Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Grandma's New Gaming Set Up

Grandma has heeded your warnings about keeping all her systems in her glass covered television stand cabinet crammed in with an ever hot surround sound amplifier and digital cable receiver.

You were all correct an
d Grandma doesn't want to "fuck up her systems," so that picture there is the last time you will see her old set up.

Her new set
up is Grandma-Fabulous...

Where her consoles used to be now resides her strategy guides and the most recent issues of GameInformer and EGM, her archives stacked safely away. Something else needs to go in that big open gap full of nothing by the guides. I think that's where she's going to place the shrunken heads of her enemies, as long as the flesh dries out long enough for the smell to be minimized.

I don't know.

She has a tall game storage cabinet where she also keeps her many controllers, wireless adapters, memory cards and lens cleaners encased in the impenetrable hold of a topless tupperware container.

You'll notice she doesn't have a whole lot of games (only about 40 in all.) As we've mention
ed before, she's a trader. Unless they are among the free gift games Grandma has received since we started OGHC and she isn't attached to a replay, chances are she's going to use them to get her next game.

So... she got a cheap but nice open air AV rack that, for Grandma, is console exclusive. It's metal, heavy, and sturdy. It's closer to her chair so she doesn't have to stretch the controller wire under and over open doors, and enough slack is available for her usual movin' and shakin'. The top shelf houses her newest baby, and no, we can't say what it is just yet. All we can say is that it was a gift. From MTV. To Grandma. For being so awesome.

Decorating her tower of terror are two Grandma-esque pieces of flare. First, we have a little "Fairy Godmother" her grandson Kiefer got for her while she was in the hospital. Grandma adores this cute little doll, and it really looks cool on top a bunch of kick ass gaming systems.

Especially with the big Wizard / Dragon fog fountain next to it.

Whenever Grandma goes to the mall, she makes a point to stop in Spencer's Gifts. Why? Because of this guy. Pay no attention to the adult "board games" in the back, or the giant black-light responsive felt poster of a mushroom- Grandma isn't here for the t-shirts, bitch! She digs dragons. And angels. Dragons and angels. They don't really fit together, and Panzer Dragoon Orta wasn't one of her favorites (well, I liked it anyway...) so I can't explain her interest. Although check out her wizard dude getting all ready to cast some horrible spell. Oh yeah.

She's afraid to turn it on now, because she doesn't know if the water and oils used to make the fog will somehow cascade onto the consoles below. It still looks cool.

Also, something freaky happened to me last night. Grand
ma was getting frustrated a bit in a particular battle in Growlanser III, I had just finished up my third time through Final Fantasy VIII. The last time I played it was high school. The final battle with Ultimecia was satisfying, with a long beautiful cutscene after that reminded me just how powerful the Playstation One can be. As the credits rolled by, a crazy CG movie from the perspective of Selphie taping a party began. I hadn't remembered ever seeing this before, so it was pretty fresh to me. Finally, the music credits find their way into my attention and I notice a name on one of the songs:

Faye Wong.

It took me awhile, okay? I'm a little slower than most I suppose. Rinoa and "Dude" (all FF characters on my memory card are named Dude) embrace as Balamb Garden floats elegantly past the face of the moon, and it hits me.

FAYE FUCKING WONG! Jesus! I know that name! Here's the story: I was in New York City Spring Break of 2002 with my buddy Megan Blafas. She and I found ourselves in a music shop on Canal Street in Chinatown across from a restaurant that hung pigs and chickens in the window (the pork WAS really good.) They had this groovy CD playing in the store and I asked the guy who it was. "
Faye Wong," the guy said, looking at me like I just had asked who sang "Thriller."

I bought the CD.

The album is "My Favorite Faye." It's a 2 CD import and it's Mandarin Pop. I like it, anyway. Very good tracks. It's been sitting in my music bins this whole time and I had no idea there was a connection between this singer I really liked and this game I really liked.

We live on a tiny, tiny planet.


  • At 10:24 PM, Blogger Jesse said…

    I think, in that gap, some giant japanese robot toy thing would fit.

    OR some crazy old bottle of whiskey.

  • At 11:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Re: Gift from MTV.
    From what I have been able to see and hear. MTV's really cool with the swag-wagon.

    Anyone can figure it out though. I won't ask what the mystery item is directly. But, are there other people on line with that? Just curious, because I am pretty much PC centric in my gaming.

  • At 11:28 PM, Blogger Greg said…

    So what does Grandma think of her new ultra classified console? Is it just a fancier way of playing the games for the last generation of the same system line? Or can she access some spiffy special features?

  • At 12:08 AM, Blogger tynin said…

    nice new setup :) looking fwd to hearing about the super secret console once you are able to talk about it.

    also bought the same thing you are using to house your consoles for my house a month or 2 ago. looks nice, and lots of air flow (my cats even stay out of it for some nice reason).

  • At 9:35 AM, Blogger Valerie said…

    I love Faye Wong's voice. ♥♥♥ "Eyes On me" is probably one of my favorie FF songs.

  • At 10:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Id be lying if I said eyes on me didnt bring a tear to my eyes when it first played in outer space. Not only was I uber shocked to hear vocals but its placement was perfect

  • At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That's pretty funny, yeah, practically every chinese/taiwanese person on the planet is going to know who Faye Wong is. I think she's probably the most popular singer in the entire world if you add up her number of fans.

    If you want to see her on the bigscreen, rent "Chungking Express" or "2046".

  • At 4:30 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    It's not a 360 if that's what y'all are implying. It's something a bit more special :)

    And YES! Faye Wong has a beautiful voice, I'm grooving to the CD right now.

  • At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Virtual Boy?

  • At 12:20 AM, Blogger paine said…

    instead of buying them and retrading them for a lower price you guys should go to gamefly and just rent thenm for a monthly fee

  • At 12:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just what
    D3 Items exactly really does Grandmother think about her new really classified gaming system? Will it be simply a fancier way of enjoying the actual games for the past creation of the same technique range? Or maybe mayGuild Wars 2 Items the woman entry some spiffy special capabilities?


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