Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Grandma Would Like To Clarify: "We Like The Police"

The QuickTime teaser circulating on "teh intarwebs" included Grandma muttering a phrase that has caused a bit of e-mail to come in asking "what exactly did you mean by that?" Grandma was playing some Grand Theft Auto III when MTV came out, and she said quite clearly: "Let's beat the COP up..." and then proceeded to do just that; pounding away at the digital effigy of authority while laughing heartily.

Grandma doesn't want people to get the wrong impression of her, so she asked me to post a clarification.

Grandma has the deepest respect for police officers. No shit. Sure, she's gotten speeding and parking tickets in her time, and she's probably cursed several men and women in uniform for making her insurance go up a bit, just like the rest of us; but that doesn't mean she doesn't like the police, or even that she wishes to take out her vengeance for traffic court in a safe and private way. Not at all. In short: it's just a game, Grandma didn't mean anything by it.

The police put themselves in danger to enforce laws every day; they deserve recognition for the importance of their work. Grandma doesn't hate the police, it's very much the opposite. At the same time, however, she's not going to apologize for her game dialogue. For example, Grandma has said the following pieces of politically incorrect elderly diatribe while gaming:

"I wish that fucking DOG would fucking DIE!!"

"GOD, I hope that bitch shuts up."

"I ran over a CHILD! Two points!!"

"See, if I can convince The Don that Cloud is really PRETTY, then maybe Cloud will beat the shit out of that RAPIST PIMP FUCKER right before he gets his dick out."

So you see, Grandma doesn't advocate the killing of animals, even though she kills plenty in video games for no other reason than to try out new weapons [see Resident Evil 4]; she doesn't want to propagate violence towards women, especially in bitch slapping "SHIT THE FUCK UP" form, even though she says it all the time while gaming [again... see Resident Evil 4]; she doesn't hit kids with her car, but it is quite funny when pedestrians use ragdoll physics to fall into each other avoiding the wrath of Grandma [see Crazy Taxi, Grand Theft Auto, many others]; and her desire to immediately execute those she deems morally unsound in video games in no way reflects upon her views on rehabilitation and reform rather than punitive torture against those with felony sex crime convictions. Shit, I think she's for legalizing prostitution if the women and men doing it make their own choices [see Final Fantasy VII, Super Mario Brothers 3, others...]

To all the fine folks who read OGHC who work in law enforcement, know that Grandma loves you, she didn't mean any harm. She's just doing her thing.


[More posts coming today; we had to backdate this post because I thought it went up yesterday, and those who subscribe to our RSS feed would feel left out if we didn't. Grandma rented RE4 for the PS2 to see the difference in graphics and gameplay than her copy for the GC; we also rented Star Wars Battlefront II, so Grandma has a lot to share! Also, it was discovered that the new version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is best viewed with Vodka. ...you know, just- ...FYI and all. Game on!]

11 Comments:

  • At 1:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's cool. I think most policemen knew she was just joking, but some of us might have took offence only because they enjoy being offended.

    Anyway, tell Grandma a cop from Washington thinks she's awesome.

     
  • At 2:34 PM, Blogger Jay said…

    I came across Old Grandma Hardcore while searching files on putfile.com. Ol' G'ma H is awesome.

    Keep up the good fight.

     
  • At 4:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i'm a bit worried about all those readers who didn't realise she didn't mean she hates cops...you'd think they've never played a GTA game, or a shooting game, or...hell, pretty much EVERY gaame i've ever played has caused me to make at least one of those statements...course, most of the "shut the fuck up"'s were limited to Kraden, from Golden Sun 2...man, i hate that prick...

    oops, bit of a rant there...sorry, i have to stop drinking pepsi max sometime soon (only cos i'm not old enough to *legally* drink...)

     
  • At 6:08 PM, Anonymous Suni said…

    Hi Grandma, I'm a new fan...! :)

    I found your site from searching Google to find more about you after seeing this thread http://www.darkandlight.net/forums/showthread.php?t=28340&highlight=hardcore and spent the better part of the day reading and watching your videos...

    I've bookmarked the site and will most likely become a regular visitor here...

    *hugs*

     
  • At 8:27 PM, Blogger Reeve said…

    LOL... slightly offtopic, but that's the best description of Don Corneo I've ever come across!

     
  • At 7:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    greetings from Germany!

    Grandma, we love you!!!!!!

     
  • At 12:28 PM, Anonymous Dr. Shim said…

    I <3 granny.

    Don't worry. Us gamers get lots of flak. The dudes at PennyArcade.com get lots of crap too.

     
  • At 2:06 PM, Anonymous mikey said…

    Don't sweat it Grandma. I don't think you want to whack cops or anything. We all bust some heads in GTA.

     
  • At 6:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Grandma your hot! Call me sometime...

    476-735-4268

     
  • At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Damn Grandma kicks major ass! She play games for other systems too? I got a Playstation 2 and if she plays any games online I look forward to having her on my team in SOCOM I or any of my other online games.

     
  • At 12:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Rattling Grandma sneakers key bumm! She enjoy Diablo 3 Itemsonline games for others also? I got the Ps2 and when the woman takes on any activities on the internet I expect acquiring her in this little crew throughout SOCOM I actually as well as any one of the Billig WoW Gold various other free online games.

     

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