Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Grandma's Little "Habit"

There is a certain stigma that comes with being an elderly gamer. Those outside the gaming community sometimes see a 65 year old man playing flight simulators, or a pensioner hunting the neighborhood kids in a friendly deathmatch in the FPS of your choice, as eccentrics. No matter how lucid, how intelligent they may be, if they aren't playing chess or minesweeper, they are viewed to be reaching into a culture not designed for them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Marketing, now that's a different story, for another time maybe. Right now, I want to tell you about doctors.

Grandma loathes doctors.

Grandma hates doctors almost as much as she hates not being able to finish Fatal Frame.

Whenever she is honest when they inquire about her lifestyle (i.e., "So what do you do for fun? Gamble, smoke controlled substances, dismember transients, illegally download Madonna tunes, smoke controlled substances, eat red meat, what?") and she mentions gaming, they breathe the heavy sigh of a parent who discovers Little Billy doesn't know the birds from the bees and say... well, it usually goes like this:

Doctor Dipshit - "I hear your knee hurts a lot since the operation, and that you're an artist. So what else do you do besides painting?"

Grandma - "I play video games, mostly."

Doctor Dipshit - "You what?"

Grandma - "You know, PS2, XBox, GameCube, a little DS if I'm stuck somewhere..."

Doctor Dipshit - "What games do you play, exactly? Solitaire?"

Grandma - "Well, right now I'm playing Xenosaga II"

Doctor Dipshit - "And what is this.. Zebra Soccer Two, what kid of a game is it?"

Grandma - "It's a role playing game."

Doctor Dipshit - "Ah!"

Grandma - ".....yeah."

Doctor Dipshit - "So...... [long academic pause]....do you think that maybe this role playing game has made it so you cannot distinguish reality from fantasy? Are you playing a role right now? Does your Pokemon character's knee hurt? And perhaps maybe that's why your knee is hurting, that maybe it's all in your head?"

Grandma - "....."

Doctor Dipshit - "........"

Grandma - "How fucking stupid do you think I am?"

...Grandma's "habit" just happens to be gaming, but it's not hurting her. It keeps the old bag STRONG. What's going to make you more sharp, feeding the pigeons and doing word-search puzzles or mastering the Materia Junctioning concept? You decide.

--Coming soon: Grandma's Strategy Guide Collection Part I..., Video #3..., Thanks everybody! Keep on keepin' on with the e-mails and comments!--


  • At 12:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Okay, you need to put up a got-damned list of what this exceptional woman has played.

    Has she sampled that which is Metroid? I think her and Samus would get along just fine...

  • At 6:48 AM, Blogger Gabbahead said…

    Lol! Excellent! And I thought I was bad!

    Has she broken any hardware yet, though?

  • At 9:24 AM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    Ohhhh, I want your grandma to be my grandma too! My grandparents are all dead *insert pouty face* I can always dream.

    But seriously, I love this page!

  • At 9:25 AM, Blogger Don said…

    get her a wireless controller... she'd love it...

  • At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    as I said before... your grandma rocks. I'm downloading the videos now.

    As for saving webspace... try using yousendit.com
    You can upload the thing there, and then post the link for downloading on the blog. Lasts only seven days, but it works wonders. :)

  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger John said…

    Tell Grandma to

    ROCK THE FUCK ON!!!!!!

    I had a Hungarian grandma that loved the old Atari Pac Man when no one else did. When she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the doctor, which she too loathed, gave her a max of 4-5 months to live, she told him to get bent, and flushed her meds.

    ....and proceeded to kick up on Pac-Mans ass for another 6 years.


  • At 11:53 AM, Blogger KOM said…

    Found your URL through MSNBC. Great stuff! Does Grandma take game advice questions?

  • At 11:56 AM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    You know, it's actually a fair point that video games are keeping her sharp. Video games require focused attention. A lot of games have puzzles in them, which require logical thinking skills. And to some degree, all games require hand-eye co-ordination. Plus, they are fun. Games could benefit a lot of older people, because retirement can get boring unless one gets a hobby.

  • At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    doctores!!.. man they can be so helpful but in my experience as a IT manager they tend to think the know everything becuase they are good at one thing.

    Brinstar is right these games could even be helping her from getting Alzehemers (sp?) So Rock on Grandma see you when I'am 85.

  • At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hahaha, your grandma kicks ass! She is the sign of the future for senior citizens! XD This site should find its way onto G4 soon.

    You should have like an interview profile, as there are things I'm curious to know.

    1)Name? (perhaps just a first name, if she's wanting to keep a low profile)
    2)Age? (I know the saying 'A woman never tells' but I'm really curious to know how old she is.)
    3)Preferences? This can be broken down...
    a)Consoles or PC? Which Console is her favorite? Does she play hand helds at all?
    b)Which genres does she like/play most?
    4)Favorites? (Which games she tends to play over and over)

    Keep up the good work with the blog, I look forward to seeing more!


  • At 1:46 PM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    Here are a couple of articles that reference older gamers, and the benefits that retired gamers might derive from video games:




    The last one is just a general article on game demographics, not one specifically about pensioners or retirees.

  • At 3:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yeah .. .video games keep your mind sharp ,and hand eye coordination strong if anything . .

    props to gaming granny !

  • At 3:58 PM, Blogger fnm said…

    Dude your grandma rocks! I stumbled over here a few days ago and i can't get enough of her :)
    Rock on!

  • At 5:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i am glad your grandma is cool with you posting this stuff about her. keep up the great work with the site, and keep it rock'n grandma :)

  • At 8:23 PM, Blogger LazyVisionarie said…

    If I were 65 years old, I would marry your grandmother. That is just amazing

  • At 12:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    google has a beta video hosting service, it lasts till google dies, which will be when the world dies, only problem is if you start getting a lot of downloads they may start charging people to download

  • At 3:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Stupid doctors!

    However you should both keep ergonomics in mind. Not sure if she plays many twitch-based games but gripping controllers for extended periods of time, whatever the game, makes my agitated hands and wrists hurt.

    This article might help:


    We want to keep her playing for a long time. :-)

  • At 1:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Word up!

  • At 5:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Doctor Dipshit - "Ah!"

    You've offended every doctor WHO EVER LIVED....
    Could you be a bit more specific? *cackles*

  • At 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As a 54 year old woman, also from the Cleveland area, whose favorite activity is gaming, it feels great to find a kindred soul.

    Now just to get rid of this pesky work thing that requires me to earn a living.


    ~guild leader of Storms of Vengeance, Lucan D'Lere, EQ2

  • At 2:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sonnofabitch you made me laugh out loud.

  • At 10:42 AM, Anonymous Felix Lukas said…

    "Does your Pokemon character's knee hurt?"

    LMFAO! That's hilarious! xD

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