Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Grandma On Doom: "It's A Laugh Riot!"

Grandma and I hung our heads in shame low enough to see the popcorn on the sticky floor of the theater in Aurora yesterday as we paid the matinee price for the movie "Doom." The $10 could have gone to Unicef or an alcoholic looking for change; something better. Grandma knew it was a video game movie, she knew it would suck, so her expectations of the flick couldn't possibly lead to disappointment.

The trailers weren't very blockbuster, although we both want to see "Jarhead" when it comes out. The advert for the Adam Sandler directed "Grandma's Boy" made us squirm nervously a bit, but Grandma laughed. I had my Skittles, a bucket of butter saturated popcorn and a big ol' Mr. Pibb as Grandma crunched down on her own saltless and bland bag of popcorn (I don't know what she sees in it) and Diet Coke, ready for some full on movie suckage.

So what did we learn? We discovered that The Rock is actually a BFG whore, Pinky is a camper (although I was glad to see an actor from one of the greatest movies of my generation, "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" still doing things, albeit graphically handicapped and named after the psychopath from "The Wall") and our perception of the end of all the Doom games have been greatly distorted.

After the movie I asked Grandma what she thought. She had this to say:

"It was hilarious! It was a really, very funny movie! Did it suck? Yes. But it was still funny."

That's about as good a review Grandma is going to give for a video game movie, so I suppose you could take that as a recommendation.

I liked it until the end, but that's only because it didn't have the same buildup of tension with the full out release of... well, DOOM that I was expecting. It was a very James Cameronesque "Aliens" type of cinema, only with much better close-ups with the classic horror movie cliche:

[long, drawn out shot of men walking looking for something with eerie music followed by absolute silence]
[something pops out with loud screeching noise]
[small, cute, furry animal reveals itself]
"Oh well, that's a relief"
[large, horrific monster jumps out and kills said character]

Not that there is anything wrong with that, it works when done well. I don't know, I guess it's a mixed final opinion of the movie "Doom." It could have been a lot worse. It could have been Resident Evil. Grandma didn't "hate" it, and that's a lot more than I expected. I think she's just jazzed they didn't try to make a movie adaptation of "Lumines."


  • At 3:16 PM, Anonymous kerry said…

    So...what was the first person part like?

  • At 3:23 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    It was ...pretty corny :) People popping out with mice coming out of their eyes, very "house of the dead." It was towards the end, so it didn't ruin the overall movie though.

    Although, because we were dead center in the front row, it reminded me of those tents they used to put in fairs with the perspective movies meant to make you dizzy.

  • At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Anne Packrat said…

    If they make a movie adaptation of Katamari Damacy would Grandma see it?

  • At 3:35 PM, Blogger HandOverFist said…

    Yea I have to say other than the first Mortal Kombat (which is only good for nostalgia reasons)I have to say it's the better of the video game movies, which isn't saying much.

  • At 4:51 PM, Anonymous effie said…

    First and FOREMOST: A movie a just NOT watchable with out skittles. It doesn't matter what kind. I usually have a bag of the normal and a bag of sour, but any flavor will do.

    Second: I'm sorry, but all the skittles in the world couldn't get me to see Doom. But I'm glad grandma...liked it? Is that what I'm suppose to get? That it sucked sooo bad it was hilariously good-bad?

    Now I have a craving for skittles.

  • At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Mookers182 said…

    yah... i liked the first resident evil movie a lot. but i have a thing for zombies so i might be a little biased. ^_^

  • At 5:06 AM, Blogger Gabbahead said…

    Yeah, I liked the RE movie as well. The second one was rubbish, but the first was fairly solid. As for Doom, I'm not too worried about the story - the original one is too harsh for a big studio to use it. So in my mind hte movie operates seperately from the main game ethos. Mike Mignola said the same thing about the Hellboy movie - it changed a lot of things, but it's a compliment to his existing body of work.

    Besides, it's Doom. The game itself had a quick-rush story to back all the action.

  • At 8:45 AM, Anonymous courtney said…

    I actually liked the end first person part and think that should be in more movies coming up.

    It was a litle corny but they had to add all the game clickes in about 5 or 10 minutes.

    It made me think "is this what games will look like someday"


  • At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The only thing worse than movies made from video games are video games made from movies.

    With the exception of Spiderman. The game was much much better than the movie.

    mama lombax

  • At 10:36 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Mama lombax-

    I don't know, King Kong might change all that :)

  • At 7:49 PM, Blogger metehed said…

    I probly could have gone to bed early, instead of sqeezing in the 10:05 showing at Kent Plaza and saved myself a few bucks. But at least I can say I was THERE. Before anybody else could say/publish it, I could say I was dissappointed before anybody could warn me.
    So yes, in some sort of way, I guess it was worth it.
    At least the Rock wasnt his typical "hero" like his other movies.

  • At 8:04 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Kent Plaza? No shit! That's where I saw the Jurassic Park premier way back in the day.


  • At 4:45 PM, Blogger Mr. Priapus said…

    It could have been a lot worse. It could have been Resident Evil.

    I thought it was Resident Evil. When is the actual Doom movie coming out. Oh, you mean that was it?

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