Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Ask Grandma Hardcore --Open Forum--

Tonight's topics are... Jack Thompson, the Avian Flu, the state of the housing market in suburban Canada, how to effectively use Craiglist, cooking poluted fish, or as always, Video Games! Anything you want to know, here is your opportunity to ask. It's 9:00pm on the East Coast so let's get started.

Open Forum rules, ask anything you like, please don't flame others, feel free to talk amongst yourselves, it's all good.

We'll be replying regularly well into the night to accommodate West Coast and International Readers as usual.

Game on!


  • At 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    First post!! Rock!

    So.... Zork Thompson......

    What is Jack Thompson like on the phone? Did you talk to him or did Grandma? What did Grandma say about him sleazing out of the deal?

    How DOES one cook poluted fish? :)

  • At 8:08 PM, Blogger Jesse said…

    This has probably been asked before, I dont know. I am gonna ask anyway:

    I notice in that picture you are craddling a lovely ps2 controller, and that got me wondering, what sort of controller do you prefer?

  • At 8:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why does the tv look all wobbly?

    Also, why does Grandma rock so much? WHY? ANSWER THE TOUGH QUESTIONS! :)

  • At 9:00 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    Jack Thompson didn't strike me as very impressive on the phone. He seemed more like a politician with a few talking points memorized. I kept thinking of the phrase "don't answer the question asked, answer the question you WISH had been asked." I talked to him, Grandma was playing Growlanser and looking at me every once and a while, giving me one of those "Dude, you're talking to a psychopath, you know" looks she likes to give me. Grandma knew he was going to sleaze out of it. She still barages me with a bunch of "I told you so's."


    "It really depends on the game. I think the PS2 Dual Shock is most comfortable, but when you want to shoot, the triggers on the XBox S controller feel better. The GameCube controller was good for Resident Evil 4 and Prince of Persia, but it sticks too much, you know?"


    I guess it looks all wobbly because of the angle from which I took the photo while the tv was turned at a better angle for Grandma to play. The whole room looks a little ...off, now that you mention it. And to answer your second question- Grandma says "...I don't know. I rock? Okay. I don't know why."

  • At 9:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Are you guys going to add more to your "ultimate kickass blogroll"?

    Just curious :) I like to scroll through sites that Grandma likes, and it's really a wide variety of folks!

  • At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Have you or Grandma gotten any hatemail over the Jack Thompson thing?

    I know you guys got some last time, so I'm just curious.


  • At 10:00 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    Yes! I have a bunch of new sites I'm adding in the next couple days for you guys. It's always good to spread the love! (Hopefully it will be changed tomorrow night, if I can do it quick enough)


    Actually, we haven't recieved hate mail in awhile for some reason. Even after the Zork Thompson story broke, we haven't had ANY angry letters. A couple of wierd comments I had to delete, but nothing in the usual "you guys are promoting SATAN" type way we usually get, knock on wood.

  • At 10:06 PM, Anonymous Stacy said…

    Hi! I have to say first that I love coming here and reading about Grandma, I swear I talk about her as if she were my own. =)

    I was just wondering what was going on with the Grandma gear, I can't wait to get a shirt!

    Game on, Grandma.

  • At 10:44 PM, Anonymous m said…

    wow, a conversation with a real life martian--er, politician and a visit from mtv, all within days of each other. how do you guys feel? got any other upcoming plans?

    do you guys feel cheated now that you worked so hard on a fantastic and very legitimate game, only to be snubbed by the zork thompson himself?
    oh, and don't you think he needs a check up on what satire *really* is?

  • At 11:01 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    Hey! That's not wierd, Grandma talks about all of you like you were some multi-ethnic conglomerate of grandchildren, so it goes both ways! I have the post for the shrits all ready to go, but the Zork Thompson thing took center stage before we could move on finding the right store to go with the production, first so it isn't expensive for you folks, second so we don't have to have a big markeup (still not after money) and third so they are decent quality, and not some iron-on that will fade in a few months. The T-Shirts post should be up in a couple days!


    God, it's been a hectic week :) But it's all good, and yes! We have a lot planned for the future. It took us a couple days to put together Zork Thompson v1.0, but we were fairly certain he wasn't going to pay when we started. If he did pay, great! Money for charity, win-win. If not, that's fine- he just exposes himself as a hypocrite and an attention whore. Either way, we contribute a little :)

  • At 11:08 PM, Anonymous RemSaverem said…

    This is really a dumb question and I may be showing off how little I know about law, but given Jack's description of the game he wanted made, and the graphic attacks on "Paula Eibels" (who's supposed to be Paul Eibel), etc., couldn't that whole tirade be considered a threat, because it details and requests depictions of violence against thinly-veiled parodies of real-life people? I mean, that's the difference between Jack's game and 99% of what's been produced by the game industry - Video Games depict fictional people in roles we know (Joe Cop, Jim Soldier, Jeff Firefighter), Jack was calling for depictions of violence against people who exist. Couldnt, theoretically, someone named in that "proposal" take him to court for threatening and harassment for this?
    Course, I could have it all wrong... but I think in the case of the President of the US, a similar depiction/description would get you a visit from the Secret Service at least...

  • At 11:48 PM, Anonymous Marco said…

    Hey! I just want to thank you and Grandma for making this wonderful blog. It was because of it that I recently bought Indigo Prophecy and I must say I'm simply in love with this game. Did Grandma finish it? What does she think about it now?

  • At 12:03 AM, Anonymous Anne Packrat said…

    So how hard did you and Grandma laugh when you heard that Jack Thompson demanded the Penny Arcade people be arrested for what he calls criminal harassment?

  • At 12:13 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    Possibly, although doubtful. I read a book recently that was a fictional account of a man who came up with reasons to assasinate the president. (Whom they mentioned by name.) Also, there are sites that call for the execution of certain politicians for either treason or war crimes, depending on which side they are on. Whether we agree with them or not, the right to portray fictional events, however cowardice, is protected. It is a very difficult thing to judge, and an even more complicated measurement of punichment would have to exist for such an act. It is for that reason that I doubt Paul Eibeler will sue. We also won't sue for the $10,000 promised to charity. It isn't worth it. Having Jack removed from guest lists on television news programs to promote his book and agenda would be enough, and on this point, we'll do what we can.


    Ah, so you haven't finished it yet :) In that case, I don't think Grandma should tell you what she thought, it may ruin the experience. I will say this: Grandma thought the story was absolutely beautiful ...until the end. If you are a masochist and absolutely must know, here is her full opinion:


    The post didn't have any spoilers, I just don't want to disappoint you :)

  • At 12:22 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    anne packrat-

    She was playing Growlanser when I told her. It went something like this:

    me- "Dear GOD, what an idiot..."
    G- "What?"
    me- "You know how Penny Arcade donated $10,000 instead of Jack?"
    G- "Yeah! Of course! What??"
    me- "Jack Thompson is now trying to have them arrested for harrassment"
    G- "That asshole!!"
    me- "I know!"
    G- "Can you even BE arrested for that?"
    me- "I don't think so."
    G- "Can donating money be even classified as harrassment?"
    me- "No, I don't think-"
    G- "Fuck that guy. He needs to grow the fuck up. That is so typical of- no, wait; you know what? GOOD. I'm glad he did that, I'm glad he showed people what he is. AGAIN. Fucker."

    Then she went about her game. Last I heard, he didn't even FAX the police, he just sent the copy to several media outlets with the wrong URL to Penny-Arcade. Seattle PD said they received no such notice from Jack. The police have MUCH more important things to deal with than this asshole, and on top of it the fax once again mentions games as being anti-police, and it was THAT reason that they are harrassing him. Because he LIKES the police, and they DON'T.

    He's turning this into a schoolyard shakedown, complete with sucking up to the principal who is trying to make sure no one falls from the rusty jungle-gym.

  • At 12:23 AM, Anonymous Kang said…

    does grandma play any fighting games, 2d or 3d? if so, what are her favorite series? how about shooters(shoot-em-ups, not fpses!)?

    would you add my site to your blogroll? :D

  • At 12:29 AM, Anonymous RemSaverem said…

    I think the most hilarious thing about Jackie's fax trying to get the PA guys arrested is his goof on the URL. Ever goof on their address trying to get to the comic and stumble across www.pennyarcade.com? Last I made that mistake, the URL was owned by some sort of performance artist dominatrix....
    Its like goofing www.whitehouse.gov and www.whitehouse.com.... "Look they're trying to say they don't like me! Arrest them! See, its on their site!!! (directs officers to a porn-ish webpage)"
    Mainstream TV should pick up on this story, and try the link Jack provides on live tv. That would show everyone he's talking out his ass.

  • At 1:06 AM, Anonymous Kang said…

    Oh! I forgot one. Does granny own a Neo*Geo?

  • At 1:11 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    She was big on Mortal Kombat, she could kick my ass at Tekken, but old school 2d Capcom games are her favorite, i.e., Marvel vs. Capcom, Street fighter (pretty much any Street Fighter, but especially SF II Aplpha for the SNES for some reason.) I assume by shoot-em-ups you mean like Resident Evil or The Suffering or GTA? Absolutely, man! The third person shooters are a little easier on her hands, so she's VERY fond of them. And sure! Just e-mail me about the blogroll thing and I'll stick you in our "q" so I make sure I get to it. (E-mail addy on the sidebar so we don't get spammers. We've been VERY good at keeping the spammers at bay.

    To answer your second question: she did, but she doesn't anymore. Not a bad little system at all, actually. It didn't break and had a couple decent games!


    I know! That was hilarious! Alright, in the Cold War, during the Cuban Missle Crisis, Kennedy received two memorandums from the Soviet government. One was determined to be a carefully prepared message, the other was shown to be from Kruschev himself. They determined this from the style of the writing. They said it was written by a man "under great stress." People make mistakes when they are rushed or agitated, or writing replies during Ask Grandma Hardcore while asking a woman heavily involved in a game to pause so she can better answer a question :) (I am a cruel guy, I know) When I spoke to Jack, he was fairly calm. It was just after 10:00am here on the East Coast, so it was in the morning, he was relaxed, he was ready for the day ahead. If I were to have called at 4:00pm after the Penny Arcade donation went live, I'm sure I would have been speaking to a very different animal.

    Fuck Jack Thompson.

    You're right, man- I would love to see that on the mainstream news. I'm suprised The Daily Show hasn't picked this one up, it writes itself!

  • At 4:43 AM, Anonymous QBall said…

    The Daily Show should pick up on this... hell we've just started getting the Daily Show in the UK, it's available on CNN (Daily Show global, once a week!) or on More4 (the new CH4 Digital channel available on freeview!) Think we're a week behind, but hell, any daily show is better than none. If you're into the american culture, have family over there etc. It's a must.... I need my 'Moment of Zen!'

    Keep Rockin Granny!

    From the cold North East of England.

  • At 7:23 AM, Anonymous Kerry said…

    This is a question for you, ctrlaltdel.

    I was wondering if you've ever thought of putting up an irc chatroom for all us oghc-ers?

  • At 8:56 AM, Blogger HandOverFist said…

    Yea I agree with Kerry. Maybe a message board, you know because Penny Arcade hates me.

  • At 10:56 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    Yes! I heard about it finally being available over there! It's blossomed into somewhat of a cult in the states, where every weeknight (except Firdays) at 11:00pm, it is the Daily Show. I doubt Jack Thompson is aware of the nature of the show, if all he hears is "news program" he'll sign the location and release waivers as soon as they fax them over. Anything to get on television. I think we can guess how it would turn out. :)


    I'm trying to find a decent messageboard system we can put up, but an IRC client might be too much. It's definitely something I'm looking into, though. It would really improve the site to have an area where everyone can get to know each other!


    They don't hate you, the moderators just have to keep everything tight over there with all the traffic they're getting. Give it a month or so and try again, they are usually pretty cool about that sort of thing, and I think they will determine that you learned your lesson :)

  • At 11:11 AM, Anonymous Victor Stillwater said…

    Heya Mr. Delete. (Found it funny how your name on the comments coincides with the online comic guy)

    A couple of things, I suppose.

    1. I read in a comment above that she thinks of us as a sort of multidenominational grandchildren Battalion. :) I was just wondering if there was something we could do to sort of make it known that we're her family?

    Perhaps all of us going onto our respective blogs on her birthday or on christmas and wishing Grandma and you a Merry one, or some such?

    2. Has she played We Love Katamari or its predecessor? Does she like it or is it too weird for her tastes?

    3. If there isn't a community on livejournal for you guys yet, could I try and set it up? Or maybe if you could post a tutorial on how to feed your blog entries onto livejournal and other places?

    Thanks again!

    P.S. I used to comment here more often, but my time has been divided by other concerns, so I apologize. :)

  • At 11:15 AM, Anonymous Kang said…

    CAD- I meant shooters like Gradius, Darius, R-Type, Mars Matrix, those kinds of shooters. Where you fly a ship and blow up other ships.

  • At 11:52 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    victor stillwater-

    The CtrlAltDelete thing goes way back to may days on AOL and Windows 3.1, but I don't want to take any traffic from Tim Buckely from those who might confuse the two, so I might change that one soon. That was a big oops on my part :)

    1. Sure! We don't just put folks up on our ultimate kickass blogroll and leave them rot, we visit you guys too! (usually daily) It's like our public bookmarks list. So a mutual exchange of birthday greetings, etc., is just part of the package :)

    2. She hasn't played We Love Katamari yet, but we own the first one. Grandma says she "fucking SUCKS at it," but she's getting better. She couldn't win at two player mode on the Mushroom if she had a gun to her head, but she's building up her presents and putting big ass stars in the sky :)

    3. Someone transfered our XML feed to LiveJournal (I don't know who. All I know is that they are awesome. It's very little information to use to find someone :) Here's the account:


    So LJ users get to subscribe to Grandma too! We also have a FaceBook fan club it turns out for all our fellow college readers....


    but it might be Case exclusive, I don't know. Ally set it up and Ally only tells me classified secrets when I interrogate her. Thanks Ally :)

    Man, you don't need to apologize for not commenting more often. It's all good! No worries.


    R-TYPE!! Yes, she DOES get into that, man. She has played those and many, many like them for a LONG time. Some of the best moments I had as a kid were with cheap Sears knock offs of Space Invaders on some wierd console she found.

  • At 2:31 PM, Anonymous Blue said…

    Hey Grandma & Tim!

    This may sound kind of silly, but what size/style shirts do you wear? GameSkins is having a sale, and I was wondering if (while I'm cleaning it out for meee...) you two wanted anything? Y'know, so you have something swank to sport whilst you are making appearances on G4 and at E3 and so on ::grin::

    Also! What's your picks of Games To Get this holiday season? Inquiring ninjas want to know ::smile::

    Take care, be well, and GAME ON!


  • At 2:53 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    I was simply going to post "No, we don't accept stuff, it's all good, no need to buy us anything, yadda yadda yadda..." but I know you won't stand for it.

    For you are a ninja, and you will get the information out of us one way or another.

    Me- L
    Grandma - XL

    God damn you and your ninja powers of persuasion! DAMN YOU!!!

    Grandma's picks are fairly similar to mine, and when we get closer to November and play a few we will post for all to see. Right now, we gots GAMES to play :)

  • At 9:25 PM, Anonymous Blue said…

    Hee! You know me well. It's much easier to just divulge info to a ninja freely, because as you very accurately stated, we get it one way or another ::grin:: Don't worry - it will lead to wonderful gift-ey things... sadly, no GameSkins stuff, it seems: that site has been slammed into oblivion by all of the Penny Arcade traffic - but I still have ways to get you neato shirts from elsewhere! Mark my words! Coolness shall abound!

    Take care & GAME ON!


    P.S: New T-shirt idea for you! Military print: "GRANDMARMY - The Gamer Fighting Force of the OGHC." Whee!

  • At 3:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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  • At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Grandma's picks are fairly similar to mine, and when we get closer to November and play a few we will post for all to see. Right now, we gots GAMES to play :)
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