Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Grandma Needs Your Input, God Dammit! (T-Shirts)

Of the all the e-mails we get each week, there are always ten of you who ask "Where are the t-shirts? I want a t-shirt. Give me my t-shirt." You guys were nice enough to point out the CafePress.com offers a service in which we can have a tiny markup on the production cost so as not to disrupt our obsession with not making money off of the back of Grandma's gaming turmoil.

We have a few artwork ideas, but Grandma really doesn't like any of them, and let's face it- it's her image; so I don't want to fuck this up. It has to be done delicately. She's perfectly fine with vulgarity and using her picture in any number of stylized ways, but we need your help.

We need ideas, and if you're willing- submit some artwork.

We'd like to have the blog address somewhere on the shirt, but it doesn't have to be huge- we don't want an army of walking promotion, we just want something cool to offer you guys.

What do you think?


Okay! You guys have some great ideas, and the artwork you're sending us is fantastic. I'm going to give you photoshop masters some source pictures later this week, hopefully Wednesday so we can all see your take on Grandma. I'll put up the "best of" artwork that's been submitted, and some of the template restrictions that CafePress provides so we know with what we're dealing. I'll also show you some of the text-only proposals come into fruition- and if you greenlight those we'll start up a store right away for yas.

You are correct in saying we should have three classes of Grandma based attire- one being a "FUCKING BITCH COCK MARIO ASSHOLE" class. The uncensored content will enable the shirt to be adorned for your favorite weekend punk performance, or everyday if you work in a tattoo parlor; under your BDU's if you happen to hold a Geneva Convention Identification Card, or if that's just the sort of shirt you wear anyway- we don't judge. The second class is safe for work, school, church, and job interviews at Six Flags; no swearing, a dubious "OGHC" in place of our more multi-layered title "Old Grandma Hardcore." The third is in the middle- just so you can turn some heads with a "...huh" reaction instead of the inevitable "follow that one; I think they're going to take something..."

It's all up to you. We just want to give some choices. There is more coming this week about this, so ...brainstorm amongst yourselves. Use this thread if you need until we open another. Thanks for the advice everybody!


  • At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'd say black shirts with perhaps one of Grandma's best-known quotes or some such on the front, and "oghc" and the web address on the back, in pink... just like the videos.

  • At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What about a stylized "Che Guevera" style pose with a angry grandma face holding up the controller with the quote underneathe: "They Shot My Box!"

  • At 8:53 PM, Anonymous Roger said…

    A picture of grandma with a quote on top: "Asshole won't run up the wall! FUCK!"

    I'd buy it. :)

    Will there be hoodies? I want a grandma hoodie! Give me my hoodie!

    -and a bumpersticker. To go, please :)

  • At 9:01 PM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    I agree with the first commenter. "OGHC" in a nice, modern font somewhere on the shirt, a quote, and then the website address somewhere.

    Oh, and not white, or at least have an option for non-white shirts. They get dirty easily...

    And girl size shirts, too? Please?

  • At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    is there only going to be one design, or can we choose from a couple? I like the viva la grandma one, for a hoodie, but the simple oghc thing would be nice for a babydoll. just a thought.

  • At 10:04 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    I'm liking this thread so far :)

    Yes, anonymous we'll have a few different options from our winning choices- but it will take awhile to compile all of them (already got a couple pictures sent in. One was of a penis. It was just a giant penis with the words "Old Grandma Hardcore will make you suck this in God of War. OGHC.blogspot.com" I don't know if Cory Barlog, David Jaffe, Max Ancar and the rest of the crew at Sony would like that very much :) They dig grandma, but I don't think they would like to be associated with penises.

    If you have ideas, post them here for me; if you have artwork- send it to t_stehilaire [at] yahoo [dot] com with the subject "OGHC T-Shirt Artwork."

    Thanks guys! Keep wid' the ideas!

  • At 10:43 PM, Blogger elgato said…

    Black with OGHC in white, with My Grandma can whip your ass on back

  • At 10:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think that grandmaw need's a new pair of glasses.
    What are you thinking?
    Have you picked up the Bible, what part of Do not take the Lord's name in vain do you not Understand.
    Something that I would tell a lot of people not to buy.

  • At 10:45 PM, Anonymous m said…

    have you seen those t-shirts with the phrase "i can kick your ass at halo 2?" what about a play on that with "grandma can kick your ass at halo 2?"

    whatever you guys decide on, i know i'll be first in line to buy a black hoodie with OGHC in the back in big pink letters.

    Go Hardcore
    Go Grandma!

  • At 10:49 PM, Blogger elgato said…

    I would buy four,anonymous!

  • At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Grandma can kick your ass at halo 2

    pick of her playing

    what about your grandma,
    abd the http://www..........


  • At 12:57 AM, Anonymous Blue said…

    First, I echo brinstar - GIRL SHIRTS FTW.

    Second! Multi designs, I think - Cafepress lets you have about a gazillion stores FO FREEEE so that ought not to be a problem. Other stores, I think, would be happy to offer multiple designs, too.

    My votes?
    * Che Guevara-style "THEY SHOT MY BOX!"
    * black, same font as videos - Front "OGHC forever," Back - "game on!" & url
    * maybe something with profanity to soothe those who want the word "FUCK!" on a tshirt real big (me, I can't wear that, ANYWHERE, for fear that even at home another ninja with a grudge against me and my clan would take a picture of me in it and send it to my mom, and oh man, would I never hear the end of it THEN)
    * multicolor, controller image - text "Grandma Will PWN You" - back, URL

    That's my $0.02 - and if you can, get ringer tees? I have an unnatural love for ringer tees. Gleeeeee!

    Many hugs to you both, and we here in Readerland eagerly await wonderful shirt-ed-ness. Take care and game on!


  • At 4:01 AM, Anonymous Ross said…

    I'd be happy to put something together, but there’s not a whole lot of source material, and I can't seem to take screen grabs in Windows Media Player. Could you set up a couple of headshots of OGHC, so we can make her the revolutionary hero we all know her to be?


  • At 5:42 AM, Blogger Master Yoshi said…

    Ares, you're FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!!!

  • At 6:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm with everyone in voting for a Che Guevara type thing...I also vote for the "he won't run up the wall...fuck" shirt. Can;t wait for my grandma tee!!
    P.S. Does grandma ever talk in Poker? I bought the game and an xbox live acct. just to play with her and haven't heard a peep. Game on!

  • At 8:19 AM, Anonymous Stephanie said…

    I LOVE the Che Guevara thing! That's great. I'd have a major design on the front and then on the back say "Game On!" then right below that have the web address.

    There are sooo many "grandma-isms" that you could use any one of those or all of them. I'd buy more than one for sure. I'd buy a hoodie too. I'm little. I get cold!

  • At 8:22 AM, Blogger Leci said…

    I want a black hoodie. >>; Just to be emo. :)

    I kinda like what everyone else is saying... I wanted a different quote though. xDD

    "AHAHAHA. I have to throw TOILET PAPER at the SHIT monster."

    I have that as an Away Message on AIM, with a link to your site.

    But yeah. I think a plain shirt with a quote or something, and the URL/Logo on the back would be awesome.

    The only bad thing is, is that I can't wear any shirt with a curse word on it to school. o.x;

  • At 8:34 AM, Anonymous zelda18 said…

    Great Idea! Love the black! I think you might have to curtail the language, still get the point across, depending where you want to wear it.
    Go Grandma!!

  • At 10:33 AM, Blogger Mark Hale said…

    Jesus fucking Christ, please no more Che Guevara parody shirts. It's bad enough the guy was a goddamn psycho; the "parodies" just aren't funny anymore.

  • At 10:36 AM, Blogger Mark Hale said…

    Oh, well, how about a nice caricature drawing of Grandma beating the shit out of a monster made out of video game consoles?

  • At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What Ross said.
    I'd be happy to work up some art but need some pics.

    However I would also be happy with a shirt that just said OGHC - Game On! With a list of all the games she has played and beaten into submission so far.

    Profanity is fun and all but I wouldn't be able to wear it anywhere. In fact just a shirt saying Old Grandma Hardcore could get me in plenty of trouble. I sometimes wear a shirt from a band called Sexmob and thats enough to set toungues wagging in my small liberal college town.

    Mama Lombax

  • At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh yeah and the URL should be nice and big.

    I want everyone to know the goodness that is OGHC.

    Mama Lombax

  • At 8:20 AM, Blogger Master Yoshi said…

    Fuck all this wussy SHEEIT!!! The cursing is part of who Grandma is! I wouldn't buy a shirt with Grandma on it if it didn't have some of her actual dialogue on it!

  • At 8:06 PM, Blogger jerrypens said…

    grndma wearing 60's marine issue flak jacket with joker's helmet "full metal jacket",born to kill , other side fuck peace,holding m 16 loosely,burnt cigar in mouth,revealing advetisment under flak jacket printed on t-shirt,knee high skirt,granny stockings falling down onto her marine issue boots ,laces untied.inside ballon next to her head JerryPens Rock's!

  • At 5:55 AM, Anonymous hXc Matty said…

    So, I read this, and I decided to work on a design. I need to do a bit more work on it, the lines are fucked up, but here it is.


    And with a black background


    If you guys want, I could do a design or something. I do this stuff with my spare time, so just send me a message on my myspace (link included under web page thing.)

  • At 5:57 AM, Anonymous hxc matty said…

    Shit, did that wrong.
    This one has the correct link for my myspace.

  • At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can't wait to find the first site dedicated only to whipping the shit out of my gramma. She means so much to me and every waking morning my first thought is to whip the living shit out of her. Please respond

  • At 1:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The stylized Diablo 3 Gold"Che Guevera" fashion pose that has a irritated grandma experience holding up the actual controlled with all the quote underneathe: "TheGW2 Gold kaufen Chance Our Pack!In .


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