Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Grandma Can't Fucking Wait

One of the most frequently asked questions here at OGHC is "what is your Grandma looking forward to playing when it comes out?"

This is a complicated issue.

Many have suggested that the months before Final Fantasy XII and the new Zelda shall forever be known as "The Black Period," in which Grandma will make a solemn exodus of pain to the local game store, hoping to appease her addiction with some unfruitful mediocre attempt. Not so, at all.

Take Dirge of Cerebrus for instance. Grandma is the type of person that jumps dangerously high for joy when the phrase Final Fantasy comes close to the number 7. Also, Vincent was a staple of Grandma's party in FF7, so this should come as a nice bit of nostalgia.

King Kong. For fuck's sake, never have I thought someone would slap a magazine on my desk, point to an article and say "now THAT's going to be fucking AWESOME" and it's not be a hokey movie scene of some sort; but it happened.

Or Fatal Frame III. Or Prince of Persia III. Or any third part of a series she likes. She has Warrior Within waiting for her XBox when she's done with God of War for PS2; but the third is usually the zenith of a franchise to be watched with respect.

Motherfucking CONDEMNED!! God DAMN that game looks fucking good! Grandma is a huge Horror fan, it is already certain.


Or Shadow of Colossus! They made ICO god dammit! You can be sure that Grandma will swear at some beautifully rendered graphics this fall.


Don't worry. Grandma is going to have a particularly good fall this year. There is PLENTY for which she shows sincere excitement.

--More updates coming; a new video tomorrow! This post probably looks funky right now; but it's my first attempt at mobile blogging, so bear with me until I get all the errors fixed tonight. Thanks for the comments and e-mails!--

12 Comments:

  • At 4:22 PM, Anonymous Blue said…

    Very good points! Muchly eager for those games. I gotta ask: how pissed is Grandma that they delayed Advent Children in the US for the "holiday season"? Because I for one am fucking pissed. DAMMIT SONY! They know, they KNOW we love the FFVII. Why do they torture us so with the waiting, the WAITING! ::sigh::

    Also? I must heartily recommend Sly Cooper if she hasn't played it already (and the extent of your interaction with it has been naming a fiendish campsite-thieving racoon after him) - 3rd iteration is coming out, and I'm psyched... it was, after all, the game that won me over for cell-shading!

    ALSO! Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence will supposedly have online multiplayer, fully movable 3rd-person cameras, and - this is the gem to me - for the first time EVER, Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake, previously only released in Japan. I, verily, am elated at the prospect.

    Be good, and game on!

    -A!

     
  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger Leci said…

    Fatal Fame III...Might want to put that off until you break your camera in a bit, Tim. xD

     
  • At 6:02 PM, Anonymous Reno said…

    That Advent Children delay? Bullshit.

    The FFXII delay? Bullshit.

    The supposed December 15th release (according to Amazon) of Kingdom Hearts II? Me releasing a very unmanly squeal of delight.

    I've played the first SNES version of Prince of Persia and sucked gigantic nuts at it, are they less ridiculous with the controls now or is it just more difficult?

     
  • At 6:06 PM, Anonymous Reno said…

    PS: I am curious to know if Grandma's ever played Secret of Mana.

    I would reccommend Seiken Densetsu 3 (the sequel) because it's piss-ass awesome, but it's a kind of emulator-only thing because the only translation into English it got was a (very good, admittedly) fan-translation.

     
  • At 7:11 PM, Anonymous Blue said…

    Heh... I have an associate who worked at Square, and he says the reason that FFXII is late IS - the lead designer was playing too much FFXI. I shit thee not. Supposedly now that he's been replaced, things are moving at a better clip. I would HOPE so...
    -A!

     
  • At 8:21 PM, Blogger Leci said…

    "the reason that FFXII is late IS - the lead designer was playing too much FFXI."

    That makes me laugh. xD So much. Wow. That's fucking great.

     
  • At 9:26 PM, Anonymous TheDude said…

    Shadow of the Colossus!!
    I hoped and prayed for a sequel to ICO.
    I had fucking dreams about the continuation of the story... where did it go from there? after the beach? did they grow old together? would their children embark on some quest to recover some relic from the ruins?
    is the evil in fact defeated??
    I guess I will never know and will have to be content with this soon to be non-sequel.
    I am just as eager to get my hands on this game as I was the first time I played the demo for ICO.

    I only hope that when I arrive at Circuit city or best buy, there are six copies waiting for me (just like with ICO).
    It always amazed me that the game that I was so psyched about, that I expected to be sold out, was not the great seller that I anticipated.
    I guess only great game connoisseur truly appreciate a gem when it is released into the wild.

    -Jason-
    Toledo, Ohio

     
  • At 5:54 AM, Anonymous Reno said…

    I have an associate who worked at Square, and he says the reason that FFXII is late IS - the lead designer was playing too much FFXI. I shit thee not.

    ... That is fucking awesome. Lame, but awesome. Good to know Square has/had itself addicted to itself, huh?

     
  • At 9:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "I have an associate who worked at Square, and he says the reason that FFXII is late IS - the lead designer was playing too much FFXI. I shit thee not."

    That is hilarious! If I have to screw up at a job and get fired, I want THAT to be the reason.

    I CANNOT wait for Shadow of the Colossus! YES!

    ~Steph-i'm too fucking lazy to log in-anie~

     
  • At 5:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Psychonauts; it's calling to you, you just don't realise it yet.

     
  • At 8:57 PM, Anonymous Toxicsh0ck said…

    Hey Grandma! what about Final Fantasy VII Advent children... that might ease the burden of the "black period" for a bit. Its not a game its a movie though.. a damn fine one at that. Check it out on the web there are trailers everywhere. GAME ON!!!!!!

     
  • At 5:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    goddamn motherfuckers fucking mother fucking shit

     

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