Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Why Social Security Should Buy Grandma an XBox 360...

It turns out it takes a very long while to actually get 100% in OG2; so until she gets a new game in the next week or so let me go over our current issue: which next-gen console does she reserve?

She really wants an XBox 360; and if she puts away $50 a week she'll get it by the time it comes out; but she also wants a PS3, because the game archive is so large; but she really wants a Nintendo Revolution; because she digs the idea of playing all the classic NES and SNES and N64 games at which she vehemetly cursed so long ago. Thing is, she's on social security, and she has health problems, so she has to map out her priorities.

So far we have several possibilities:

Halo 3 > GTA > Mario > Medication > Food

but...
FFXII > Madden 360 > Kirby > Nachos > Pain Pills

but...
Zelda > Xenosaga > Crimsom Skies > Percocet > Ramen Noodles

So you see our problem.

---Update: Grandma got Fazed!---
Rock on, man! To answer some comments and e-mails:

First- I will surely put up some pictures, but my hope is to also get some sound so you can get the full effect of this woman. I'll try some video, I just hope Case's network will host it for me.

Second- Nope, no donations, no pay-pal or any of that old thing (I'm not even putting up GoogleAds), I just want to share this woman with the public. Although, thanks for the thought. Grandma has always gotten each system, she's not poor, she rents like a banshee on crack; it's just a question of which one does she get first. I'm betting PS3 cause she's cuckoo for Squaresoft.

Third- Here's a message to the wee lad from Best-Buy who was kind enough to drop me a line: Fuck you and fuck the blue-shirted suggestive-sale based pay horse you rode in on. Games may be marketed for kids but many are made for everybody (hence the rating system.) If Grandma want to pump CJ up to maximum levels and go beat some digitized whores in her afternoon, she can if she wants. Rockstar games wouldn't have it any other way, my friend.

Fourth- Thanks! I know she's not the only gamer granny out there and its good to hear from the rest of yas. I'll keep updating for all'y'all.

-Timothy

9 Comments:

  • At 8:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You just made an Outlaw Golf Producer's day :D

     
  • At 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame

     
  • At 12:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Zelda should be irrelevant since the Cube game will be out soon which means it won't hit next-gen for a few years.

     
  • At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    If she just wants the ability to play old NES/SNES/N64 games, she can do that right now on her xbox. There are emulators and rom sites galore out there.

     
  • At 11:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    dude grandmas are like that trust me i kno,my friend's grandma is lie that,she will play game and like if she cant do sumting she will get them to do it, more elder ppl should play games because it lets them understand like you,i went on a 1 hour conversation with a grandma about FFX taling about the plot and went alittle like,"no becuase if sin is gona kill them whose gona stop it?" "no yuna sacrifices herself,it says it in the guide." "lemme see that god damn guide this isnt right." yea well eep that grandma going man and give her a shout out for me

     
  • At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Percocet Side Effects said…

    My name is Monica Stone and i would like to show you my personal experience with Percocet.

    I am 35 years old. Have been on Percocet for 7 days now. It did help the pain but the side effects weren't worth it. I'd rather have the pain.

    I have experienced some of these side effects-
    nausea, very itchy, racing heart, anxiety, flashing lights(almost hallucinogenic?), weird dreams, tiredness

    I hope this information will be useful to others,
    Monica Stone

     
  • At 2:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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  • At 1:53 AM, Blogger summerlijia said…

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  • At 12:44 AM, Blogger ada3martin said…

    Since I have studied this poems, I knowed that wirting a great poems is difficult. Also I think the Galaxy 3 cases techology is so important~

     

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