the end one must battle a grown up xenomorph, or "Alien" if you will. A yellow suit appears during the cutscene- Grandma immediately quips without any help from James Cameron "Oh! Sigourney Weaver kills the queen with the LOADING SUIT! I should get that!!!"

After it was all over; she made me dig up our trusty old VHS copy of Aliens to watch some little girl kidnappin', Bill Paxton killin', Mad About You hatin', Bishop impalin' motherfucking ALIENS get the smackdown by the Ghostbustin' Weaver herself. It's funny what you get out of a game sometimes.

--More updates on the way!! Coming up.... Finding A Web Hosting Service That Doesn't Think I'm Into Granny Porn.... The horrors of therapy..... Video #7.... Yes, Grandma Plays Bingo..... etc.,.... Keep e-mailing stuff! Keep commenting! We love you crazy people!--


  • At 12:35 AM, Blogger Drew said…

    cool... i beat it yesterday actualy

  • At 1:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey man. this place is all right. go granmma hardcore.

  • At 6:57 AM, Blogger Jeff said…

    Grandma rocks! I wish I could get my Grandma out of her Atari rut and into some modern console games.

  • At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Hauk said…

    dude..we love you too :P

  • At 6:24 PM, Anonymous dani said…

    Try Jaguarpc.com. I have hosted with them for ages. They are totally awesome, always help when I need it and totally speedy. Have never had a problem for longer than an hour.

  • At 12:40 AM, Blogger Jakanden said…

    I haven't played the X-Box version (I don't own an X-Box as there are only like 4 games I have even been interested in on it) but I LOVED the N64 version. Aside from graphics, does it follow the same story and have the same parodies? The Great Mighty Poo and the Matrix Level were my faves in the whole game heh.

  • At 2:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My partner were Diablo 3 Itemsforced to experience this concerning 5 years previously. There was clearly a phase approximately half a year where the woman could notRunescape Gold stand up through her easy chair with no intensive discomfort.

  • At 7:11 AM, Blogger Musa Kocaman said…

    Türkiye'nin en ucuz ve akıllı en ucuz ürün arama motoru.


Post a Comment

<< Home