Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Grandma's Secret Stash

Grandma collects cookbooks. She has several drawers just full of cooking magazines and volumes of cullinary knowledge scribbled into thick, bound tomes that sit and collect dust. This is incredibly ironic seeing as we always have burgers, peirogies, sausage, pizza or tacos every week. She can, however kick out a badass desert without looking. The hunt was on for the perfect brownie...
While searching for said brownie recipe, I came across a drawer Grandma swore didn't exist:Grandma had a few pounds of strategy guides tucked away in her "cookbook bins."

Fuckin-A, man. Fucking A.

Now, knowing Grandma, that in itself isn't a big deal; I know she used strategy guides from time to time when stuck, but I assumed she would just trade them in with the games on her quarterly exodus to the gaming store of her choosing. Grandma was never a game packrat, she
had to trade in games she didn't play anymore so she could buy a copy of whatever her sights are set on. A few are left, FFVII, which she won't let anyone touch; Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker and Ocarina of Time, still with the sticky label from GameStop; but she moves on to the next thing when she gets bored. I didn't really expect to find this many strategy guides.
When I pointed them out to Grandma, she said cheerfully:
"Parasite Eve!! I loved that game! Is it the first one or the second one where you fight that god damned baby? I remember! That thing was a bitch to kill."

--Man, we're gonna have fun going through these... more later!!---


  • At 9:24 AM, Blogger Collin said…

    Awesome. I just found this site and I can already tell that I'm going to thoroughly enjoy pouring through the archive. Unlike your Grandma I'm a game pack-rat. After having repurchased the same game three times I've decided to really consider the merits of the game before letting it go. At least twice games I've traded turned into collector's items. Rez and Final Fantasy Tactics (although that was later rereleased). It must be fantastic to have a grandmother who games. I'm the oldest gamer in my family at 37, but I have kids who are gamers so there's a good chance I'll eventually be a gaming granddad.

  • At 10:19 AM, Anonymous LilyThorns said…

    Oh wow! I have to say I LOVE your Grandma! I just found out about your journal today through a message board at www.livejournal.com in a community called "Girl_Gamers".

    Wish her luck on Prince of Persia. I've not played them yet but I'm sure I'll be shouting "Climb up the fucking wall" numerous times as well.

    *is a game pack-rat*

  • At 10:51 AM, Anonymous Marina said…

    i just found your site, and i think its sooo awesome that you hang out with your grandma and that shes soooo amazing!!! you are lucky. Good luck with all the games and have tons of fun!

  • At 12:07 PM, Blogger Binsk said…

    Yes your grandam sounds very cool, and you are good at writing about her...so keep it up! :)

  • At 1:08 PM, Anonymous W.Rhodes said…

    I just encountered this site and I must say I am impressed (enough to feature you on my modblog: http://darksetyuna.modblog.com). Please tell your Grandma that I too am a Devil May Cry fanatic. I love yelling out the SUPERB AWESOME skill marks along with the game. Nobody fights like Dante.

    Great site, keep it up and keep that wonderful old woman healthy and happy.

  • At 2:08 PM, Anonymous jonathan bennett said…

    Yes, you are very good at writing in such a way that you show us her true genius.

    Have your grandma play the following game. She'll love it:


  • At 3:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    seriously, is this for real???

  • At 8:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I found this from a friend.

    I just gotta say.

    The world needs more fun people like this.



    P.S. Good luck on winning the game!!

  • At 9:50 PM, Blogger The Burnt Pizza said…

    i KNOW grandma. thats fucking sweet

  • At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Its really cool of ya gran ma to be the way she is, truthfully more should be that way. I just wanted to add that she has one of the ff7 stratgey guides that were published, the other "unoffical" one has a black cover and actually covers something things the offical one doesnt

  • At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Found this site through Kotaku.com - Grandma rocks!

  • At 2:56 PM, Anonymous Bondi said…

    wow, i thought my grandparents were cool. you should check out a few classics, like monkey island and moon stone - a hard days knight. i find them far more playable than most modern games.

  • At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I didn't start gaming until I was 51 years old when I bought myself a PS2 for my birthday. However, there is a huge difference between your Gandma and me -- I'm only 53 now so I've only been a gamer for two years. Undoubtedly, your Grandma could kick my ass on any multi-player.

    And I also yelled, "Run up the wall, asshole," at the Prince. Matter of fact, I'm still yelling it at him in PoP2.

  • At 8:20 AM, Anonymous The Bandit said…

    I am a game pack-rat. You lose your ass when you trade them in, so I just keep them. I only have a couple strategy guides, but I have kept every single gaming magazine I have ever owned since October 1997! It currently takes up a massive plastic tote and weighs at least 60 pounds.

    Keep up the good work Grandma!

  • At 12:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I too am a game pack rat. I usually use a site like Gamefaqs.com than an official strategy guide, but I have kept a few through the ages. And I love that she has a few books of recipes hanging around- I need to begin doing that once I get my own apartment in the next term of my school year

    --- NightMary

  • At 2:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    nanny shoes a number of Guild Wars 2 Gemssevere bumm from video games. i would anxiety a competition with her any day. to get a much easier gambling practical experience look at God of Struggle. much less silly fucking combinations (royalBuy Diablo 3 gold prince associated with persia) more fun to learn.


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