Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Grandma in New York City: Days 2 & 3

We're back in Cleveland, now. The past two days in NYC were not only fun, they were sublime. Grandma is exhausted, but she's in heaven. She is ready to do it again. She knows her job, she knows the crew, she knows the games.

She knows she wants me to get the goddamn camera out of her face so she can get back to her brand spankin' new XBox 360.

MTV thought she should have one handy.

Thursday morning Grandma and I made the short trip from the Millennium Broadway Hotel over to MTV studios, less than a block away. We briefly went over the day's itinerary before they whisked her away for makeup and wardrobe. Grandma isn't really a "foundation and lipstick" girl, so the experience was a bit strange for her. She enjoyed it nonetheless. Suzie was also getting ready for the cameras, and had an interesting conversation with Grandma about an icon of Times Square ;) Grandma really liked Suzie; she didn't quite recognize who she was until halfway through the conversation.

Grandma was familiar with bluescreen work from watching embedded "making-of" videos for certain games that utilized the technology, but she had never seen a studio before, let alone WORK in one. The studio's windows were just a floor above Broadway, and the gathering crowds combined with NYPD cruisers and honking taxies were silenced by thick sound-proofing and giant face "Yo" banners that adorned the building. Everyone in the studio worked quickly to set the lights and position the camera for the chroma values relayed via headsets from an unseen control room. Grandma was given short instructions on the coming shoot, and we all tried to explain to Grandma the relaxed nature of the shoot; that she could simply be herself, and they would edit and bleep out anything that didn't meet standards. "You can just say what you think about the games, just be honest- tell us 'in your own words' what you felt while playing..." said one.
"You can use the language that you're accustomed to using in this, it's okay- don't try to censor yourself" said another. Grandma tilted her head a bit as if to say "...excuse me, I think I need a bit more clarification on this point." Someone in the control room noticed her obvious confusion and chimed in; the voice of god, booming over the studio causing everyone without headsets to look up:
"Just say whatever the fuck you want."

Grandma burst out laughing. She understood.

If you ever wondered what its like to be on camera in such a place and you happen to ask Grandma, she would probably say "it's really fucking BRIGHT." Four large arrays of lamps plus numerous overhead spotlights illuminated Grandma to such a degree that if she were to remain on set for too long, the concentrated photons focused by her bifocals would have burned holes in her eyeballs. In her words, it was "awesome."

Grandma nailed her reviews with ease, surprising pretty much everybody. We were way ahead of schedule, so Grandma got to meet Seth Green for a minute or so before he went on TRL. Rather than slobbering on the man about Robot Chicken, Family Guy, Buffy and Austin Powers, Grandma just treated him as he treated her, as just another gamer. He was in a hurry, but it was very cool of him to stop and say hello to Grandma.

During a break, Grandma and I got to grab some lunch and do something she's always wanted to try: a carriage ride through Central Park. It was a dreary winter day in New York, so I don't think she got the full experience, and the trip was with me, Mellissa and Jessie; me with my big honkin' still camera, Jessie with his big honkin' 3CCD video camera, and Mellissa with a big honkin' boom microphone- so it was, shall we say "less than romantic." She loved it, however. The whole time the four of us were bullshitting about video games, so she had a blast.

Damien presented her with a tour of the TRL studio space, and gave her a gift that has to be seen to believed. Grandma has used a cane ever since her knee started acting up again, and MTV knew this- so they made her a functional cane with a mounted Logitec wireless XBox controller, pimped out with G-Hole insignia, so that she may walk down any red carpet that appears before her with confidence. West Coast Customs lost out on this one, it was all "the prop guys." We salute you, O prop guys of MTV. It's a hell of a cane.

Grandma stepped up to the window to see the crowds below, and for that moment, she was a rock star. She waved, they waved; she was excited and a little embarrassed simultaneously, but it was great. While she was distracted by a moment of window-induced fame, Alex snuck up behind her with a large cardboard box and said "we got you a little something Grandma."

Grandma turned around just as the box was opened.

Inside the box, Grandma recognized a logo that had proved unattainable for two excruciating months. Her self conscious awareness of the scrutiny outside that window flew away, and there on the TRL stage, Grandma and her XBox 360 met for the first time. She received the Premium Package XBox 360 with an extra wireless controller, games, and other goodies to assist Grandma in her new position as Senior Games Correspondent.

Later that evening, Grandma and I went down to St. Mark's on a recommendation by cxc and Brett Alters in the comments section of our last post. We couldn't afford the clothes, as most of our money had already gone towards taxis and endless trips to Delis, Pizza shops, Chipotle, and McDonalds, but good lord that game shop was sweet. They had a copy of Intelligent Qube in mint condition for PS1. You know how long we have tried to find that bitch?! They had Intellivisions, Ataris, TurboGrafix 16s, Nintendo, Genesis, The 32x (but not the best Star Wars game ever to grace the system; they said it would be in on Monday), and pretty much every video game Grandma had ever played. We knew where to go on our next trip out, and we're bringing cash this time.

We went directly from St. Mark's over to Union Square Theater for a screening of the movie Grandma's Boy. I felt sort of ill during the screening from all the pizza I had consumed, so I wasn't up for a comedy without alcohol of some kind, and Regal cinemas doesn't serve beer or mixed beverages. We ordered a giant bucket of popcorn, a large Cherry Coke for me and a large Diet Coke for Grandma, and prepared for our first ever movie screening.

The first thing we noticed is that certain sections we roped off for those like us who were "on the list." The scrolling marquee outside the theater had no mention of the flick, so it took some whispering employees for us to find the number. We had fairly good seats and everyone was really polite. Grandma loved the moments in which the elderly characters accidentally became stoned. She laughed an unusually loud cackle on this scene, which tells me there are things about Grandma I didn't know. I would give a full review of the movie, but it was really just a treat for Grandma, and she seemed to like it enough so I don't want to ruin things with my own jaded opinions.

We went back to the hotel, completely worn out from the excitement of the day- and immediately removed the XBox 360 from its neat, airport-ready package to hook it up to the flat screen television in the room. Imagine you're in the 47th floor of a gorgeous hotel overlooking Times Square and The Chrysler Building (which Grandma noted as the final level of a Parasite Eve game) with all of New York City just an elevator ride and a taxi hail away; and there is a brand new XBox 360 with that sweet smell of static wrapping paper snug in its box, what are you going to do?

We plugged in the 360 of course.

Grandma and I played a bit of Kameo, but we learned fast that the tiny speakers in the hotel room don't do the large screen justice, so we were afraid to try games like King Kong and Condemned here rather than at home. She was fascinated by the Dashboard system and fell asleep playing Hexic HD; knowing full well that any achievements she racked up would be wasted when she transferred her Microsoft given XBox Live account (thanks againTriXie!) to her new machine, but who cares. It's HER XBox 360. It already has a name. "The Beast."

I am completely in awe of this thing. Within five minutes of hooking the fucker up, I had already plugged in a Nikon D100 via a USB cord and uploaded a background image for Grandma, and also plugged in my iPod and was grooving to some music while trying to beat her Hexic high score.

Oh is it nice ;)

Let's just hope the games are good. A brilliant system is worthless without great games; so Grandma is about to do some serious "reviewing." This creates an interesting contrast of opinion for Grandma; if a game is good, then "of course it's fucking good! It's a next-gen system with a good developer!!" If a game is mediocre or bad, then "oh Jesus fucking Christ on a CROSS, WHAT a disppointment!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?" So far, Grandma is digging Kameo; and King Kong has intrigued her- but that is neither here nor there, I'm getting ahead of myself:

Day 3.

Grandma got up extra early for a whole SLEW of radio interviews, and everyone was incredibly nice to Grandma, so thanks guys. The first was at the ungodly time of 7:10am in Jeff's office in the Viacom building (NICE view from up there) with the Mattie in the Morning in Boston (great bunch of folks.) Then breakfast with Jeff (who worked on GTA at Rockstar previously, so the man's a gamer- the three of us get along great; we dig the same stuff.) All of us drove down to the CBS Broadcast Center for Grandma's radio tour, named as such because she magically traveled the country in disembodied voice form. Grandma was on XTRA in San Diego, CA; KXJM, Portland, OR; WJBX, Naples, FL; and KRBZ in Kansas City, KS. Grandma had a blast, especially on the taped shows in which she didn't have to worry about the FCC monetarily ripping out her vocal chords for certain forbidden phrases she uses sometimes.

THEN she had a photo shoot back at MTV which was all kinds of awesome; (I'll show you the shots they took soon; the man was GOOD.) As an unexpected benefit of the shoot, they had a PSP and a DS there which Grandma quickly used for "educational" purposes. Grandma also has to play Guitar Hero now, everyone is telling her to try it, so she's GOT to see that thing. After it was over, Grandma and I took a cab down to Chinatown to try that Dim Sum cxc told us about (Grandma liked it, I still prefer pieces of dead animal in my food instead of vegetarian dishes; no offense, it's just a personal taste) and grab some souvenirs for the family back home.

[Also, four-inch nerf foam nunchakus are not to be placed in carry-on luggage, donchaknow.]

After Chinatown, we went back to MTV to collect some things we left there, give them stuff we thought they'd like, and say goodbye to the folks that made NYC Grandma's second home. They didn't overly flatter Grandma, or shower her with heavy, unnecessary compliments; nor were they rude and snobbish, treating her like some Midwestern hick. They were very cool. They were sincere. They were great; and Grandma can't wait to work again.

Thanks MTV.

So! We have a lot of news coming up, a lot to share on the site, a lot of t-shirts to ship out to you (if I haven't e-mailed you yet to verify your size and address, I will in the next couple days, I like to do everything personally; also, it may take some time to get there, please be patient!!) and the Old Grandma Hardcore Grandma's Boy Grandma Giveaway Thing is still going strong, so make sure you e-mail me to be included in the drawing for the gift packs. ...I know I'm forgetting something... shit. OH! Remember, Grandma's gamertag is "OGHC" so look for her online. We have a lot more posts coming, folks.

A LOT more.

Game on!!


  • At 6:27 PM, Blogger DY357LX said…

    I noticed Grandma on my Live Friends List playing Hexic (which is built into the 360 harddrive) so I knew this post was coming :D

    At long last eh? :-)

    I look forward to playing some 360 titles online with Tim / Grandma.
    I reccomend Perfect Dark Zero + Call Of Duty 2.... mainly because they're the 2 titles I own.

    Oh and.... Monday's OXM magazine has a Final Fantasy XI Online beta test disc along with the cover disc. It's gonna rock.


  • At 6:37 PM, Blogger DY357LX said…

    Forgot: GamerTag = Lord Nestor.

    Tim + Grandma -- what do you think of Condemned? I noticed that was being played by "OGHC" not too long ago.

  • At 7:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I was just going to write to you after reading the review of `Grandmom`s Boy`. Guess I don`t have to now. Did they pattern that after you, Tim? Love you all!

  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    Hey! We were talking about you in New York; we were asking people why you couldn't find a copy of WCP in the UK (don't bother, Grandma's probably going after a new Poker Game soon, anyway). Condemned is beautifully scary (made me jump more than once watching Grandma play it) but the controls are a bit clumsy when turning (I'm hoping I can change the sensitivity a bit to fit Grandma better.)


    Fuck no. In that movie the dude school's Grandma on his game; in our world, Grandma taught ME everything. Besides, Grandma is much cooler than that ;)

  • At 8:42 PM, Blogger DDREEK said…

    so when will it be on???

  • At 8:53 PM, Blogger Collin said…

    That's fantastic Tim & Grandma!

    I found something and I was racking my brain trying to remember if it was Grandma or someone else entirely, but someone had said that they loved the old radio show "Inner Sanctum Mysteries". I mentioned that I had an old LP that contained one broadcast when I was a kid and I loved it. Well, I just found out that there is a site where you can download 90 episodes as MP3s. It does cost, but it's $7.50 for 1 GB worth of downloads and each episode seems to range from 5-8 MB a piece. they even have the episode that was on my album: 'Til Death Do Us Part'.

    I'm going to give it a shot, start off with 1 GB (because they also have another series I loved – 'Richard Diamond'), and I'll let you know if it's worth it if you want. The site is here: http://www.otrftpserver.com/

    Oh! And did you get my email about the size shirt I need?


  • At 9:19 PM, Blogger DY357LX said…

    Tim: You were talking about me? Thats made my day :-D - it really it awesome to know that you and Grandma bother to read and take the comments on this site to heart.

    Will you and Grandma do what I did with my 360 and go alittle crazy trying to earn more and more achievement points? (They're relatively easy to get in Condemned. I won't ruin the game for you but you get some easy points for NOT using any guns. It also makes the game alittle scarier when you're forced to melee attack everything.)

    I've still had no luck finding out why World Championship Poker isn't out here in the UK but i'm willing to wait for Dead Or Alive 4 (Jan 20th for your UK readers) and Capcom have confirmed that Street Fighter will be coming to the X-Box Live Arcade soon. (I'm not sure which version of Street Fighter but apparently there's an Online Mode and stuff like "Winner Stays On". It should be very cool and I look forward to battling it out with you, Grandma and your readers!)


    Don't forget about the Final Fantasy XI Online beta disc in this months OXM!

    Keep up the great work on the site.

  • At 9:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am soooo glad you guys actually went to the little games shop that I suggested. That place is my favorite! Next time you plan on stopping by the store in NY let me know if you can. It would be an honor and a privelage to meet you and OGHC. Game on!

    -Brett Alters

  • At 12:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That's so awesome! I'm SO GLAD you guys had such an amazing time - it sounds like you really got pretty much the full experience of being there (next time have MTV get you guys tickets to see a taping of The Daily Show! Jon Stewart FTW!), and that much, MUCH fun was had all around. I can't wait to see the footage ::grin::

    Quick warning about Kameo: anything having to do with Deep Blue will make you scream. I was in danger of setting things on FIRE with my curses, repeatedly bellowing out that the character controlled "like a turd in a toilet" and nicknaming him "the shit submarine." Corolis is probably one of the most AWFUL bosses I've ever played, and you will thank the merciful gods once you've beaten him. But it definitely has its charm, and the controls otherwise are smooth and make sense. And let me tell you that getting that Blast attack of Rubble's (where he shoots out all his rocks) and the add-on to speed it up is ENTIRELY WORTHWHILE. He will fuck up all kinds of shit with that ::laugh:: And I definitely want to know what you guys think of King Kong and Condemmed! Oooo... and I'm definitely not a fan of sports games, but Amped 3 is a LOT of fun, and has a very unique style to it - I'd say it's definitely something you should look into renting ::smile::

    Man, I'm just so happy for you guys, and every time I hear that another news agency has decided to report on OGHC's awesomeness I give a little cheer and dance around in my chair. You guys are the best, and I love seeing good people succeed. VIVA LA GAMERS!

    All the best to you and yours, many hugs to you guys, and as always, I'm eager to hear more of your travels. Take care, be well, and GAME ON!


  • At 2:33 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    I think the stuff we shot will air late this month on Overdrive; but I'll let everyone know for sure when we find out.


    YES! Grandma listened to that show WAY back in the day. Let us know! I think it would be an interesting thing to see her listening to the MP3's of ISM while playing PGR3 ;) And yup! I got your e-mail, but before I ship it out, I'm going to send you an e-mail confirming size from your e-mail and shipping address so I can slap it on the package after the confirmation. It's my own damn fault I have to do all the confirmations, but it works better this anyway!


    Hell yeah we read the comments! Usually it works like this: The comments are e-mailed to my Yahoo account and then published onto the site. Grandma logs on to the Yahoo account and reads them, and usually late in the evening when she's playing I'll log on to Blogger and read them. We need you guys!

    Grandma is addicted to Hexic. It has happened. There is no going back. Now Street Fighter..... THAT takes me back.


    Hey dude, thanks for the suggestion, it was great! They even had R.O.B., in its original non-working condition ;) She was going through the games like it was a giant timeline of her life for the past thirty years.

    It was very cool. Yeah, watch for a post saying we're heading back to NYC for some more work and hit us up! We'll all get lunch or go to an arcade or something. (What happened to Barcode?!? I loved that place.)


    You know what Grandma is doing right now? Go ahead. Check your XBox friends list, it'll tell ya. What it DOESN'T say is what she says to the television during her Kameo frustration. Good lord she's going strong. "Use your words" my teacher used to tell me. I never understood that phrase until now.

    She's going to work on Condemned and King Kong next week, but to tell the truth she's still playing Dragon Quest VIII, and doesn't want to focus on another thing until she's done with that! *sigh* She has a lot to do it seems ;) And so do you from what I hear!

  • At 4:04 AM, Blogger Das Niche said…

    I'm digging the recent blogs. Grandma is getting quite the publicity!!! I'm going to be her first paparazzi, there was a guy outside your house in a parked car, not sure if he was delivering pizza or beat me to the job, but I killed him just in case... ^_^

    Now I sit in your bushes and wait.

  • At 5:55 AM, Blogger Art Green said…


    Awesome news that your Grandma got the 360! If you remember the Fark thread, I was the one that asked you if she was going to get one. (DAebi1)

    I'll add "OGHC" on XBL. My GamerTag is DAebi1.


    PS: Download Geometry Wars!

  • At 1:28 PM, Blogger Valerie said…

    Congrats, Tim & Grandma! Sounds like NY was a LOT of fun and I can only imagine how floored Grandma was to get that XBox 360. Can't wait to see the pictures from the MTV shoot, and of course the interviews!

  • At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Grandma & Tim,

    I am SO happy for you both! I find myself smiling each time I read your blog. Grandma's gaming is awesome and mixed with the fame she's finding really tickles me. To think that she is finding a new "career" at age 69 and traveling, seeing stuff, and just plain having a ball, is fabulous and gives me a lot of hope. I am 48 and have been thinking of returning to school to pursue something I've always wanted. At times I think why bother at my age and will I really USE it anyway, etc. etc. Grandma's adventures have actually changed my attitude about it all and I just may be signing up for classes next Fall!(tution is free or I'd not be able to consider this right now) Of course, I must consider the time I'll have to give up gaming in order to study ;-)

    Congrats on the 360!! I almost got one but decided instead to wait until next Fall/Winter and instead built a new computer. I still plan on getting the 360 though, all tricked out. Meanwhile, I'll just listen to you folks enjoying yours! Lookin' forward to seeing Grandma on MTV. Game on!


  • At 3:53 PM, Blogger ivorynetsuke said…

    I am so happy for the two of you!!! Especially since Grandma now has a 360 =) There's still goodness out there in the world after all ... hooray!

    How has the rest of the family been handling all of this?


  • At 5:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You forgot to mention the EGM interview!!

    Photos from the epic studio shoot coming tomorrow!

    Go, Grandma! See you on Live!

    - Alex

  • At 9:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I've only just come across OGHC, but I'm already looking forward to catching up on some older posts. Superb stuff. I'd be interested to read what Grandma makes of Xbox Live Arcade on the 360; there are some great little games on there. I'd recommend Zuma highly.

  • At 10:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    HELL Yeah!!!!!!!!!

    Great news for the new year from you Guys... Damn now I have to like MTV again they sure are treating you guys great. I wrote them a email and told them that I have to give them props for giving grandma a show... 8)

    and damn you have a 360 too.

    If I get to play grandma in a game on the 360 that would be sooo cool.

    My gamer tag is Grotus666


  • At 3:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Congrats on becoming a fellow Xbox 360 owner! I highly recommend that Grandma download Geometery Wars. Outpost Koliki X is a nifty little game as well.

    I don't have any retail games for the 360 yet; I'm saving up for 99 Nights. That game looks like it's going to be 4-player live online action slashing through more enemies than you can shake a stick at.
    I'd love to meet you on Xbox Live some time! I'll email you my gamer tag. Thank you!

  • At 11:16 AM, Blogger paine said…

    hey how did grandma luck into all of this in the first place i mean shes really no different than alot of us except her age. i mean i can only play with one hand cause im disabled due to a stroke at 18

  • At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Not luck. I am convinced that the great things that have happened to OGHC is a cosmic oversite to the rule that great things don't happen to great people. OGHC and Tim deserve all of the awsome things that are happening for them. I haven't posted before but I look forward to my OGHC fix everyday. I hope that great things keep happening for you, 'cause, frankly, you deserve it. I am just glad you share it with us. ACK! Was that cheesy enough? GAME ON!
    -Tim in Vegas

  • At 12:53 PM, Blogger Collin said…

    Tim: Okay, I grabbed all of the Inner Sanctum Mysteries and Richard Diamond. After listening to a few of each I would say that it was certainly worth the money. The quality of the Inner Sanctums so far has varied quite a bit and there were a few duplicated shows in the list that were just named a bit differently but overall excellent. Considering that there are 90 files that are about a half hour long each, I have a fair ways to go before I've heard them all. Were there any other radio shows that Grandma liked "back in the day"?

  • At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Paine, OGHC wasn't an overnight sensation. If you're an amazing 1-handed gamer, I think there are a number of developers who'd be interested in talking with you. There's a nasty catch-22 about developing for disabled people right now:
    No one is really sure how to make a game that'd be inviting to someone like you. Because of that, it seems like there aren't any disabled gamers to discuss the issue with.

    You could bridge that gap. Start blogging and be patient. When the word gets out, you could possibly get buzz like OGHC is.
    Good luck to you!

  • At 5:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Saw your Grandma on the internet. I thought I was the only grandma playing video games,Iam 49yrs old.
    Tell her A Big Hello from another
    video game grandma,keep on playing.

  • At 6:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey Grandma wanna take over the universe??? try www.eve-online.com

  • At 1:39 AM, Blogger paine said…

    sweet thank you very much ethrin id like to help them redisign the controllers like the L button is the only thing i got problm,s with. where do i blog at cause i know i could five people helping advice. i do love watching about OGHC, shs also inspired me to wanna continue gaming when im that age.

  • At 1:52 AM, Blogger paine said…

    man i need to review before submit i meant give people

  • At 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wow, sounds like you had an amazing time. Congrats on all the wonderful things you get to experience.

    I do have a comment about your new cain! It sounds like the Winter-een-mas staff from http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com It's this great holiday for gamers, more information on Winter-een-mas found here http://www.wintereenmas.com

    you should check it out if you're not familiar. The comics on ctrl+alt+dlt are fantastic!

  • At 4:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey Paine,

    Would you please contact me me via email at Ethrin(at)hotmail(dot)com

    Thank you =D

    I'd be curious as to your opinion on a few things. Hope to hear from you soon!

    Have you tried this mouse from 3M?

  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger paine said…


  • At 7:51 PM, Blogger paine said…

    Ethrin i emailed yo uwith a few ideas

  • At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Glad y'all had a good time. Man, NYC's so hit-or-miss. Some people love it, while others can never get used to it. Cheers!

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  • At 2:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi! We were dealing with anyone within Ny;cheap diablo 3 Gold i was asking people the reasons you would not look for a content regarding WCP in the united kingdom (don't bother, Might be likely after the new Poker Online game soon, anyhow). Condemned is definitely superbly scary (forced me to be soar again seeing Granny get involved in it) though the regulates undoubtedly are a touch clumsy whenever transforming (I'm hoping I couldBillig Guild Wars 2 Gold change the sensitivity a lttle bit to suit Nanny far better.)


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