Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, December 29, 2005


The Motley Fool published an article using Grandma as an indicator of certain demographic expansion truisms made by their staff whilst issuing stock recommendations on such companies as GameStop and Electronic Arts; presenting a strong, positive attitude towards the direction of the gaming industry.

Articles like these have to inspire somebody to make a move with their investments. GameStop Corp.'s stock closed on the 28th at 31.52; the reiteration of the promise of the stock within Motley Fool's article featuring Grandma went live that evening. On December 29th, when the NYSE closed the floor, the stock was up .24 (.75%).

And Grandma STILL can't afford an XBox 360.

Something doesn't smell right, here; and it's NOT my Dollar General (NYSE: DG) 25 for $.99 Bazooka chewing gum.

It's not that I'm complaining. We've shot ourselves in the financial foot many times over the course of the past six months regarding the site, and we will continue to do so as long as we have that tiny bit of dignity left that comes with the ability to free the site of advertising. There's nothing wrong with ads on the site as long as they're not obtrusive or annoying; but Grandma and I don't want them- the site isn't about making money. We would like to keep it that way for a few reasons I've mentioned in the past and will repeat here so that I may better practice my typing skills so Mavis Beacon and that damn whip of hers leaves me the hell alone.

1. Readers don't like ads. This is an easy one. When I surf the web, do I really want a fullscreen flash ad; hand crafted for hours in Macromedia so that no matter how many times I click the hard-to-find "[X]" the ad doesn't go away until I Alt-F4 which only closes the damn window I wanted to see in the first place leaving only me and the ad in a high noon stare-down anticipated by whatever demonic "Gator-like" agency enough to subliminally spawn Bonzai Buddy to whisper through my computer speakers: "You know, you can't get to the page anyway and that IS a cool looking shirt" or "come on, you can punch the monkey- it's not like it's HARD; look how slow he's going! You NEED an iPod Shuffle/XBox 360/PS3/Viagra/No Fault Divorce... why not just... punch the monkey?"

2. Money=Bias. No matter how hard you try. If I desperately need money for the electric bill and Namco gives me $6,000 to say Katamari Damacy is better than Jesus on a pony, chances are I'd do it because I have no shame. By not taking money, we don't have to worry about that. If a company sends Grandma a free game to review and she doesn't like it, we're going to tell you. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but its a lot better than the electricity being turned off.

3. We like you people. You've been like an extended family for Grandma. Do you like asking for money from your family? I sure as hell don't. To me, ads say "buy this thing because they gave Grandma money, and you like Grandma."

So that brings us back to that smelly sort of fragrance in the air. You want a investment tip? Invest in game companies, independent developers, publishers, console manufacturers and the like, and don't sell until people like Grandma would never be considered for any news program because everyone knows how common it is. It already is common to see someone over 50 game, but through Grandma's publicity- people are beginning to notice. It's a strange sort of cycle that dooms Grandma to obscurity; and she is FINE with that, I tells ya! If it can eliminate the stigma older gamers have had to deal with at electronic retail stores, online, and in doctor's offices, she will gladly give all the attention away. That's why she's so excited about working with MTV. MTV gives her the ability to reach a younger audience who have learned that games were always designed for THEM; the youth. "You know, for kids!"

We're not greedy people; we're just broke! I work as a photographer, Grandma has her Social Security (WHICH, by the way- AP news got us in some trouble over the comment "spends most of her social security check on games;" that's not true- her check goes towards BILLS. If she has a little left over, then maybe she'll spend it on something she likes, and she likes to game, so... yeah) and Mom is really the breadwinner of the household. I'm getting a third job at a gas station down the road to help out more around here with the higher bills. So I suppose that's my crazy, incoherent rant of the week on stocks, advertisements, and the ethics of cash generated from such a website.

Tomorrow- OGHC T-Shirts!! What they look like and how to buy them! We ordered based on your e-mails last week so we know how many, so we'll have about 200. First come first serve starting with tomorrow's instructions, after they're gone- we'll have to wait until we have enough capital again to buy them.

.....Yes. Yes, I realize the irony.

Game on!!


  • At 11:51 PM, Anonymous rpm said…

    I bought Interplay before Baldur's Gate 1 came out, $5.00 a share

    It is now at $0.008 (and I believe that's *after* a 10:1 reverse split)

    And no, there is no typo in that price.

  • At 11:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It sucks to be broke.
    I find this time of year to be particularly hard financially.

    You've held out this long on the advertising and I understand why. I hope you will allow yourselves to make some profit on the t-shirts.

    In any event you never know where a selfless act is going to lead. Generosity creates opportunity.

    - Mama Lombax

  • At 1:09 AM, Anonymous Meh Toole said…

    Know that you're not alone. We're all struggling out here. It's tough. Simply put.

    If you get the chance to generate some ad revunue with your site, you probably should take it. There are ways to do it so that the public doesn't mind. Sure, it would be better if one never had to encounter ads while surfing the internet. But the reality is different. Now, I've been going to Fark.com for many years, and the ads on that site don't bother me in the slightest. Sometimes, they're even selling something I'm interested in.

    Look, all I'm saying is that you're intentions are noble, but you're situation sounds dire. If you can use your writing skills and photography skills to help support yourself, go for it. I won't mind at all. And I'll keep checking your site.

    Peace out.

  • At 3:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I've been following this blog since the Mtv thing; Grandma fucking rocks!

    My advice; cash in.

    Add a simple google text add like they have at Digg.com. Nothing flashy. If anyone doesn't like it tell them to shit in their hat. If you make billions and you feel guilty, donate a large chunk of it to charity!

  • At 4:30 AM, Blogger Casey said…

    Yeah, google ads are so unobtrusive. I think you're making too big a deal of it and overthinking things. Just go for it if you need the money.

  • At 5:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think you should stay away from ads for other people and concentrate on small ads for your t-shirt sales.

    With Google Ads you only get paid if people click on it, with professional or singular ads for companies or games you would probably only make as much as merchandise sales; so stick with the T-shirts. We want them, so its not like your pushing them, it was requested! Have a small ad for your own stuff, nobody would mind, and you get some extra cash for bills and games for Grandma with a free conscience.

  • At 5:58 AM, Anonymous diehardDanny said…

    I suggest you simply add a Donate button so everyone who likes can paypal a few $$$ to Grandma so she can get an Xbox or PS3 and maybe it also helps paying a few bills. Just my 2c.

    Otherwise keep up the good work. Love your site, lova grandma and the way she laughs :-)

    (former Desert Combat-Dev)

  • At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I understand your situation. My grandma has to feed my aunt my uncle and 3 grandchildren, pay bills and care for the house. The govenment pays her about 300$ monthly but cause it's Poland they hardly make ends meet. And as for your Granny : Keep it up!!

  • At 10:32 AM, Blogger Digital Art Photography for Dummies said…

    It's the grandmothers who I'm depending on to buy my book "Digital Art Photography for Dummies" because of their keen interest in learning how to photograph their grandkids.

  • At 11:20 AM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    How about a "donate if you like us" button, without any strings or or guilt or obligations attached.

    Or allow some small profit on the t-shirts?

  • At 11:36 AM, Blogger Collin said…

    I second the idea of "pushing" your own merchandise over random ads. The t-shirts are a good start.

  • At 1:27 PM, Anonymous clow said…

    I think you could find a way to milk some money without totally whoring yourslef to the masses. t-shirts are agood start

  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger hugz n drugz said…

    any hot chick?
    if so, drop me a line :)

    please excuse the...err...ad.

  • At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Samantha said…

    T-SHIRTS !!!! gimmie


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