Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

The Cat Is Out Of The Proverbial Bag

Well, Grandma knows about the blog. I was worried what she'd say. My instincts told me she would say something on the line of "You told people what I said? TAKE THAT SHIT OFF!!!" But I had to tell her before I posted pictures (the ethics of posting pictures of someone online when they don't know about it should be pretty clear: don't do it.) But she took it extremely well.

In fact, she laughed her ass off.

She doesn't know what the big deal is. As I type this now, she's in the first stages of Prince of Persia, so I'll write about that later, but imagine your grandma, controller in hand, beating the living shit out of sand-based demons saying in a sincere voice "You know, I like this camera angle better than in Devil May Cry..." That's why she's special.

She loves your comments!! Especially the ones that say "there is no way this is real...", and "you assholes fell for a hoax." She doesn't have any smack to say to these folks, she just laughed. Really god damn hard.

...and then went back to her game in the calm, tranquil way that could only be Grandma"...asshole won't run up the wall...."

So let's take a look at what you see here...

A: An annoying talking bird that repeats what you say. Thank God it's batteries died long ago. Imagine what it had said. Just imagine.

B: Painting Grandma did a while back. Pretty.

C: Prince of Persia displayed on a 34" Sharp television via the component input (nice colors). Nothing special, but at least she doesn't have to squint playing games.

D: The computer on which I am typing this entry displaying this entry... It's like fucking M.C. Escher, man.

E: Old school Sony surround sound amp; plenty of watts, never turned off, hotter than your microwave.

F: Gamecube. Inside is recently rented "Tak 2: The Staff of Dreams," on a little break after the poor system nearly died trying to keep up with her infamous Resident Evil 4 addicition.

G: Playstion 2. Her second PS2 after the first one died sometime after the hundreth hour of Final Fantasy X.

H: Second XBox controller after the first one died of an "accident."

I: The XBox; thought it was safe after Outlaw Golf 2 was completed, now on the new fix: "Prince of Persia."

J: That's the top of happy ol', jolly ol' grandma's head.

I'll try to get some audio soon, and the way she's playing this game I think it won't be long. Coming soon: "Grandma Destroys Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time!!!!"

Thanks for the comments and e-mails!!


  • At 10:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    good job on the pictures man. i'm a big fan of oghc.

    and for the record, i'd hit it.

  • At 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Easily one of the coolest things I have read in a while.......i wouldn't be surprised if this was on the news in the not so distant future.....being that I discovered it via a mustang ethusiast message board. Mustangworld.com

    Awesome......just awesome....

  • At 4:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "H: Second XBox controller after the first one died of an "accident." "

    Absolutely awesome. That sounds like me, actually. I wanna be the gaming grandma someday. [I've got a bit of time before then, though, so I will just gaze at my role model from afar for now. And read and laugh.]

    I'm glad she's not upset about the blog. Keep up the good work!

  • At 4:37 PM, Blogger Mikey said…

    Rockin', most blogs are fairly disposable... this one looks like a keeper. Just so you know, you have at least two readers in merry old England!

  • At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your Grandma has the same desk I do.

  • At 4:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Great site! Grandma looks like she's having a blast!!

  • At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    damn! get her some wireless controllers already!

  • At 8:30 PM, Blogger Renae said…

    hahaha that's so gonna b me when im older XD hogging the ps...10!! LOL
    ur grandma rocks dude!

  • At 10:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    my grandma had that same damn bird

  • At 8:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have the same TV. Word.

  • At 3:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, you should keep the air entries from GC free of obstacles if you don't wanna buy a second GC as the other two systems.
    By the way, is someone there who doesn't hate that dog from Duck Hunt?
    Saludos desde EspaƱa

  • At 12:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OMFG...she's got the gamer face on... my mom is almost 60 and she plays the hell out of her gameboy. I'm scared to get her a console, last time we got one it was a snes and it stayed in her room the entire time... had to beg to play my game, and only could if I had finished my HW and killed any bosses she needed killed. (6th grade)

    And yes. That fucking baby was hard as hell to kill.

  • At 4:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why dont your gran move the telly round so its facing her? it would annoy me if I had to play at that angle.

  • At 11:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why dont your gran move the telly round so its facing her? it would annoy me if I had to play at that angle.

    --> because it's fake, that's why. who would play like that? no one. end of discussion.

  • At 7:11 PM, Blogger Michael said…

    Has she tried Xenogears yet? If she's not too picky about graphics I'm sure she'd love that.

    Does Grandma the Old Hardcore Gamer play Battlefield 2 at all? I run BF2 Combat, the Battlefield 2 Tour of Duty (it'll be in the CGW article coming out around the holidays). If she plays we'd love to have her guest command a battle. We've got another Vietnam Vet general we'd love to have her face off against. We could set the thing up sometime around christmas. Feel free to shoot me back on aim, coch4real if she's interested.

    -P.S. this blog is mad funny, keep the good stuff coming.

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