Hate Mail Grab Bag #2: God of War Edition
Let's do some responding!
#1: This FILTH is EXACTLY what we are TRYING to REMOVE from video games. And you think it's funny! You need to take a good look at your life and decide if what you are doing is GOOD or just NASTY. Signed- Trisha
Thanks for your letter Trisha! Well, Grandma and I think sex in video games can really work sometimes, for instance: what about Birdo from Mario Brothers fame? Remember Birdo? That pink, wide mouthed egg shooting monster was shooting fetuses. What about the unborn Troopa children? Are they worth nothing to you? ARE THEY??? Yeah, fuck it- Mario had it coming. He should just step up and pay child support, that's what he should do... What was the question?
#2: Why do you endorse violence in video games? More importantly why do you make it seem as though your GRANDMA endoreses [sic] violence? You should grow the fuck up. Signed- MbMonkey33
Thanks for your letter, Monkey! Well, I make it seem like Grandma likes violence in video games by "typing" on a "keyboard" the things she "says" and "taping" her having "fun" with said games. Also, she used to slap me upside the head when I goofed off as a kid (I deserved it, I was an annoying little shit) so I know she uses violence as an educational tool as well.
#3: You are completely missing the point in God of War. The sex was a SELLING point, it doesn't ADD to the game, you sellout fucker piece of shit. I used to think Grandma was funny, asshole. Don't highlight all the sensationalist bullshit that makes mainstream gaming the pile of mediocrity it is. Signed- Fuck You
Thanks for your letter Fuck You! Fuck You!! That's a silly name, but who am I to judge. I'm named after the mouse in Mrs. Brisby and The Rats of Nimh. And try putting Timothy St. Hilaire on a credit card! They can't do it! There's a period! ...Also I have shitty credit. Well, you see- in God of War you're a pretty, say- "period-appropriate" sort of guy. The heroes back then, when gifted with extravagant powers of the gods, did get the pick-o-the litter so to speak. It would be like making a game about Christopher Columbus and omit the whole "cut the hands off natives" bit that made the story so.... "sick beyond words." Now if they made a game where you're a native battling against the conquistadors, I'd fucking play it, man. I just hope they give it the attention to detail it deserves. The sex in God of War was a bold choice, man. Just because you make it a point not to buy anything that makes the top 50 list for the month doesn't mean that you're special. There are a lot of good indie games there are a lot of good "mainstream" games. You don't need to-- ....aw fuck it, next e-mail.
#4: I came here from the review in the Village Voice. You aren't anything special. My Grandma plays video games too. She can beat your Grandma any day. Signed- Louis Prima
Hey!! I LOVE your music man!!! Rock on!! Oh, that was one of those 'pseudonyms.' Fuck, I got all excited. The Village Voice review in "Screens" was very nice to Grandma and I. To get a review from Village Voice in any form is an honor I don't take lightly. You, however, are correct in saying there are many other gamer grandma's out there, and some could probably beat her in some games. I say this a lot, but I stick to it- Grandma is my favorite gamer granny. After that comes the very cool gamer granny's that read and comment on the site, then comes your gamer granny Mr. Prima. Sorry to disappoint you.
#5: You are a transgendered freak. I went to CWRU, don't think I don't know. You think people would read your site if they knew you're going to be a girl soon? You think people would link to you if they knew what you are? So help me I will find every message board that mentions your dumb ass site and tell people what you are. You make me fucking sick. Signed- 'anonymous'
So? People read about Grandma, not me, so- Fuck it, next question.
#6: GOD OF WAR SUUUUCCCCKKKKSS!!!! It was fucking DEVIL MAY CRY with a GREEK instead of a VAMPIRE!!! FUUUUCCCCKKKK YYYYYOOOOOUUUU!!!!!! Signed- "JOEKISSMYASS"
Thanks for the letter Joe! You know, I think Grandma and I disagree with you. Oh well! It's your hotmail account, do what you want!
#7: God of War is just as bad as GTA: San Andreas if not worse. You just helped me see that, thank you. I will be sure to add this game to my list of horrible marketing tools designed to hurt children. Do you like what you do? Do you think that parading your Grandma around will make people think twice about these petty games?? Signed- Rebecca
Thanks Rebecca! Glad I could help! You have a list? That's cool, I keep lists too. GoW is a great game, I hope you reconsider. It has a great story so far with some wicked graphics.... Come on.... you sure you don't want to play? To answer your questions- first one YES, second one, NO not really. Games are only petty if you don't appreciate them for what they are.
Wow! My glass is empty! Gin is great, man. Great stuff. I love being legal. Maybe I should spell check or something..... Well, I could have printed all the hatemail we got over Video #9 but "Ctrl-C + Ctrl-V" is really hard after the hundredth or so time you do it. (Not even kidding, friends, we got, as Grandma likes to say, a "shit-ton" of hatemail over that last one. So go watch it again! It don't cost you nothin'!)
--More updates coming tomorrow!! Thanks for the comments and e-mails!!!--