Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Grandma's XBox Live Code of Conduct Update

Grandma has a nice little friends list going- but most of them are on Halo 2 when Grandma wants to play World Championship Poker, and offline when she's playing an FPS. So it's up to the Rumble Pit and an open table to quench her thirst for competition. Here are some of the great things Grandma has heard from the nation's upper middle class youth:

"Dude! I met a Lesbian playing Conker!! A LESBIAN!!"

"I kill all you mothafucka's man, all you bitches goin DIE!! You hear me BITCH? I shoot yo head CLEAN off, asshole! [moment of silence] Hey, my mom says I hafta go to bed now, I'll see you guys later! Good game!"

"All you bloody yanks do is fucking fold, what's wrong wit' you!?"

"Does anyone on this table have a mic on? Does anyone at this table have a mic on? Hey OGHC. Hey... hey OGHC, is your mic on? Say something if your mic is on. Say something. SAY SOMETHING!! ........Okay, say something if your mic is off."

"Grandma Hardcore!!! COOL!! My hand fucking sucks. What cards do you have?"

Grandma has heard a lot of little kid like voices (you know the type, vulgarity coming out a little weak, makes frequent references to something known as 'Degrassi,' etc.,...) so she really doesn't swear. Sometimes she doesn't realize she has the mic on and a FUCK or two will pop out much to the delight of the 11 year old who just went all in with a shit hand and still won.

There is a weird sort of predator lurking on WCP, however. They enter a table with a clean $1,000, go all in on the first few hands no matter what they have, lose, then come back with a fresh $1,000 and do it again. Grandma met one of these folks last night who was kind enough to notice that she had caught on to his little racket. The gentleman's response: "I'LL COME BACK TO GET YOU BITCH!! YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE!!!" I was excited to hear such a character outside of a comic book reenactment rehearsal. Grandma just laughed an evil laugh to herself.
"No he won't."

--New video coming tomorrow! New God of War updates!! Everything New and Shiny!! SHINY!--


  • At 8:42 AM, Anonymous zelda18 said…

    Great! Am lovin` this---and grandma too! She just makes my day!!!

  • At 9:03 AM, Blogger Jesse said…

    wait, how is losing 1000 fake dollars over and over again a racket?

    I fail to see a suitable gain to the person perpetrating this activity.

  • At 10:14 AM, Anonymous Jason said…

    It sounds to me that the "racket" is either the sys-admin of WCP or someone hired by xbox live to "donate" $1000 to a game. It sounds like the old Dealer letting the player win in order to keep them playing, only in this case it comes from a covert player.

    my theory at least...

    Game on!

  • At 11:36 AM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    HA! Lesbians playing Conker. Yes, that child was playing from the depths of the bayou with his bestfriend: that shrunken head in the corner.

    We should pity him.

  • At 1:55 AM, Anonymous Aggracyst said…

    ive played alot of this game, i went through the same thing for the first 3 nights, bet a grand hopin to win big and lose it....go back out, build a new charecter, try again...until someone hipped me to the fact if i didnt save my progress after i lost, i could go back out, reload the same game i had been playing and not have to rebuild my charecter.....even better when you have say 50k or 250k. i was lucky, cause its sometimes hard to find games (specially late at night) where you can get it with under 300k...oh yeah, i was lucky cause i met someone on line who donated large sums of money to me....she would lose her wad into my account (hehe) and then not save her progress and come back with the same amount she had....it took away from the feeling of accomplishment accompanied by actually winning your way into the big games, but i didnt care, cause i could actually find a game to get into at 4 am. if ya dont know, now ya know....

    Gimme ur Wallet

  • At 3:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My partner and Diablo III Gold i kill all you mothafucka's person, all that you bitches goin Expire!! Anyone pick up me personally Girl? We throw hey brain Fresh down, bum! [moment connected with silence] Hey there, my mom states My partner and i hafta hit the sack right now, Billig Diablo 3 Gold Let me see you people after! Great game!


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