Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Grandma's Behavior Invites Documented Scrutiny Of Doctor

Grandma is getting a second opinion about the now diminished yet still constant pain since her knee replacement surgery in early Spring. Long time readers will know Grandma's opinion of doctors. To receive attention from a second physician, however, she had to obtain medical documents from the first doctor, creating an awkward sort of "oh, so you want a second opinion, eh? Why? What'd I do to you?" Grandma showed me a funny sort of memo he put in one of the copies. In the interest of preserving the sanctity of HIPPA regulations regarding medical documents and per Grandma's request, I'm putting the blurb up here for all y'all to see. Keep the following in mind: they don't write something down unless they believe it has relevance to the situation. That's what made this so damn funny:
I know med school teaches people to write like legibility classes in first grade never happened, but cast your eyes to the bottom where it states: "spends considerable time playing video games." This will not be the first time gaming has been blamed for Grandma's aches, and it probably won't be the last. Grandma does her exercises at home as prescribed, she goes to therapy, which consists of physical rehabilitative therapy as well as water therapy. She takes pain medication only when things get really bad, only because she's afraid of what drug dependence can do, and she's sick of doctors telling her that she only wants pain management for "Oxycontin." Fuck pain pills, man. She hates them. She doesn't want to sue anybody she doesn't want drugs she just wants the god damn pain to go away. She's given several John Hopkins D-student practitioners an earful when it comes to accusations.

And now she has to again defend video games.

She may be hardcore, but she's not obsessed. She and I go shopping, she moves around, she's not a log. We get so many e-mails from folks in similar situations to Grandma saying that gaming might be the best thing to do when you're hurting. There are readers of oghc that are therapists saying Grandma is doing everything right. So today, Grandma goes to get that second opinion.

I've noticed a recent peak in parental hate-mail asking me how their kids found oghc. A couple of them were nice enough to offer a solution, so here's the compromise that seems to do everything and nothing at the same time: a rating system.

Video #1 - PG-13 (She says "SHIT!")
Video #2 - PG-13 (She uses Asshole, Shit, Hell, and Damn.)
Video #3 - TVMA (She uses Dammit, Damn, Fucking, "ASSHOLE!!" and Ass.)
Video #4 - TV-14 (She uses the phrase "Joint," "Inebriated," Ass, Dammit, Shit, and "PISS!!")
Video #5 - TVMA (She uses Fucker, Oh Shit, and Shit.)
Video #6 - R (She uses Jackass, Dammit, Fuck, Shit, FUCKER, and fucking)
Video #7 - TVMA (She uses Shit, FUCK, asshole, and "stupid.")
The Last Audio MP3 - MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT LYRICS (She says "shit" and that's ...bad or something.)

--So there you go! Now you know!! You are an educated and enlightened parent! Please donate to The Great Grandma Camera Campaign! We're doing great, we only need $388, $378 bucks! Click on the little Paypal button to show you care. Any amount will do! Remember, a game of bingo is $30, so we only need 13 11 more games of bingo to get a working camera for the site. Thanks everybody, and keep up the comments and e-mails! We love you people!--


  • At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    How the hell is video gaming supposed to aggravate Grandma's knee? It's not like she's playing Dance Dance Revolution or anything. For God's sake, she sits in a Barcalounger the whole time. As long as she does her exercise, she should be healing up by now.

    May I suggest Grandma increase her fish intake, either by eating more fish or fish oil capsules. Glucosamine chondroiton is also a great help. I have osteoarthritis in my knee, and they help me a lot.

    Thanks for the rating system on the videos. Now I can skip the namby-pamby "hell" and "asshole" videos, and go straight to the hardcore profanity!

    Rock on, Grandma!

  • At 5:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I use video games to avoid pain medication.

    Some day health insurance will have to cover rehabilitative game therapy.

    - Mama Lombax

  • At 6:10 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    You know, that's not the first time someone has recommended Glucosamine chondroiton; the only problem is finding it in an acceptably concentrate form (many of the supplements at stores have such a low percentage of actual active ingredients.) The rating system has an opposite use it seems; glad I could help :)

    Fuck yeah she's a fucking trooper! Fuck! I know I couldn't deal with some of the pain she's had to go through in the past months. I'd just quit and sit in bed all day. She's fucking great.

    It won't be too long; they already use video games for training and video games for education and in some cases, torture; so I don't see why they couldn't be helpful in rehabilitation. Keep gaming Mama!

  • At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You know, if you put up an Amazon Wish List of games for your grandma? It would be totally bought out in no time.

    I'd just like to also add, I'm not a gamer. I just enjoy old ladies cussin.

  • At 9:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your Grandma rocks , I am 67 and play FPS. My son hooked me on them about 7 years ago. Give em Hell Grand Ma

  • At 9:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Can you hook-up another MiniDV recorder to the video game outputs? It'd be nice to have a split-screen so that we can see what she's doing in the game along with her reactions.

  • At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What I meant is, you'd have to combine the two video feeds in post-production with an editing program.

  • At 10:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    tell the parents sending hate mail to maybe spend some more time with their kids and actually monitor the kids internet usage themselves! DAMN PEOPLE! I have two kids and i manage! Dont change a thing on this site just because of a few lazy parents, GAME ON!

  • At 12:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This is great....I haven't laughed so much at a website in a very long time. Your grandma is great. Keep up the good work

  • At 7:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    just wanted to say that i just went through and read all of the entries. your grandma is AMAZING! i can only dream that one day i will be as cool as your grammie when i reach her age. and as a former clevelander i wish i could visit oghc and watch play a game with her in person. ^_^

    ps. i found the link to the bog though girl_gamers @livejournal.com

  • At 7:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Game like you've never gamed b4 ! Gaming not only relieves aches by taking your mind off your pain, but has other useful purposes...like ... getting you out of doing chores that need to be done,housecleaning,shopping and other social activities ! It's a great stress-reducer in more ways than one. The one downside is you'll most likely get carpel tunnel in your hands (not knees) that will haunt you later on when you can't take off the cap from a beer! OUCH!! So what's worse...knee pains or hand/wrist pains ? or both ?!? :) HAVE FUN WHILE YOU CAN GRANNY ! YOU ONLY GO AROUND ONCE IN THIS CRAZY WORLD !

  • At 8:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The day you worry about what someone else thinks about you is the day you've lost your freedom. March to the beat of your own drum ! Kick ass granny !

  • At 8:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I play video games as much as I can. My husband but me (38 y/o mother of 4) a PS2 for Christmas when they first came out and I was ever so pleased.I have more games than my teenage son (15 y/o) and his friends think I am the coolest mother around. Fuck what they say, go on and do the damn thing Grandma.

  • At 8:47 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Thanks for the comments everybody! Grandma DOES read through these and on this thread especially she was in a very "right on!" sort of mood.

    I had to add to something the last anonymous poster said, about doctors and commission.

    The type of knee replacement Grandma had "installed" was made by DePuy Orthopaedics, Inc., a Johnson & Johnson Company. If you've ever been to a medical convention of any kind; one divides the sellers from the buyers very quickly by observing how much ass is kissed. Doctors are not stupid (well, most doctors are not stupid I should say) and they know how to make money. I have no doubt that the number of doctors able to perform surgery meeting the specific requirements per company of prosthetic is limited by both the doctors and the company to sustain profit. It's more complex than that, I know; but at the same time it influences a doctor's decision whether or not a knee replacement is the right option for a patient if it ensures his or her company loyalty is preserved.

    I agree with you folks.

    Fuck this guy.

  • At 8:50 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Ah! Another anonymous poster slipped in while I was typing that! :)

    Keep gaming "Coolest Mom in the Neighborhood!" It's lots of fun and earns the respect of your kids in a sincere and empathetic way. Thanks for the comment!!

  • At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Have you built this blogging site for getting donations for Grandma's knees? Or you are taking this opportunity to get money for your site's camera?

    Still I have no idea about what this is all about.

  • At 10:45 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    video game snake-

    No, we're not taking donations for Grandma's medical costs. She's retired, so her medical stuff is pretty well taken care of.

    We're taking donations for a new MiniDV camcorder to keep taping Grandma playing her games, because- well: Grandma rocks. She's not the best at games, but she's not bad either, and god damn she puts in a lot of effort.

    Scroll down to the first post at the bottom, or browse the archive; you'll see what we're talking about.

    Thanks for the comments everybody!!

  • At 11:26 AM, Blogger LuckyJ said…

    How great is this stuff! I was falling asleep at my desk till Grandma came into my life. Gotta love that woman!

  • At 1:53 PM, Blogger Emily said…


    I think your grandma is cool. I hope I am still playing games at her age. I'm 32, my boyfriend is 38, my daughter 12, and we all play final fantasy 11 together. LOL. We are all addicted to it. And it DOES help with pain, takes your attention away from the pain. I am the same way, I don't want to get dependant on pills. I hate taking them. At the moment I am in pain from a tooth ache, and I have been for the last few months. Went to a dentist to get it pulled, but they could not numb it enough to pull it. :( So keep playing grandma!!!

    p.s. All the parents who sent hate mail, just don't know how fun it is to play a video game.... so :P

  • At 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    my mom has a hurt back n she plays video games

  • At 3:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It doesnt matter how old you are ... play video games if you want to if thats what makes you happy ! Age plays no role whatsoever when you just want to get away from it all and kick back and relax. I personally love pc games because when I use a game controller like Xbox or PS2, it blows my fucking hands apart and I have to ice em down ! If anyone says to you "Anyone who still plays video games at your age is stil la child" , I say Fuck em all ! They just dont know how to have fun and worry about what everyone else thinks of them. AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS THE WORST IT CAN GET FOR YOU !

  • At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The Ironic Side of playing video games ...

    1. Your eyes go buggeyed after a few hours
    2. You've killed off 8 hours on a single session of power gaming
    3. Your ass cheeks become numb and you've compressed the cusion on your chair
    4. Your heart races and you sweat perfusely
    5. You've shut out the world while you are zoned out playing
    6. You dont answer phone calls and let the answering machine take complete control of the outside world trying to tear you away from gaming
    7. You have dreams about playing and can't wait to get back into it again at 2 in the morning
    8. You still play during a lighting storm and hope for the best
    9. You don't even stop to go to the bathroom as your back teeth float and you cross your legs
    ... and lastly ...

    10. You wonder why the wife took the kids and left you!

    Keep Rockin Granny ! We love ya !!

  • At 3:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why on gods green earth would I donate a penny to see an old lady swear...I have kids I can watch for free...

  • At 3:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    May It is Diablo 3 Items suggested Granny increase her fish absorption, sometimes by eating additional bass or omega-3 fatty acid pills. Plus chondroiton is also a excellent assist. I've got arthritis around my leg, and in addition Billig WoW Gold they help me a great deal.


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