Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Monday, June 20, 2005

First Post

My friends encouraged me to start this blog to share my grandma with the world. Anyone who lives near us hearing her scream "Fucking Cocksucker Won't FUCKING DIE!!" at the television at very late hours knows she's something special. I'm her 22 year old grandson and I wouldn't trade her for the world- for many reasons; but one stands out.

My Grandma plays video games. Wait- no, that doesn't do it justice: Grandma is fucking hardcore. She has a decent size TV in her room with surround sound, Digital Cable (through she never watches), GameCube, XBox, Playstation 2, SNES, and Genesis (with the 32X if you can believe that). It's not just that she plays, anyone can go through the motions of a walkthrough of a console game if they plug at it enough, she's good. She plays anywhere from 12 to 16 hours a day for RPG (Final Fantasy Series, Xenosaga, Zelda Series, Ico, etc.,.); 10 to 12 hours if she's on a sports fix (Outlaw Golf is particularly a favorite at the moment); and she gets kicks from destroying guests at the Multiplayer of your choice while serving them the indignity of simultaneously providing delicious cookies.

She's had two knee replacements and countless surgeries. If you were to see her in a grocery store you would see a old, Midwestern diabetic with thick glasses held up by a crutch or a shopping cart stumbling along smiling at everybody. She's polite, a safe driver, mother of five and grandmother of twelve. She's great. But if you get her in front of a game she likes, she becomes a monster; a demon who craves the blood, nay- the life-force of her enemies manifested as a swear happy old lady in a comfy chair. She has destroyed many controllers in frustration, already wore out two PS2's, and will gladly walk into a Gamestop or EB Games with the swagger of one with more knowledge about games and gaming than the teenager behind the counter can ever hope to amass.

This blog will be a chronicle to my experiences with this fascinating woman. I will update will new stories as well as memories of past campaigns. Welcome to OGHC.


  • At 4:09 AM, Anonymous Anuj said…

    You know, this is sweet with amazing potential.

    I think you could amass some serious readers if you moved to something beyond just a blog.

    Talk to me sometime if you want.

    AIM: AnujSuper9
    e-mail: agrawal.22@osu.edu

  • At 9:19 AM, Anonymous Lindsey said…

    Wow... this is great. I seriously hope I can be just like her when I'm older.

    I'll never forget the time when I just started getting good at Halo. Up to that point, I had been quiet and really concentrating while I played with my guy friends. Then I suddenly burst out with "Yeah, take that and eat it, cocksucker!" Heads turned and gameplay ceased... for about 4.3 seconds. And thus begins my journey into rather extensive Halo vocabulary.

    "nay, the life-force..." Hehe... man, that's classic.

  • At 2:51 PM, Anonymous MournBlade said…

    Just read your blog, I find it interesting. If your grandmother ever gets into PC gaming there are several clans that cater to mature players. It always feels better teaming up with your peers than with a bunch of "kids". I'm sure the Old Men Online, Geezers, Old Farts Clan, and Old Timers Clan™ would take a keen intrest in your grandmothers skills.

    Old Timers Clan™

  • At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your grandma fucking rocks. My grandma just makes croche toilet paper covers in her spare time.

  • At 6:30 PM, Anonymous Marian said…

    I'm dying reading this blog. I love your grandma. I want her to be MY grandma.

    I'm 33, and a woman gamer much like your grandma. The ever steady stream of profanity that flows from my lips is pretty similar to your Grandma's.

    Don't let her near any MMOs. The addiction would be too much, though frankly I would have loved to team up with Grandma on voice chat as we schooled the bnet kiddies in WoW PVP. Mwhaha.

    I plan to post an entry on my blog tomorrow about your Grandma. There's also a gaming board she might like to check out Lanys.net (though she's probably too busy gaming to want to post). There's discussion of console games in the 'other games' sections.

    Grandma makes me want to pick up Outlaw Golf now. If she ever starts adopting gamers, let me know, I want to be first in line. :)

  • At 7:41 AM, Anonymous Heiko said…

    Your grandma is excellent, I hope all gamers end up like her.
    Now I have to read this blog from the start.


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