Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Crazy Grandma: Requiem For An RPG

Lately Grandma has focused on the slash and dash adventure kill shit platformer genre, as evident in Prince of Persia, God of War, Conker Live and Reloaded, Psychonauts, etc.,.. As she played Indigo Prophecy, it didn't scream "use your goddamn head!" enough for her to refer to it in conversation as an RPG. Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem is most likely to be followed by The Suffering: Ties that Bind, then Beyond Good and Evil then Sly Cooper 3, respectively.

Let's face it, she's jonesing for some Role Playing; which is why she was disappointed to see that Lunar Dragon Song is coming only for the DS, and that little Nintendo gadget just isn't Grandma Compatible(tm). "Too damn SMALL," she says. She wants to form a party, she wants there to be at least one mage, she wants HP and MP and she wants two-dimensional art panels depicting her characters to pop up with inappropriately emotional dialogue boxes. She wants to play a flute. She wants to meet someone named Cid somewhere in the game. It's just not going to happen for a while.

Here, read this review of EDSR from GameCola.net...

Okay, notice the part about "hierarchies" and "spells?" Grandma is trying really hard to project her RPG desires onto this game.

Grandma: "So it's sort of like an elemental attack; you have to figure out different creature's weaknesses and try to exploit that with the ability to enchant your weapon. At the beginning, when you're ...well you're Roman I guess; you have the choice of three different artifacts that affect the rest of the game, it's like... choosing your strength. They were right, it's like... Rock-Paper-Scissors. I'm the paper I guess... I chose BLUE."

Everyday the internet and magazines tell Grandma that March is soon on its way, and that Zelda and Final Fantasy will once again make us forget to feed the children and pets and make- nay, force us to cough weakly into telephones connected to the ears of our employers for there is leveling up to be done. November comes first, as you standard calendar aficionados will notice, and King Kong and Stubbs The Zombie and others will be treats on an otherwise unwavering RPGless vector.

Only time will tell.


  • At 12:23 PM, Blogger HandOverFist said…

    If you beat the game with all three colors, you get a special surprise! Yay!

  • At 7:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I could see how playing one sort of game too much can get tiring. I have the same problem with FPS shooters right now. There isn't really anything I like yet; and I finished Geist which was sort of a disappointment (don't get Grandma Geist, it sucked the big one.)

    Hey from Ireland, Grandma!

  • At 3:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hear that. Mi husbandito and I were just sighing this evening about how we miss playing Final Fantasy X - the last in our line of "spouse RPGs," where we'd pick an RPG like Breath of Fire IV and only play it together, trading back and forth, usually during dinner at the end of a long day. I think it's time to bring out Xenosaga: Episode I and give that a shot...

    As for RECENT RPGs, hm... are we talking definitely turn-based, or something more of a real-time flavor? Myself, I cotton more to turn-based (I like the time to strategize), but if that's not an issue, I hear Radiata Stories is definitely worth picking up. Hopefully that will go a ways to sating Grandma's RPG cravings... and in the meantime, I will keep an eagle eye out for some other good RPG console goodness. Ah yes - there is also Grafitti Kingdom, where you can make your own party members (yes, MAKE, and it sounds pretty nifty, too - worth a shot, at least), and which I am inclined to take a look at eventually.

    Anyhow - I'm there with you bemoaning the lack of good RPGs recently, especially Lunar as a DS-only release (also, apparently it's not very good - what a kick in the junk!). But ah! Also, Dragon Quest VIII is coming out in a few months... with a demo of Final Fantasy XII with it, for good measure! Now THAT, I think, is a hell of a deal. ::grin::

    Be good, and GAME ON!


  • At 3:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The coming months aren't too RPGless - I noticed you didn't mention Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. Any interest from OGHC in playing that one? I know it's on my list...

  • At 5:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Lunar Dragon Song is nothing to write home about. It's a competent game, but not Lunar quality in the slightest. Running takes away hit points and you can't individually target enemies. For basic role playing Grandma can't go wrong with Tales of Symphonia or Skies of Arcadia, if she hasn't tried them yet. Both are for Gamecube.

    It's not the best game, but Bard's Tale for PS2 has its moments, and is an interesting RPG.

    Otherwise just wait for Dragon Quest / Warrior VIII next month.

  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    She is looking at Fire Emblem and Radiata Stories, she's talked about them; the store didn't have Radiata when we went game shopping, just adding to the wait.

    She may end up just popping Final Fantasy VIII in again; you can't go wrong with SeeD.

    She heard the same thing about Lunar Dragon Song, but she's convinced it would have been much better on a console :)

  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger W.Churchill said…

    This blog, is one the great!

  • At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey is Grandma interested in MMORPGs at all? Because I'd love to have such a hardcore gamer in my group.

    I'm playing KalOnline at the moment, a free MMORPG from Korea. There are not many English FAQs but that adds to the challenge :D.

    It's basically combat based, no real storyline. You fight, kill, and then sell your drops. It has an awesome party system, where mages heal, speed you up, and revive the dead. There's other classes too but I can only speak from a mage's point of view.

    Anyway, if she ever gives it a go tell her to add Etabetapii (case sensitive) to her friends list!

  • At 3:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Has she ever considered RPG Maker? The most recent release (RPGM3 on PS2) is still yet to have lots of really good games out, but the older RPGM's (Particularly RPGM1 on PS1 and RPGMXP on PC) have lots of content out there. You can find quite a few games for RPGM1, as well as a few games for RPGM2, at www.pavilionboards.com, which should also have a substantial number of RPGM3 games available within the next few months.

    For the console games you need some peripherals to download the games onto your memory card, either the DexDrive for PS1 games, or the Sharkport, X-port, or Max Drive for PS2 games. The PC RPGM games, however, shouldn't require any special hardware or software.

    I've actually considered making a game based on OGHC's exploits using one of these programs.

  • At 3:48 PM, Blogger Collin said…

    Blue, as I recall, was a good choice. I think it's the middle in difficulty, with green being easiest. When I first played I chose red. Damn, that was hard.

  • At 12:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Every consider The Ark of Napishtim? It's a hack and slash meets RPG, but if Grannie wants none of that, Radiata Stories and DQ 8 are games to put at the top of her list.

    Check out the cute little slime controller that comes with DQ8 preorders.

  • At 4:15 AM, Anonymous World Of Warcraft Gold said…

    The coming weeks aren't as well RPGless - I observed you didn't mention Fire Emblem: trail of Radiance. Any curiosity from OGHC in actively playing that one? i am aware it's on my list...
    Cheap WOW Gold

  • At 3:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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    D3 Gold in one kind of sport an excessive amount of can get tedious. I have a similar trouble with FPS photographers right now. There isnrrrt genuinely nearly anything I like nevertheless; and that i done Geist whichGW2 gold was kind of a frustration (don't get Granny Geist, it taken the big one particular.)


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