Grandma's Secret Stash: Part II

Continuing on with the Secret Stash feature, we come to The Squaresoft, Square Enix, Namco bunch, Including the most beloved game of all time. Don't let the titles scare you, she's not just into RPG's, not at all. Check out the videos on the menu to the right if you haven't yet and you'll see what I mean. Even if you're not the RPG type, an epic masterpiece is very refreshing after kicking some ass in Twisted Metal or Need for Speed, and believe me when I tell you, those asses were kicked many times over by our 69 year old hero.




Here we go...
Final Fantasy X-2
SquareEnix
Brady Games / Dan Birlew

They knew what they were doing. They knew they had legions of FF fans out there that would buy anything with some cool artwork on the cover blessed with the Square stamp of goodness. And yet they did it anyway. You have to forgive them, though, they are the Square, The Alpha and the Omega if you will.

Most Grandma moment: "What the hell is this?? I have to change their 'outfits' for stuff?? [...] WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"






Xenosaga Episode II
Namco
Brady Games / David Cassady / Laura Parkinson

Personally, if I want to watch anime, I go do it. This game has a whole lot of cut scenes full with dialogue. And that takes awhile before you get back to the gameplay. I didn't get in to either of these, but Grandma can't get ENOUGH. Every god damn month it was "When are they gonna come out with the second one? How long has it been now? I still got the first one on a memory card so I have stuff for the second...."

Most Grandma moment: see above paragraph.







Final Fantasy X
Squaresoft
Brady Games / Dan Birlew

I remember Grandma and I calling the game store because we thought there would be a rush for this game. We were so excited they made FF for PS2, because if you look at all the rest of the series, more disks = more gameplay, and that's what she likes. This was on a motherfucking DVD, it had a whole shitload of space to work with, so I expected her to play this until the day Tom Cruise saves us from the aliens. She was done in less than a month, and it only took her that long because she was working at the same time.

Most Grandma moment: "Can you mute the voices on this? He sounds so fucking whiney."





Final Fantasy IX
Squaresoft
Brady Games / Dan Birlew

The easiest of all the Final Fantasy Series; dude's got a tail. What more can be said other than we actually liked Spirit Within when it came out after this, even though the whole movie was about god damn Ultima.

Most Grandma moment: "I wish I had to ...you know, level up or something to kill the bosses... what's the point?"










Final Fantasy Chronicles: FFIV / ChronoTrigger
Squaresoft
Brady Games Dan Birlew

I wasn't actually there when Grandma played these, I was "off at college" or some such thing. I know she played them both because she was impressed enough to keep the set.

Most Grandma moment: "Man..... ....this takes me back.












Final Fantasy VIII
Squaresoft
Brady Games / David Cassady

I remember Grandma and I getting a demo disk that included the trailer for this "up-and-coming" game. It just blew us away. The introduction cut scene with the ocean, and the flowers and the Gunblade and the guy..... holy shit, that was good. This game did not disappoint, Grandma definitely got into this one; enough to spend hours at a time on that Island "closest to hell" or whatever just maxing out characters she knew she wasn't even going to need for the final fight.

Most Grandma moment: "It's A DINOSAUR!! How do you beat THE DINOSAUR?? SHIT!!!! .....oh that was easy. You freeze him. [twelve hours later] THE DRAGON!!! HOW DO YOU BEAT THE DRAGON?????"




Final Fantasy VII
Squaresoft
Brady Games / David Cassady

This is Grandma's beaten up, dog-eared, slightly chewed copy of the FF7 Guide. It might as well be Dr. Jones leather bound, handwritten diary accounting the location of the Holy Grail. That location? Midgar, dude. Midgar.

Most Grandma moment: The day Aeris (or Aerith if you like) died, Grandma had to have a moment to herself. I had not gotten that far yet on my save and she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Oh, I found out all right.

And to answer a question posed on Ask Grandma Hardcore that didn't get answered yet, her favorite was Sephiroth. How's that for a cruel twist?




And that's it for Grandma's Secret Stash! If gaming was a touching yet deeply somber film, Grandma would be Morgan Freeman. If gaming was a sport (and it is to many people), Grandma would be LeBron Fucking James. A 69 year old cross-dressing James, of course; with a team that could actually back his ass up when he needs it. If gaming was like writing Romantic era prose, Grandma would be Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Why? 'Cause she doesn't take shit from anybody, including Wordsworth! Game on!

Keep sending the comments and e-mails; we love the e-mails, man! Don't be shy!

--More to come!!--

--Update: Be sure to look for Grandma mentioned on MTV Overdrive tonight after 9:00pm [EST] (She's on the MTV News Overnight Edition); MTV News interviewed Grandma and me for a segment, and I haven't seen the article or the bit so it might make us look like complete jackasses for all I know but go watch it, god dammit!

[Most of you know this all ready, but Firefox users (that includes me), to watch MTV Overdrive, you need to dust off Internet Explorer for a while. I know, I know.... it's okay. Microsoft made the XBox remember? Viacom brought us the Daily Show, right? They don't want to hurt you.]--