Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Friday, January 21, 2011

It's been a long time, stranger!

Well... shit.

I suppose I should tell you right now: it's my fault. I haven't posted close to a year now. There really isn't a good reason for that. There's a lot of bullshit spam in the comment section on older posts that I haven't cleaned up. There isn't a good reason for that, either.

You deserve an update and more.

The short of it is Grandma is doing just fine, for the most part. She's played quite a few games since we last spoke. At the moment she's exploring Fallout: New Vegas on her 360. I finally found full-time work again and I am happy to say I am a staff photographer at a great newspaper.

When I read the last few posts, I feel like a giant piece of shit. Final Fantasy XIII? Let me tell you something about FFXIII: it almost killed Grandma's love of gaming. Read them again, if you have the time- it's classic denial. Who were we trying to convince that it would get better? Well, ourselves, honestly. But we couldn't admit that back then. How goddamn embarrassing.

By the time Grandma finally said "fuck it" and moved the BluRay disc into its case that final time so it could properly be placed in the dark, shameful recesses of her archives until the aluminum oxidizes and the earth opens and consumes the plastic along with my car and polite society, she wasn't just disappointed, she was depressed. Maybe even a little hurt.

We remembered E3, all those years ago, at the Square-Enix booth. We remember passing up everyone in the huge line for the trailer preview because of Grandma's privileged status as a handicapped person. We remember feeling like kings as we sat in the front row and offered drinks and sandwiches while everyone else filed in to be dazzled by the teaser a few hours before everyone else on the internet. And now we look back and wonder:

Did they know?

Were there some Square-Enix executives behind a curtain, carefully watching our reactions and thinking to themselves "perhaps we can take their $59.99 without destroying their souls" only to be answered-
"No. There is no other way."

Except for Texas Hold'em and the occasional round of Catan on XBLA, Grandma didn't touch another videogame for weeks after giving up on FFXIII.

She just stopped caring.

I remember driving her to the grocery store one day and she actually said "I don't think I want to play videogames anymore."

That's how serious it was.

I recognized that point instantly as one of those moments that could brand me an asshole if I reacted the wrong way. I never pushed Grandma into gaming, (she was always the one pushing me, as it happens) and I wasn't about to start. So I didn't say anything, really. I decided I wasn't going to buy her some new game and socially manipulate an obligation to continue a hobby she had lost interest in simply because that hobby had defined her to millions. How goddamn sad would that be? If she was done, she was done.


A week or two later she bought Just Cause 2 on a recommendation from Packwolf.

She was back.

And she was back heavy.

This was a game that would have her playing for months. She didn't know it then, but that one save file would be her longest. She bought the strategy guide too but quickly found it was was the most worthless guide since "protip: shoot at it until it dies."

Grandma is one of those 100% gamers that just have to get every last motherfucking collectible and this game's map was ridiculously huge. It had that perfect little balance of actual gameplay and Pavlovian stimuli. 100%

100% of a town. 100% mobile radars destroyed. 100% gang missions. 100% skulls. 100% drug drops. 100% radar towers.

And a note on those radio towers: it got to the point where, when Grandma and I drove from place to place, in life, she would point to a red and white painted cell tower and say aloud: "you know it's weird, I just.. I really feel like I have to blow that up. 100%!"

She didn't get that one 100%. But she came damn close. Turns out there is this plane that, if you didn't get it before clearing a specific Military Airport, would disappear forever. Once she discovered that, it seemed pointless to search for hours and hours for the last couple water towers hidden deep inside the vastness of the map.

After Just Cause 2 came Call of Duty: Black Ops.

This seemed a bit harder to Grandma compared with Modern Warfare 2 but she enjoyed it enough. Her only complaint was a repeated one, that these games are way too short in campaign mode for those uninterested in multiplayer matches.

I think Halo: Reach was in there too, either just before or just after, but she finished them both so quickly, or at least comparatively quickly to Just Cause 2 that I can't quite remember the order.

She played Deadrising 2 for a little while, but was distracted by her awaiting Christmas present: Fallout: New Vegas.

That's what she's playing now. It's much harder than Fallout 3. Even the V.A.T.S. system can't save you when your weapons suck and you've wandered into an area on the map for which you're just not ready. She's having a ball.

And I promise, I promise I'll post more about it in the days to come.

As for me, I work and sleep. Sleep and work. And Civilization 5.

Seriously: FUCK YOU, Wu Zetian.

Game on!

363 Comments:

  • At 7:54 AM, Blogger G said…

    Great to read your stuff again. Look forward to hearing some of Grandmas opinions on those games. Cheers.

     
  • At 9:12 AM, Anonymous Jared said…

    Fantastic to hear from you and Grandma again. FFXII was the one that killed my love of the series - not that I was ever a huge JRPG gamer or anything. It wasn't bad, I just got bored with it. I'm glad Grandma picked Just Cause 2 as her next game, it's pretty much the polar opposite of FFXIII. One of my top 5 games of the hear, despite the occasional bug and lame AI/repetitive missions. It's just so much damn fun.

     
  • At 9:46 AM, Blogger Brandy Rose said…

    Looking forward to hearing more about New Vegas. My roommates have logged over 150 hrs on that game.

     
  • At 4:13 PM, Anonymous Tanamy said…

    Glad you're back and posting again!

     
  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger Sean said…

    Glad to hear all's well!

     
  • At 9:09 PM, Blogger and then there was METAL said…

    congrats granny :D

     
  • At 8:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Nice to hear from you guys again! Good that everything is well....I don't know if grandma played Alan Wake, but I sincerely recommend it.

    Dead Space 2 is coming!

     
  • At 9:37 AM, Blogger T-Sonn said…

    Welcome back, Tim & Grandma! Glad to hear about Grandma's new passion; I'm ass-deep in New Vegas myself and really digging it. Has she played Fable III? I just finished that one. Seconded on Alan Wake, and - if you can find it - a little-known title called Deadly Premonition.

     
  • At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Brandy Z said…

    So so so glad to hear from you guys. I play PC Games on my Alienware, but I am not-patiently waiting for Dragon Age II. I did get Civ 4 because I was cheap and the ratings on Civ 5 weren't as good as 4. I did download The Witcher and Baulder's Gate for $5 each but haven't played them yet. Welcome back, friends!

     
  • At 12:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Glad to hear Grandma got back into loving video games! I've been slowly dungeon crawling in the final boss level of Persona 4, and been debating on saving up for a PSP or a xbox.

    Also if Grandma or you are fans of the Professor Layton and/ or Phoenix Wright series there's news that Japan is going to create a crossover game. Either way it's going to be very interesting...

     
  • At 5:47 AM, Anonymous qg2010 said…

    Jeez about time. Something told me to check the blog and glad I did hopefully u can start posting at least every two weeks.

     
  • At 11:35 PM, Blogger Archangel said…

    soooo glad you posted. ive been worried that maybe somethign happened...or whatever.... but really hoping maybe you'd gotten fulltime work and were just busy. or got sucked into RL and lost track of time. (hey it happens)

    glad Grandma is gaming again- i havent picked up Fallout: New Vegas, but ive heard it kicks ass. Glad to hear you picked up fulltime work and that its "what you do", you know what i mean?

    hope the family is all doing well, and everyone is healthy and happy.

    oh....before i forget... did Grandma play Dragon Age?

     
  • At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    http://kotaku.com/5747077/dragon-quest-vi-arrives-too-late-for-gaming-grandmother

    Given the love Grandma had for DQ8, perhaps she would want to pick up a copy of DQ6 as well.

     
  • At 3:47 PM, Blogger Garrett said…

    I was a bit worried that there were no new posts or updates for quite a while. But I would see Grandma on XBL all the time playing Texas Holdem' or Just Cause 2, so I figured it was just due to life being hectic and busy.

    Glad to hear you got a full-time job and that Grandma didn't give up. I can't even begin to count the amount of times I would see her on playing Just Cause 2. That game is definitely addicting, I love sandbox type games like that.

     
  • At 11:32 PM, Blogger ZwiAn said…

    great stuff! wanna know what i think? www.thegamestrand.com

     
  • At 2:32 PM, Anonymous michael_ouranos said…

    Fallout: New Vegas is an exceptional game, and yes, more difficult than Fallout 3. I ran into hoards of Cazadores and got raped more times than I care to remember. But, the companions you get can really help. I used Boone and Veronica and they more or less destroyed everything in one or two hits. And there are so many quests and things to do. Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood is very good, too, and I think grandma would enjoy it since she played the other two.

    Right now, I am playing Dead Space 2 (awesome), Two Worlds 2 (Vastly improved from its predecessor, but still just OK), Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep (best game in that series since the original), Donkey Kong Country Returns (hard as fuck, but incredibly fun), Goldeneye for the Wii (excellent), and I recently finished up Majin and the Forsaken Kingdom.

    Also, The Sly Collection on PS3 is a great choice for anyone who liked those games on the PS2. I have been for a new update forever. Glad to hear she got her groove back. I loved FFXIII, by the way, but can understand why Grandma quit playing it.

     
  • At 3:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey! Lets get a dead space 2 video of grandma, I would love to see that!

     
  • At 11:23 AM, Blogger Kate 5 said…

    It's back! Yes!
    Game on! :)

     
  • At 5:03 PM, Blogger Jinx said…

    Yes! Game on Grandma! I wsa getting worried.

     
  • At 2:19 AM, Anonymous Kenneth M B said…

    Fuck.. Tim I am tempted to get on facebook and give grandma a buzz and ask her to politely slap you upside the back of the head. I removed OGHC from my gaming bookmarks about 4 months ago. I figured grandma forgot about us and was already tired of sharing he life.

    So to shorten this damned rant, I decided to give a check in on my favorite gaming grandma. Low and behold my eyes spy a Jan 21st post. Well I'll add grandma back to the top of the list if Tim doesn't get lazy on us again!

     
  • At 4:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yay, you're back! I was worried :( Glad to see that all is well, and looking forward to seeing some new posts. :D Game on!

     
  • At 9:20 AM, Anonymous ttv said…

    That's a good idea...

     
  • At 4:32 PM, Blogger Nathaniel said…

    Welcome back! I have missed hearing about OGHC for a while. Glad I kept checking back. Any chance you are going to put any updates on Twitter? Ciao!

    NC

     
  • At 2:30 AM, Anonymous Phantom552 said…

    Nice to see yall back & posting new content.

    Working and sleeping, sleeping and working is all to familiar a feeling... Wish i had more time for fun as of late, and more money to fund it, but what can I say other than 'Shit Happens'. lol

     
  • At 8:14 AM, Blogger Kaya the Creep said…

    First of all - to the person who put "About damn time" up, remember: this is a blog, and it's not Tim's number one responsibility to keep this up at all. It's a priviledge, since people have their own lives and you get to read these posts for free. Yeesh.

    Anyway, I am just glad to see you guys are both alright, and am happy that I finally get to see new posts, instead of reading the old ones; I only found Grandma when the posts stopped.

    Ooh, Civ 5? Am jealous. Has Grandma played Red Dead Redemption, or Red Dead: Undead Nightmare? If she has Live, I think that even if she wasn't wanting to play a western (the original) the sequel is a steal, with all of the online content you get for free with it. Plus - poker! You can play poker as a zombie!

    I am begging you guys to stay as far away as you can from Deadly Premonition. That stuff... Wow. Me and my fiance actually lost respect for a friend who recommended that to us. Now, if you want screwed-up-ness, if you guys haven't already, I would recommend Silent Hill: Shattered Memories for the Wii. We're hardcore SH fans over here, and that one was like a retelling of the original SH with a twist.

    Well, that, or Alan Wake, of course. That game kinda goes without saying. It's that good. : )

     
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  • At 3:30 PM, Anonymous blue said…

    Damn good to know you guys are back. I THOUGHT you might like Just Cause 2 ;)

    GAME ON! ::hug::

    -Annie

     
  • At 10:05 AM, Blogger Vandal said…

    You know its been like a movie lately. Just as things look bright and awe inspiring, a dark and terrible betrayal occurs (FFXIII) and just as we thought our heroin had been defeated and all was lost, she comes back stronger than ever! GAME ON!

    now after a year its time to make another video! your public demands it!
    <3 OGHC <3 you so much!

     
  • At 8:21 PM, Anonymous Miria said…

    Just found this blog, and it kicks ass. You think your grandma will try more Bioware games, like Dragon Age:Origins or DA2? I'm asking because I've been hooked for months, and I love to hear what other gamers think of it.

     
  • At 1:55 AM, Anonymous Novelty Pens said…

    It hard to find time when you feel like you have to blog. But once the urge to write hits the page, sometimes it hard to stop writing.

     
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  • At 5:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I could not stand final fantasy either. boring as heck.

    so glad to hear grandma is well and still playing. so missed all the videos and updates on her. hope there will be some new videos soon, when you have the time to do them. keep on gamin', grandma!!!!

     
  • At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Logitech G9x Gaming Mouse said…

    Thanks, i really can't wait. It's been a while since a game came out that took my fancy and i'm pretty choosy.

    By the way, Red Dead Redemption is awesome, you should try it.

    Thanks again Granma Hardcore.

     
  • At 4:46 PM, Blogger Ziggy said…

    I thought the campaign was good for black ops but the multiplayer was much of a disappointment. As it goes of civilizations 5 man that is one great game. I think all of the changes they made was a massive improvement to the game and I wish they would make it for the Xbox 360. I know a lot of people don’t like that idea but it was great to play civ with my Xbox friends and civ 5 would be just that much more fun.

     
  • At 5:19 AM, Blogger gih said…

    what happened then bro?

     
  • At 2:02 AM, Anonymous Lotto Results said…

    we missed you grandma! it has been a long time since you updated. welcome back!

     
  • At 4:33 PM, Blogger DLR playnews said…

    WTF... WHY SO LONG? :-(

     
  • At 12:50 PM, Anonymous donser said…

    We have waited for your comeback grandma! we are so happy to hear that you are now again active to the world of blogging! welcome back and congrats!

     
  • At 9:38 PM, Blogger Maharet said…

    I've just been through the same thing with Silent Hill:something homecoming...something. I hated that game. I loved it, but I hated it. It was beautiful, but the original was better gaming than this recent one. The cutscenes were of course to die for, but dude...I'd take crappy cut scenes any day over crappy game play.

    It made me want to give up. That and I'm a rabid Zombie fan on COD and the latest maps have me wondering why I bother with DLC's. I should just buy new games, but nothing interests me anymore. I feel like I've hit a dry spell.

    I nearly got Just Cause 2, but didn't. My husband is into Fallout. Not me. I never finished Fable 2 and 3 is out. BAH!!!! Sometimes I wonder why I bother and then a gamerbuddie passed away. That didn't help matters.

    Of course, Gmah and your blogs always inspire me. Glad I dropped by and don't feel bad that you don't blog often anymore. You get to it when you get to it.

    Game on Gmah!

     
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  • At 4:39 AM, Anonymous Sphira said…

    Welcome Back.. =)

    it has been a long time since your last updated.

     
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  • At 4:45 PM, Anonymous Sayewonn said…

    I just discovered this blog and its pretty awesome! I started my own blog 4 months ago and have been kind of living in my own little world for so long that I decided I might as well check out what some of my contemporaries are doing. I will be following this blog on the regular.

     
  • At 6:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Happy you are good and doing well.

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  • At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Kathy said…

    we are happy for your come back grandma! How was your long time vacation?

     
  • At 11:01 PM, Blogger Fresh Garden said…

    Great to read your stuff again. We all love you, Tim.

     
  • At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey I dig your blog, check your email inbox if you still keep this thing updated, I'd like to link to you in one of my articles

     
  • At 6:11 AM, Anonymous Jason said…

    New Vegas is a great game, very big but good charater builder, can't wait to hear what you think of it.

     
  • At 10:53 AM, Anonymous dress up games for girls said…

    FFX111 sucked! i haven't really got into any of the FF games since the day's of FF7!

     
  • At 9:14 AM, Blogger Archangel said…

    well, you're par for the course Tim!!!! its June now. lol. hope grandma is excited about the games from E3 this year. (if she couldnt make it- she can always catch the show on G4, Xplay ususally covers it the entire weekend)

     
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  • At 12:58 AM, Blogger Rika said…

    !!! I can't believe I missed this new post after faithfully checking for one for so long. I was worried that something had happened to Grandma. I hope things are still good for both of you, and I hope you find time to post more.

     
  • At 11:43 AM, Anonymous zygor leveling guide said…

    Hey Grandma, just wanted to stop by and thank you for every you are doing, and to keep gaming! :)

     
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  • At 11:45 AM, Anonymous good inspirational quotes said…

    Not much to say than thank you grandma, i hope all is well! ^_^

     
  • At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well, I had feared the worst when you hadn't posted for a while, but I'm glad tosee you're back up again! However, I've found a great new blog to replace you, it's growing so I expect you'll see alot more of it soon! (Although it only is on its second post!)
    http://videogamesnewsreviews.blogspot.com/

     
  • At 7:13 AM, Anonymous ruberfield said…

    Great fun to play games with grandmom again;)

     
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    This is an awesome blog! Keep up the good work!

     
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  • At 3:05 PM, Blogger Dorin T. said…

    Oh i'm glad you're back to blogging.Really enjoyed reading your blogs.Keep rocking it 'grandma

     
  • At 3:23 PM, Anonymous Bjamer said…

    Woohoo! I'm comment #70, lol. Well, I just wanted to say hello. I love her videos. I posted a link on my gaming blog a long time ago and am going to to re-post a link to here again. :)

     
  • At 2:20 AM, Anonymous *^_^* said…

    Glad to hear from you guys again! ;D
    Looking forward to hearing more about New Vegas.

     
  • At 12:36 PM, Blogger Chick Geek said…

    And you promised, you *promised* to post more "in the days to come"! How many days have to come? Come on, it's been JANUARY, 8 months ago!

     
  • At 2:28 PM, Anonymous free online virus scan said…

    And there is a reason to return to grandma - funny reading!

     
  • At 5:56 AM, Blogger Phantom552 said…

    Hope to see OGHC getting more active soon. I miss the updates!

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  • At 1:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    umm its been almost a year without any updates....again...just saying.

     
  • At 3:43 AM, Blogger Titus Proxima and Valhalla said…

    I just want to say that your blog is AWESOME!

    Hopefully, out gaming blog can be just as good as yours one day. :D Really hope you post again this year, and I wish I had found you sooner.

    Control Room

     
  • At 5:58 AM, Anonymous andrei said…

    Glad you're back and posting again!

     
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    fallout huh??pretty nice game.. i love that game.

     
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    Good post, I like the game, thank you. Old Grandma, you are great!

     
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    Its been so long, but I believe there might be a game she'd like. Saints Row The Third is totally sick wicked fun.

     
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    So, are you guys okay? It was a long time for this post... and it's nearly a year now again, if not more. Love the blogs, but love to see more.

     
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