I'm Jonesing, Man

Well, I decided to quit smoking this week and now I pretty much hate everyone. Seriously, I have no idea how to deal with this shit. I'm not even quitting because of health reasons or because of the evils of the tobacco industry or because truth.com has convinced me of the error of my ways. I'm quitting because it's too goddamn expensive. So there you go, you nonsmoking health-nazi nanny government fascist fucks. You've WON.

When Grandma and I have heard the gaming news of the week, my reactions have become amplified like some paranoid cokehead reading the national security summary on terrorism. Grandma's response has been consistently "...meh." It's not my fault I'm freaking out over every stupid thing. I am denied the nicotine necessary to function as a rational human being.

For instance: the moment the Resident Evil 5 trailer found its way to the PSN network, she downloaded it to her PS3. It was beautiful. Still, while watching it I (and I'm sure a bunch of other people) had one of those "aw shit" moments that revealed itself today in the form of someone's small blog post that consisted of merely:

The new Resident Evil video game depicts a white man in what appears to be Africa killing Black people. The Black people are supposed to be zombies and the white man’s job is to destroy them and save humanity. “I have a job to do and I’m gonna see it through.”

This is problematic on so many levels, including the depiction of Black people as inhuman savages, the killing of Black people by a white man in military clothing, and the fact that this video game is marketed to children and young adults. Start them young… fearing, hating, and destroying Black people.

Well, that little post ignited a huge shit storm that reached all the major gaming sites and forums. Well my reaction was entirely different from Grandma's.

Me - "HOLY SHIT! I fucking KNEW this was going to happen. She's got a point, too; I mean they basically SAID the game was going to be like a scene from Black Hawk Down and THAT fucking movie wasn't exactly racially sensitive either. But it looks so goddamn cool and we were soooo close and now it's going to create this big deal when Capcom didn't mean it to be that way, but fucking look at the trailer- it IS that way. FUCK!! Everything is going WRONG, man."

Picture an ugly person with long hair saying that really fast while pacing around a tiny room, and that's pretty much how it went down.

Grandma on the other hand...

Grandma - "You know, I really didn't even think about it the first time I watched it. It was just Chris and some zombies. It never even occurred to me that they were all black. I guess I could see how someone might think the trailer is racist, but it's just zombies. No one meant anything by it. RE4 was fucking Spain, this is just another location. Oh well. It does look cool as hell though, doesn't it?"

Meanwhile, Grandma is primarily playing Overlord, which she seems to really dig. The camera controls were a bit difficult for her to get used to, but 12 hours into the game she's speeding right along. If you haven't checked it out yet, it's kind of an Oblivion meets Lemmings RPG/RTS where you play an evil dude who controls a bunch of happy little evil minions who just love to do evil shit for you. The humor is in line with Conker, Destroy All Humans and the like, so naturally Grandma and I both find it to be hilarious.

For some reason I laughed incredibly hard the first time a minion came up to Grandma's character to deliver some sort of something he had found somewhere and says in the cute little evil minion voice "for YOUUUUU! ♥" Then again, I'm allowed to be crazy. My heads all fucked up from the lack of ciggies.

Hence the absence of a Sunday post. That was Day 1. When you go from a pack a day to practically none a day, every tiny frustration in a video game sets you off in a Hulk like rage. It's probably best if I just watch Grandma play for awhile instead of also playing a game myself.

Are your hands supposed to shake?

Game on!