Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Electronic Gaming Monthly names Grandma "Gamer of The Year" for 2005!!

Electronic Gaming Monthly spoke with Grandma in early January, and to be honest the two of us weren't exactly sure what sort of article would come from the interview until recently. February brought with it frequent trips to Borders; eyeing the gaming mag section with a shifty gaze in all directions, searching for the trademark emo-glasses and dangling employee badges as she decided if it would be worth the risk to carefully extract the magazine from it's protective jacket to see if she was inside.

Her subscription to EGM provides a teasing frustration; her copy usually arrives in our mailbox a couple weeks after it's initial availability at the local racks. To be completely honest, she was probably more excited about the cover story of this month's issue than she was for the recognition.

What can I say, she's a Square-Enix fan!

Once you make your way to Page 89, the first thing you see is a big ol' tribute to one of our favorite people: David Jaffe, who won the award for Developer of the Year. Congratulations, David! You deserve it you God of War making, VGA winning, George Clooney of DICE crazy motherfucker, you! Congress is proud of you. The AMERICAN PEOPLE are proud of you. GRANDMA is proud of you. Now go make more games. You've had your fun; GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK.

This image is insanely surreal to Grandma. Imagine that first time back in the 80's when you wrote Nintendo Power and drew a crayon picture of Link smoting a stamp on the envelope only to find three months later they have PUBLISHED it for all to see; only this is so much better. It has all the important elements that qualify it as "awesome:"

1) Grandma looking all snazzy in her Sega "Gamer" shirt, a gift from MTV.

2) She's holding a 360 controller.

3) Stacks and stacks of games surround her not unlike the columns of golden coin resting on the desk of Scrooge McDuck.

4) Electronic Fucking Gaming Fucking Monthly!! FUCK!

5) I've always liked the number 89.

The article is a bit dated, as it still portrays Grandma as pining for an XBox 360. When Crispen interviewed her, she was overlooking all of Manhattan in a conference room in the Viacom Building. 15 minutes later she was a single floor above Time's Square on the set of TRL meeting her XBox 360 for the very first time in a touching ritual of interpretive dance that involved much jumping and hugging. Other than that, when you turn the page, you have to stare at Jack Thompson yet again. Grandma is having some sort of bad luck where Thompson's name is mentioned soon after her own in the press.

That's alright. If you thought that was impressive, check out yesterday's article in Cleveland's "The Plain Dealer":

Game on.


  • At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I found another mention of Grandma! It is at this blog, http://www.chipchick.com/2006/02/70_year_old_gra.html. All this publicity is awesome! I love what Grandma is doing for gamers, females especially. It is nice to finally go into a video game store and not have the ENTIRE STORE stop what they are doing to stare at me. It's like, "Welcome to the new millennium, asshole. Yes, girls like to game, too."

    Thanks for just being yourself, Grandma.

    Game on!
    Katie Lynette

  • At 1:06 PM, Blogger Brinstar said…

    Congratulations on being gamer of the year!

  • At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    j00 r0xx0r gr4n !

  • At 6:49 PM, Blogger DY357LX said…

    Brilliance as per the usual.

  • At 8:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tim. I'm disappointed in you.

    Holding out on us about the Mantua Potato Festival?

    *clucks her tongue*

    What else are you holding out on?

  • At 12:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    AWWWWWWWWWW SO AWESOME. Cartoon SO COOL. Framing required.

    ::huge hugs:: SO PROUD OF YOU GUYS. So happy to just be here and posting and so on. I'm out of words.


    Take care, be well, GAME ON!!


  • At 1:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Fantastic! For those of us who live in areas where EGM is not released, can you give us some excerpts of the article? And I love the cover too.

    By the way, I've made a scientific discovery. Grandma is good luck. Yes she is. See, this morning I trailed downstairs only to be informed by my mum that I had a letter.
    MUM: It's from America.
    ME: Huh? *looks at envelope, sees the return address and the name "Barbara St Hilaire"* Oh my God! I've gotten a letter from OGHC! *reads letter avidly* Yay! *dances around*
    MUM: ...Well, that sure put you in a good mood! *seems to be pleased I hadn't ordered something small yet expensive via EBay or some such horror*

    Later today, I went into EB Games to ask them if they had a release date for Project Zero 3 (Fatal Frame 3) yet... and the guy looked and said it was officially released tomorrow! He looked relieved too - I've been asking for so long that as soon as I approach the desk, they start looking on the computer before I can even ask the question!

    So Grandma, not only did you really make my day today with your letter, you've brought me good luck for tomorrow! Thank you thank you thank you!

    Love Jenny (blackroseowl)

  • At 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    NKOSIRJR: Almost sounds like Krooked K is putting forth a challenge to Grandma...

  • At 6:57 AM, Blogger Butchie said…

    Finally! The chains of oppression have been broken! UH...I'm thinking that girl gamers, that are feeling uncomfortable in electronics stores, are not the victims of predjudice...but victims of lurid, basement dwelling, albino, male lust stares. Just a thought, fuckers.

  • At 10:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Grandma a Square Enix fan?

    OH YEAH!!!

  • At 3:27 PM, Blogger Collin said…

    It seems like all I do lately is send you links. All the same, here's one more for you: http://my.1up.com/do/blogEntry?bId=6602039&publicUserId=5713859

    According to WGN, "video games are the new crack cocaine".

  • At 5:18 PM, Blogger Zodiak said…

    I'm sure Jack Thompson will start to ban all grandmas from playing games...God I hate that annoying creature.

    Anywho, that is an awesome cartoon and I cannot wait any longer for KH2 to come out. =)

  • At 11:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i saw it in my issue when i read it, i was wondering when you guys were going to mention her being in there. ^_^

    and aww the Plain Dealer, i miss reading that paper. I'll be in Cleveland for a few days next week and it'll be so nice to be back on my home turf.

  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger Gus said…

    Great blog you have going on. I made sure to post a pic and link to your blog on mine to inform the 2 or so readers that grandmas are out there keeping it real too. Man video games are great. I'm going home to play some more Full Auto...

  • At 4:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


  • At 2:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Cool Grandma!

  • At 2:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Man,youre luky to have such Grany!

  • At 11:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    If your grandma is getting a magazine subscription after it is released in stores, that is a problem. I had a magazine that was getting to me after it was in the store, and after I called them and told someone about it, the magazine started arriving before it was in the stores.

  • At 3:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Game on, Grandma!! I love you!!

  • At 6:12 AM, Anonymous Tai Chi uniform said…

  • At 2:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Fantastic! For those of us who reside in cheap D3 items places where EGM will not be introduced, are you able to impart us with a number of excerpts informed? And I Cheap GW2 Gold appreciate the duvet way too.


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