Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Grandma Considers Purchase Of Squirrel; Hugging It Until Dead

Grandma is having a go at Conker: Live and Reloaded. Until we have system link capabilities, It's just Grandma playing the Conker's Bad Fur Day. Why oh why didn't you warn me about this game? I received a whole lot of e-mails from a whole lot of different people telling me "Grandma will love it!" and "It's just her type of humor!" To all who recommended this game to Grandma: I will haunt you until you die.

Here's why.

Picture yourself watching some wholesome legislative action on television, cruelly discovering that my copy of San Andreas will become a rarity soon, possibly compromising the future of all Rockstar games; with your significant other on the phone trying to find solace somewhere upon the recent death of a beloved Harry Potter character, for all is not right in the world. Now imagine a laugh, no- a cackle of such uninhibited strength it would not be unlike the amplified collective victory of all super villains played simultaneously on several hundred televisions. I thought someone was hurt.

I run in to the room just in time to hear this:

"A SHIT MONSTER!!! I HAVE TO THROW TOILET PAPER AT THE SHIT MONSTER!!! AHAHAAAHHAAAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

Grandma literally has tears streaming down her face. She absolutely loves this game.

Be prepared for some interesting video. You bastards.

--Keep with the e-mails and comments! More on the way...---

19 Comments:

  • At 11:07 AM, Anonymous jonathan bennett said…

    roflmao. that is so awesome.

     
  • At 11:57 AM, Blogger Ole said…

    I just wandered onto this site, I think from Memepool.com. What a fantastic blog. Give Grandma my best, and suggest that if she enjoyed Devil May Cry, the Onimusha series might rock her world too.

    Of course, if she's already got them all you can ignore that suggestion. The third one was a bit of a let-down, I thought.

     
  • At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Melissa said…

    This would probably suck the bandwidth right out of you, but it sounds like you need a live "Grammy-Cam" so that dozens of fans can tune in to watch your Grandma in LIVE action, like one of those animal-cams the National Zoo has. That would sure make my work day more interesting!

     
  • At 3:56 PM, Blogger Shadowmist said…

    Ur grandma is AWESOME!! I totally wish my grandmas were like her! You should have her try World of Warcraft (I know its not a console game), I really think she'd enjoy it. It'd take her a long time to finish, it at least by her standards I think.(plus w/ the PvP factor it never really ENDS) :) see if she's interested, and if so Nathrezim server ROCKS - my regards to Grandma :D

     
  • At 3:57 PM, Anonymous kcswanko said…

    I just finished Conker for the second time (first being on the N64) and man I knew she would love it. That game is and probably still is a head of it's time.

     
  • At 4:38 PM, Blogger Bstar said…

    Yes the game is a breath of fresh air.

     
  • At 4:41 PM, Blogger sixtythrough said…

    Er, not really, it's a straight port with updated graphics and disappointing multiplayer, I prefered the original N64 version.

     
  • At 4:43 PM, Anonymous DBB said…

    I just recently found this site, and have to say that I just want to still be nuking demons and flinging toilet paper at shit monsters when I'm her age.

    Hopefully with some death metal blaring and pissing everyone in a three mile radius off due to my hearing aid being on the fritz.

    Rock on folks! Best to Grandma!

     
  • At 4:47 PM, Anonymous mole said…

    your grandma has to drink a lot more alcohol then she will become more aggressive in playing...
    she will love my homepage

    www.csc-hollen.de.vu

     
  • At 5:01 PM, Blogger Arundhati said…

    LOL!! Yead do keep 'em coming

     
  • At 4:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    mole you fag, grandma isn't german!

     
  • At 6:43 AM, Anonymous francois in ireland said…

    So nice to see how much you seem to love your grandma and how proud you are at the same time!

     
  • At 3:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    mole, you are such a stupid bastard, stop spamming around!

     
  • At 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    mole, ihr seid echt die hässlichsten Hässfressen aus dem ganzen Universum! Ihr Pisslachen eines Obdachlosen! Achja, welcher würziger Schleimknödel aus Babykotze bist du eigentlich auf diesen Eiterpickel-Fotos?

     
  • At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Such as a greatDiablo 3 Goldnumber of other individuals I like the nanny! This can be one of the just sites that I may look at daily to discoverGuild Wars 2 Gold exactly how granny is performing.

     
  • At 2:41 AM, Blogger zoyi330 said…

    I love all of your missed connections so cheapest phone much :) Keep up the great work!

     
  • At 12:43 AM, Blogger ibaikaltablet said…

    Buy cheapest android. You must care for your cell phone.

     
  • At 1:14 AM, Anonymous lollever said…

    with your significant other on the phone trying to find solace somewhere upon the recent death of a beloved Harry Potter character, for all is not right in the world. Now imagine a laugh Cheap League of Legends Account

    Buy LOL Coaching

     
  • At 1:09 AM, Anonymous Online Training said…

Post a Comment

<< Home