Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Monday Blog Roundup

Our video game playing Grandma is on top things on those "internets," and she's gots opinions.

So here you go! It's our new deal, the "Monday Blog Roundup," or the alternate title: "I couldn't think of a way to make an interesting post about Grandma repeating the word 'Fuck' for three hours playing Growlanser Generations."

Gamepolitics points out to those of us who don't watch Fox other than for The Simpsons and Family Guy that the smash hit, completely original, awesome writers of the show "Killer Instinct" (not to be confused with the game of the same name) have penned an episode in which "Cavanaugh and his team investigate gaming-world deviants who reenact murder scenes from their favorite video games."

Grandma responds: "Yeah, I'd like to see the episode when the strange 10 Ton weight murders are prompted by crazy fuckers who reenact everything they see on Looney Toons. That makes a whole lick of sense. Killer Instinct... didn't we get a soundtrack with that game or something?"

Prodigious Gaming reports that Phillips, the same electronics company that got the song "getting better all the time" stuck in your head for three years, has developed a way to extend the gaming experience into the real world. For example, when playing Katamari Damacy, your cat becomes affixed to the television screen until sent into the sky making a fusion star. Animal rights groups are furious. The system, known as "amBX," essentially l33t speak for "ambitious," will allow gaming systems or it's own proprietary system (they don't specify which) to control devices such as lights, fans, heaters, vibrators, etc.,.

Grandma responds: "This could be like that artist with the Goldfish thing. Just hook amBX up to your fishtank's air filter. If you don't complete a level in time, your fish DIES! This could actually be interesting for vibrating chairs and mood effect lights and stuff, but it's hard to see how they're going to pull this one off."

TriXie, the resident Jackie Brown of XBox Live, has been having some problems with her mom, her apartment, and a screwdriver. Amazingly none of this has to do with alcohol.

Grandma responds: "I just have Tim build everything. Then if he fucks it up, it's not my fault!"

GameCola.net reviews "Zork Thompson, v1.0" this month in "Captain Eric's Super Thumb." The review is so positive I peed a little reading it. Then again, it may be sarcasm. Maybe not. Either way, it's my kind of humor.

Grandma responds: "So does that mean you and I are a game company now? DO WE GET TO GO TO E3?"

Blue went to BlizzCon last week and wouldn't you know it G4 was there to meet her! She was on for a split second on Wednesday's "Attack of the Show!" at the very end, so after you watch the show, her image is the last thing you see before you die. Luckily, she was permitted to speak on Thursday's show in the piece on "The Plight of the Murloc."

Grandma responds: "That wasn't even fair, they should have given her a full out interview, and they should have mentioned her comic, and they should have gave her things. Ninja things."

That's all for today folks! Coming soon: Der Spiegel interviews Grandma, the CBS Evening News piece on Grandma will mostly likely air within the next week, 60 Minutes is doing a piece on Professional Gamers and they might have a clip or two of Grandma to add to the "demographic mix" (maybe; they called us... funny story actually...), MTV's Obsessed piece on Grandma is coming soon, and oh do we have some surprises for you.

Big ones.


  • At 2:10 PM, Anonymous J Money said…

    Boy... I remember that soundtrack that came with Killer Instinct! My friend and I used to jam out to the CD, in total sarcastic, non-seriousness.

    Whatever happened to that series, anyway? This is quite deviant from the topics mentioned above, but I really enjoyed playing KI... it should be brought back!

  • At 4:17 PM, Blogger HandOverFist said…

    Yes the Killer Instinct soundtrack kicked major ass.

  • At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Blue said…

    Awwww! You mentioned me! Warm and squidgy feelings of joy have ensued! Gleeeeeeeeeeeee! ::dances:: Wasn't that blink-take faboo, too? I enjoyed it, and my little 15 seconds of fame ::grin::

    ALSO. The Killer Instinct was awesome. I have the soundtrack courtesy of my second-cousin, and let me tell you: it is still sweet. It is enjoyable, unlike The Immortals "tribute" album to Mortal Kombat, which makes my ears bleed just THINKING about it. SO BAD.

    Hugs to Grandma and Tim, and take care & be well! HOORAY!

    GAME ON!


  • At 4:40 PM, Blogger Collin said…

    Congrats on the review at gamecola. I didn't spot a HINT of sarcasm.

    I'm looking forward to the surprises. I like surprises.

  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger EazyCheeze said…

    KILLER! YEAH YEAH YEAH. Yeah eh-eh-eh-eh-eh ohhh ohhhhhhh...

    Yeah and ... obviously gamecola's writer never played interactive fiction. I wonder how he intends on backing out of this one. And yes, the whole review is sarcastic as hell. I think MORE hardcore OGHC readers than I are gonna do some stalking/lynching soon.

    Might as well get my Ask Grandma Hardcore out of the way... What does Grandma think of X-Men Legends and X-Men Legends 2, if she's played them? Failing that, what does she think of comic books? :)

    Keep up the wonderful inspiring work, Tim, and don't let anyone rag on you for your choices. You know which ones I mean.

    Love you both,
    Wade aka EazyCheeze

  • At 6:40 PM, Blogger Collin said…

    Seen this?


  • At 7:24 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    All Alabama jokes aside, I have faith in the folks down there, most are good people. The consensus to me from e-mails is that folks are al about the responsibility.

    Thompson isn't going to win a lot of points claiming the row is a "food fight," for battles of the culinary variety require two sides, eh?

    Personally, I hope he DOES end up in court making his case- maybe his antics will get him exactly what he wants: attention; attention, however, to the lack of logic and coherance to his arguments.

    On the other hand, everyone deserves a fair trial. If the boy claims it was a video game that made him kill, then either something is not functioning as it should upstairs, or he's looking for a scapegoat to shift blame. The video game theory would do well to illuminate the kid's instability and insanity, not attack Take Two and Rockstar. Unfortunately, if his attorney has a personal vendetta against Take Two and presents THEM as the perpetrators of murder, it just makes HIM look unstable. If the judge wants the potential to salvage what's left of this little fucker's life, he should drop Thompson from the case and assign better counsel.

    Fuck Jack Thompson :)

  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger Collin said…

    And he's outta there...


    Apparently, according to him, by his own choice.

  • At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Blue said…

    Oh em GEE!

    Must read this new Escapist article! I want to mail this girl and tell her she isn't alone. She must come here and hang out with us! Sheeeeeit, she must come over to my server and join my guild! Heh, some of our most active and effective members are female... actually, make that MOST of our most active/effective members!

    Chris Crawford can get thrown off of a cliff. Viva la Whitney, and women like her. She's GOT to join us at OGHC.

    GAME ON!


  • At 6:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What a great article!

    Mama Lombax

  • At 8:51 PM, Anonymous citizenmuse said…

    Holy crap that article was well-written and engaging! I love it that girls play video games, it should be a gender-race-religion-whatever barrier-crossing entertainment that it was meant to be. God, those guys that she mentions in her article are pieces of dumb shit (except the one guy who encouraged her to speak more on WoW, props to chivalry and general non-dickheadedness). Here are some of my favorite pieces:

    1. The entire Case 1 log because I absolutely hate it when people cant type out words. It just proves that either the person is 8 years old or is just all-around ridiculous.

    2. The second half of Case 2 log - what an asshole to say that only fat ugly girls play games, and accusing her of being so. In fact, to go out on a limb here, I would have to say that the author is actually pretty attractive IMHO.

    3. The summary - she mentions how she can kick ass at CS, and I am confident in the fact that she could rape me in it. I like to play LAN sometimes with some guys, and though I consider myself an avid gamer and well-versed in its articulate techniques, I suck a long one at CS, being as I like console games (specially RPGs) much better.

    In conclusion, I would just like to add that I whole-heartedly agree with Blue on this one. She seems really awesome and this adds to my idea of having an OGHC friends list/site kinda thing so we can all get to know each other and see what each other really looks like.


  • At 10:46 PM, Anonymous J Money said…

    Wow, that's awesome blue! Thanks for sharing that!!!

    I happen to be a girl as well, and I've been playing video games since I first received my Atari (I'm just shy of 21 y/o now). I'm not fat, or ugly, in fact, my picture was recently taken and sent out to thousands of people for my school. Yes, I am computer nerd. However, I'm a normal, well-rounded person! I've played every sport imaginable, I play music, I do well in school, I party with the best of them, and I have a boyfriend that goes to the Naval Academy. I'm extroverted and I love making people laugh. I used to want to be an English major, so yes, I know "big words" and I know proper English. I don't use l337 speek or say "kewl" like back in middle school, but if that's your thing, go for it.

    The internet isn't just for nerdy males that don't have real life friends, although there are people like that. There are regular, outgoing, males and females that play video games! NONE of my friends do, but I just happen to! Now, I'm not gonna lie, I suck at WoW. However, it's new for me and I haven't gotten the hang of the game yet. I CAN kick ass on the console, however. Everyone's got their good and bad traits.

    Way to go, girl, for showing that there are well-rounded, normal looking, extroverted girls that play video games, ALONG with all other types of people in this world!

    And to PROVE it... although this kind of defeats the purpose, here is my picture, to show I'm not lying. (I'm on the left). Click on my name (J Money) to view it.

    P.S. Please don't distribute that... haha.

  • At 12:37 AM, Anonymous Blue said…

    I'm so glad people are enjoying that article... it was linked from the LiveJournal of another gamer (female) friend of mine, and she said she had been fangirling and freaking out because she loved the article so much - and of course, as you can see, I did too! Three cheers for Whitney, and all women like her. Gaming is for everyone, and more people need to realize it. ALSO, there are other excellent articles in that same issue: "Then and Now" by Danielle "Sachant" Vanderlip, "What is a Galaxy Without Stars?" by M. Junaid Alam, and "Confessions of a GameStop Girl" by Pat Miller - the last of which really brought back memories of when I once worked at GameStop, and really, brought something to the fore for me that I've been thinking about for the last few days.

    I've been a gamer since I was seven. I didn't need to think about it when I was a little kid, because gaming was a KID thing, not a "guy" thing, and I knew many girls and boys who gamed and nobody thought it was weird (boys mocked each other for being beaten by a girl, sure, but then, they ALWAYS did that, in ANYthing, because of boys being dumb. Heh). Then suddenly when I was in junior high, and the Playstation was on the rise, I became an utter oddity. A girl GAMER? No way. Not possible. Doesn't exist. So much rang true for me on that "OMG Girlz Don't Exist on teh Intarweb!!!1" that it was immediately sobering for me. My heart went out to Whitney not only because of the shit she's had to go through, but because GOD, I thought that was over, I thought things had changed since 1996. If only a little. And maybe they HAVE, a little, but things are getting worse, too.

    And I consider now, as I have this weekend, how this disbelief of "OMG girls can't GAME!" that I ran into so much in my youth (and almost made me give it up, but I went through the same shit when I was a little kid about drawing, and I didn't stop drawing, so HELL if I was going to stop GAMING, goddammit) - how it made me cynical, how it made me determined, and how it made me showy. I'm STILL very showy about being a gamer, in a way. I don't spend all of my time barking about GAME GAME GAME GAME or making sure every shirt I wear is gaming-related, but if I'm out in public by myself, especially if I'm waiting for a food order or to board a plane... I take a secret joy in playing Castlevania: Circle of the Moon on my GBA, or reading "Dungeons and Dreamers: The Rise of Geek Culture." I mean, I'd do that anyway, but there is this strange desire for people to NOTICE that, and to challenge their perceptions. It's so lame of me, I know, but I want it to be passé one day. On Friday I went to Arizona to visit my parents, and we stopped in the Arizona State University Student Union for lunch (and to see if my brother was around), and I walked past a girl talking to a fellow about games... the most natural thing in the world. She didn't proclaim "GAMER!", she didn't sound unfamiliar with the subject, she didn't look like she was trying. I know that I'm much more a hardcore gamer than most, but just overhearing that, seeing a girl who didn't need to be all about games to enjoy them, and to not get shit from stupid males about it... it's so strange, in a way, to have it be so everyday, with how I remember growing up... but it's exactly what I've always wanted.

    I don't have to find my own deluded little war about changing people's minds - at least in the everyday arena, I think. Our battles now lie within, trying to shake much of the industry out of its sexist rut, and fighting against ignorant politicians and lawyers and media who seek to muzzle the new medium of games and label all gamers as thugs. And we've still got to fight to make sure idiots online realize that YES, girls DO exist on "teh Intarweb" - we have, and by god we WILL. So shut up and game, foolish internet morons who think they don't, and quit acting like gender should make a difference in how well one does at Counter-Strike.

    Whitney isn't alone. I'm not, and you're not. And this means more to me than I can say. One day maybe I'll take it for granted - but viva la gender equality, and bring on the games.

    GAME ON!


  • At 12:58 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    It was a great article. Most sobering to me is the hostility it recieved in the comments on the Joystiq mention. Some people thought that because she posted pictures within the article, she was hypocritical.

    I don't think so.

    Grandma experiences the same things playing XBox Live sometimes.

    I can empathize.

  • At 4:24 AM, Anonymous PerfectOverkill said…

    That was a good article. Lucky (?) for me I must sound like a 13 year-old boy cause I've never had any trouble playing online. Unfortunately while playing Halo 2 I've heard some guys giving girls trouble for playing. But seriously, why is it that some people don't think women are gamers? I'm ranking that #34 on my life's greatest mysteries list.

  • At 5:07 PM, Blogger DY357LX said…

    Anyone remember Killer Instinct Gold.... what the fuck was going on there !?!?

  • At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are disgusting

  • At 9:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Anyone can use such language. It takes brains to convey information in decent language. I feel so sorry for you.

  • At 12:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Might as wellD3 Gold obtain my Inquire Mom Hard core off the beaten track... What does Grandma think about X-Men Stories and X-Men Stories 3, when she actually is played out these? Disappointment that will, precisely GW2 goldwhat does the woman visualize comic books? :)


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