Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Ask Grandma Hardcore: Topic- Jack Thompson, The Fred Phelps of the Gaming World

Open Mic Night!

Grandma is here taking your questions, and will be for a while. We'll update with answers to posts periodically through the night until the keyboard begins to mock my insomnia.

Chances are, Grandma will outlast me. Again.


  • At 8:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I played God of War in Hard mode. Tell Grandma that she will be happy with it until she beats Ares the first time. It gets all fucked up after.
    You are right Gorillaz rule!

  • At 9:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What's Grandma's favorite part of God of War so far? What's her least favorite?

    What would she like to see happen to Jack Thompson?

  • At 9:10 PM, Blogger DDREEK said…

    I don't know about jack thompson beings I don't currenty have a TV but I would like to ask if grandma likes fighting games and if so what does she think of the greatest fighting game of all time soul calibur, and it doesn't matter witch one?

  • At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What game does your grandmother see Mr. Douche going after next?

    Also, when does she think he'll stop going after vidoe games and realizing he's a complete moron?

    And I wouldn't mind hearing your imput as well, ctrl.

  • At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Found my way here from the Gaming World forums-- What did Grandma think when MTV called her for an interview?

  • At 9:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What did your Grandma say when you told her you were going to be a girl?

  • At 10:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Has grandma ever played Mario Sunshine? If so, did she find it hard?

    I bought it about.. Three weeks ago and it is pretty darn frustrating at times, but many people seem to find it easy. I'm not sure if it's just me or what..

  • At 10:19 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    All right! Let's go through the first batch 1-7...

    #1. Grandma- "The only person Jack Thompson cares about is Jack Thompson. He just uses video games to get on television."

    #2. Grandma- "Fucked up how? You mean harder, or just wierd?"

    #3. Grandma- "ddreek, I do like some fighting games once and a while. I don't know what my favorite would be. I played a lot of Capcom type fighting games, the 2D types like Street Fighter; I like those..."

    #4. Grandma- "He'll probably go after SimCity for simulating a hurricane and making people like them. He'll probably just sit on his ass playing Grand Theft Auto all day."

    He's going after Bully right now; but come on- have you even seen the movie "The Warriors?" It sucked! If they can make a good game out of a shitty movie, then god bless 'em. I hate Jack Thompson.

    #5. She freaked out. She didn't know what they would ask or what she would say or if they thought she wasn't 'cool' enough. She kept talking about the movie Jackass (which she enjoyed more than you know) and "Pimp My Ride" like Xhibit was going to come over and make her dress funny or something. After the reporter called her and started talking with her for a while, she got into it and relaxed a bit.

    #6. She was all like "Seriously?" And I was all like "Yup." Then she was like "How long have you had this figured out?" and I was like "since I was four." Then she said "You know I saw a special about that on Discovery Health...." She doesn't give a shit about it. She was real cool.

    All right! Keep asking stuff! I'm wide awake, man- gots my caffeine and my cigarettes, and Grandma's logged on to XBox Live playing poker again (yeah, I know; I'll get to play SplinterCell and Halo here soon enough with you guys. She's nervous :)

  • At 10:27 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    UPRC- you snuck that in there while I was typing :)

    Hey don't feel bad about finding a game a particular bitch when everyone else says its easy. Look at Grandma's current addiction God of War. When Jakandan wrote us "she's hasn't beaten that yet?" she told me the next morning whiel reading though the comments:

    "You tell that Jaken-dan or Jakadan or whatever that I'm an old lady, it takes me awhile!!"

    It's all good fun, dude. And Jakandan- if you're reading this now- Grandma says to "stop busting [her] balls." :)

    She did play Mario Sunshine, but she didn't beat it. I think she didn't really like it much to be honest. It wasn't Smash Brothers enough for her while not being the Mario 64 she expected.

  • At 10:37 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Shit, missed one. Sorry anonymous-

    Grandma "My favorite part in God of War so far...... shit. I don't know, I think when the Hydra roars at you it was fucking great; or when you come upon the Titan in the desert at first, that was cool. My LEAST favorite part? The part I'm at now! I have to dive underthese things that go by really fast, dodge them, then swim up again and dodge them.... it's hard."

  • At 10:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Has Grandma played Psychonauts? If so, what did she think of it? :) (Sorry if this has been asked elsewhere, I've been a little out of the OGHC loop for a while)

  • At 10:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Is Grandma single? I can take care of her!

  • At 10:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What would Grandma like to see come of Mario? and of Nintendo in general?

  • At 11:42 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Okay! Next Batch--

    Grandma hasn't played Psychonauts yet, but she wants to. I'm pretty sure that will be her next "newer" game after God of War.

    Grandma - "Ask him if he's got money!! I don't think he could handle me anyway." Me- "......"

    Grandma - "I'd like to see Mario return to it's platform days; something like a better Mario 64; something bigger, something longer. I love Nintendo! Now, a lot of people are saying the Revolution isn't going to do so well; but I really think Nintendo knows what they're doing, I'd like to see it."

    Alright. Grandma's still playing but I'm going to sleep now. (almost 1:00am) So West coast and international; keep on posting and we'll answer your questions in the morning. Thanks folks!

  • At 12:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Messages to Grandma and Tim!

    * Psychonauts is GREAT (have you played any of Tim Schafer's other stuff, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, etc?) - and I must also recommend Jade Empire.

    * Is there any particular series you really dig on - Zelda, Star Wars, etc.? And who's your favorite gaming character? (me, I'm all about Samus Aran from Metroid, personally)

    * What upcoming game are you most excited about? We Love Katamari? Radiata Stories? Final Fantasy XII? List away :)

    You guys are absolutely the best. Tim, I think you'll make a gorgeous girl (just don't ever get into plucking your eyebrows, that's a goddammed NIGHTMARE), and don't listen to the fucktards out there who think there's something "wroooong" about that. And OGHC: I hope that when I'm a grandma, I'm as cool as you are ;) Be good, and game on!

  • At 12:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm sorry, those questions above are mine. Browser got a little overenthusiastic.

  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Hey Blue! Here you go:

    Grandma did play Monkey Island and Grim Fandango; she just doesn't have time yet for Psychonauts; but it's definitely one of those games we have to get. It's been reccomended so many times, great reviews all around- and it just looks so fucking cool.

    Grandma and I both have beaten Jade Empire with Open Palm and Closed Fist endings, and she still pops it in once and awhile to see if she missed any styles (no strategy guide for this one). Grandma loved the game, but said it "was no KOTOR."

    Blue, this will make you happy, I know :) - Grandma's favorite video game character is Link from Zelda. I never got into Zelda; I know this is a cop-out, but I don't think I have a favorite.

    I'm realistic. I'm not aiming for "gorgeous," just "normal" will do comfortably. I'll take the bad with the good. :)

    On that note- the transgener questions are supportive and all, but the site isn't about me; if you have any questions about it I'll answer just about anything if you e-mail me. So if you wna tto tell me something like "you're going to hell for what you are" or "I don't really care one way or the other as LONG AS I GET MORE VIDEOS OF GRANDMA!!" send me an e-mail instead of leaving a comment so it doesn't become a theme of the site. I won't get mad, I'm not ashamed of it, this just isn't the place for it, you know? Cool.

    Blue- e-mail me, I've got a question for ya.

    Alright folks! Thanks for the questions!! Same time and place next week!

  • At 2:03 PM, Blogger Leci said…

    Since I have nowhere else to comment. xP


    Dunno if you read VG, but here ya' guys go.

  • At 3:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    First off, thanks to OGHC for inspiring me to give video games a try. I am usually the one who will play for an hour, get frustrated and quit. But I am now playing Kingdom Hearts and having a blast, I am actually almost done and have only been playing a week. (work, college, sick- not very conducive to gameplay)

    Now my question: What games does grandma suggest for someone who can get easily frustrated. I like RPG's, love horror. I tried playing the Suffering on XBox, but the controls are too difficult for me at this time.

  • At 3:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Damn, I forgot to mention, I have PS2 and XBox, so any games for those consoles would be great.

  • At 4:26 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Azalee- I love vgcats! I'm going to add a comic list of stuff Grandma and I read and show each other as part of my links list- and vgcats is surely going to be on there. (Short list, I hope).

    Anon- Meet Grandma:

    "Well if you get really frustrated easily, you should try Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. The battle system is sort of like Dungeons and Dragons (dice rolling) so sometimes all you have is strategy and luck. It also has auto-pause so you don't get ...overwhelmed. The first KOTOR can be bought for $15 used, I think, and you could go light-side/ dark-side to lengthen the game a bit. If you get to the "Carth Glitch" (it's rare, but it could happen) give Tim an e-mail and I'll get you through it.

    Now if you like horror, Resident Evil 4 is coming to the PS2 this fall; so you might want to check that out. The first time I played it, I thought there was no way I could ever finish a game this hard; but after playing a few times through- I can kick any kid's ass in that game."

  • At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yea you are hot


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