Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Grandma on Attack of the Show: What Went Wrong?

Well, Grandma's appearance on Attack of the Show last week didn't accomplish much on the 'Women and Gaming' front; the fluff piece circlejerk might have actually set us
back a few years, had anyone took it seriously. The earpiece kept falling out and the panel didn't last long enough for meaningful discourse, but everyone was nice to Grandma and she doesn't have any regrets.

We compiled a video to show you what things looked like on our end, and Attack of the Show allows people to embed video so you can see the finished product as well:

We arrived at the sound stage from which the satellite feed would broadcast to G4TV's studios in LA. It was a nice building with a friendly staff at the crossroads of the major highways in between the cities of Northeast Ohio; the skyline of Cleveland visible from the 480 bridge to the North, and the skyline of Akron to the south from the Turnpike. They offered us something to drink as we waited the hour before live broadcast. Most of that time was spent trying to get the earpiece to stay in Grandma's ear, and adjust the audio levels to a point where they were loud enough for her to hear, but not too loud as to create an echo on the mic.

And.... here's what people watching the show would have seen:

They could have talked about the industry's alarming focusing of demographic reach during game development and marketing, they could have talked about the treatment of women who shop for games or play online, they could have talked about the lack of women in the industry itself, they could have talked about any number of things, but this is how it turned out.

Can't win 'em all, I guess.

Seanbaby and Amber were great, it was all in good fun; but when it comes to such subjects we need less witty brevity and more sincerity, in my opinion.

Then again, the fuck do I know?

Game on.

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Catch Grandma on Attack of The Show!

Grandma is to appear as a guest on Wednesday night's Attack of the Show in a panel to discuss the somewhat argument-ready topic: "Are Girls better than Guys at Video Games." Also on the panel will most likely be Seanbaby and someone from the PMS Clan. Predictably Grandma's opinion tends to be more on the centrist position of "gender doesn't matter, you fucker," although it's hard to imagine anyone (except for perhaps Chris Crawford) try to take a position that being female will some way hinder one's gaming abilities.

A cock does not a joystick make.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Unless insulted directly, Grandma has always held fast to the notion that everyone has a different opinion, and that's cool. Even when Focus on the Family or whoever the hell it was said that the revelation that Grandma plays video games is alarming and dangerous; a catalyst for the destruction of the nuclear model of marriage and the decline of Western Civilization, she just sort of shook her head and stated "I disagree." It isn't until someone calls her an old hag with nothing to do when she finally replies with the inevitable: "hey, FUCK YOU, buddy!"

In any case, there's a ten second delay on live television should such a need arise.

Attack of the Show airs live on the G4 network weeknights at 7pm EST.

Game on!

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Video 16: Grandma plays Stubbs the Zombie (Xbox)

Stubbs The Zombie is a great little gem for the XBox. It's a fairly easy game for the most part with a few frustrations. Grandma has promised a full review as soon as she defeats the final boss. MTV is sending her a copy of Dead Rising (XBox 360) for a G-Hole review, so it will be nice to empathize a bit with the thousands of zombies she plans to slaughter.

Game on!

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