Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

MTV To Grandma: Let's Get Started!

Grandma and I are flying out to New York City this Wednesday to work on some reviews for The G-Hole on MTV Overdrive. I'm going to blog the whole trip for you guys to preserve my "journalistic ambitions" and "free WiFi access."

The last time Grandma was in NYC, Gerald Ford was in office, so this is a HUGE thrill for her. Things have changed a bit since 1976 from what I understand.

Not least of which is the inclusion of "NintendoWorld."

I love New York. It's my favorite city. There are so many things I want to show her. Grandma has never afforded herself the luxury of travel; even when times are good it can be a pricey venture. MTV's message is clear: "Don't worry about it. Think of it as a 'business trip!'" So basically, Grandma's job is to play some games, review some games, then do it on camera. I would say Grandma has the best job in the universe, but I get to follow her around, take pictures and write about it... so I win ;)

The last time I was in New York, Grandma was comfortable at home playing Xenosaga while I wandered through Battery Park; the knock off watch and sunglass "suitcase salesmen" who stalk the tourists coming off the arriving ferries from Liberty Island were replaced by a wall of people holding a candle vigil in front of a twisted, mangled and burnt statue recovered from the small park between the World Trade Center Towers. The time before that, I was at the top of those towers; in the observation deck overlooking all of Manhattan, taking photos as gifts my professors later took to China as part of some "theater awareness expedition."

Within the observation deck was a restaurant and a "helicopter ride;" a horrible simulator that consisted of a dimly lit projected fly-by of the skyline and a 10-20 seat platform attached to rusty, loud pistons that would rock it in directions relative to your perspective of the screen. As I realized my $7.50 was gone forever, the only thought I could offer up while being violently jerked around on this god-awful carnival ride 100 stories into the sky as some vaudevillian voice-over screamed through blown out speakers behind me "Uh, oh! ...Here comes the BROOKLYN BRIDGE! DUCK EVERYBODY!!" was "...Grandma would laugh so hard she would pee a little if she saw this shit."

I kept my ticket stub just to tell her the story. I still have it.

A common perception to folks from either coast in this country is that those who reside in the vast region from New Jersey to Las Vegas are crazy motherfuckers who envy anyone who live in L.A. or New York and look up at skyscrapers in awe of man's achievements only to fall into a pothole at that very moment and have their Platinum Amex card with the cute Mickey Mouse design on the front stolen during their incapacitation in that Darwinian manifestation of country mouse / city mouse in which the lesson learned is 'it is the rodent who always loses.' On this point, I can't speak for Cleveland because we never considered ourselves a part of the Midwest. Cleveland and its suburbs are situated in a very New English style; the settlers and geography of the region not unlike Connecticut.

I can say for Grandma at least, well... let me put it this way. US Rte. 80 is less than 5 miles from our home in Mantua. This magnificent stretch of highway begins on the Bay Bridge in San Francisco and ends at the George Washington Bridge in New York City. When Grandma and I drive South on Rt. 44 and cross over this road, she looks both ways, and sighs.

She's ready.

Game on!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

13 Comments:

  • At 8:08 AM, Blogger Product No.77 said…

    get grandma on Ghost Recon 2 and let her teach those young punks not to trash talk so damn much.

    btw, I found this story on CNN.com. Highly amusing.

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    Happy New Year!

     
  • At 12:04 PM, Blogger Thomas said…

    Happy New Year indeed! Have fun in the Big Apple!

     
  • At 12:40 PM, Blogger Eh... Not so much said…

    Happy New Year, Grandma and Tim! Wow, I almost wish I was still working in NYC, just to be able to stop by the studio and greet you guys in person. Almost. :) Have a great trip!

     
  • At 1:24 PM, Blogger DDREEK said…

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

    Let me know when the second shipment of shirts come. money's tight right now but i'm getting on of thoughs dambed shirts. damb it...so....yeah.

    Happy new year again

    game on

     
  • At 2:10 PM, Anonymous J Money said…

    Have fun in NYC! I was just there last Tuesday... CRAZY busy. Hopefully it won't be so crowded when you get down there... wouldn't want Grandma to get trampled on the way to MTV's studios! I was ready to start a brawl out there as I was getting pushed into oncoming traffic at every crosswalk... by my own mother.

     
  • At 2:15 PM, Anonymous kcswanko said…

    Happy new Years guys, just a thought for 2006. It would be cool to have a link somewhere of all the shows she been in or been a part of. Just FYI

     
  • At 4:38 PM, Blogger Reeve said…

    Happy New Year! Hope you enjoy your stay in NYC!

    And yes, do go to Nintendo World-- it is awesome (though hopefully the holiday crowds will have died down some by the time you guys visit).

     
  • At 9:33 PM, Blogger Bluetech said…

    I think Grandma needs a copy of True Crime New York City to commemorate her trip. Target has it on sale for PS2 this week for $24.

     
  • At 11:49 PM, Blogger Anne Packrat said…

    I hope Grandma really enjoys it! You going to take ain a Broadway play too?

     
  • At 12:41 AM, Anonymous Blue said…

    I hope you guys have a hell of an awesome time, and that there is much gaming and goodness. Keep us posted, and I shall look on and sigh with longing from here on the other coast. Hugs, best wishes, and I hope you have a ton of fun. Take care, be well, and GAME ON!

    -A!

     
  • At 10:45 AM, Blogger Scott said…

    Hey Tim and Grandma, just wanted to say congrats on amazing year...I'm glad I got a chance to get to know you before you blew up and hit it big! :> I hope 2006 goes even better for you!

    -Scott Brodie

     
  • At 4:43 PM, Blogger Murasaki said…

    Happy New Year, Grandma and Tim!

     

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