Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Grandma's Game Hunting: We Love Katamari

It's difficult to make a judgment to a game that proclaims exactly how much we admire the series in the title, even before we play it. And yet, it's true- we do love the original Katamari Damacy.

The reply value is phenomenal. It isn't difficult to understand the game's popularity, and its rigid caste-system of lower class Katamari fans followed by a thick gradient up to the upper-class Katamari worshipers just adds to the fun. After one has mastered the levels enough to get 100% in each category, Eternal Mode in all missions that allow, and every present without bugging every last person in the house to disclose the location of the infamous "camera," there's still a lot to do in the game.

Specifically: drinking games.

In college, one must play drinking games to prove to your betters that you are indeed "a team player," and what better way to do it than Katamari Damacy? Grandma scoffs at the idea, telling me that "getting sick" over playing a game is "fucking stupid," like she's one to talk, having played through colds, flu epidemics, and cardiovascular episodes in the hospital like nothing could come between her and her baby. Grandma reminds me of a mama bear in this sense; and yes: she will rip your god damn face off.

Before we get started I'd like to point out that the ESRB has rated this game "T" for Fantasy Violence, so if you're scared; it's okay. We'll take good care of you.

"The Dance of Katamari" is a particular favorite among undergraduates here in The States. To play, one must have:

1 Playstation 2 game system
1 copy of Namco's Katamari Damacy
1 controller
2 24 packs of the beer of your choice (or three kegs, whichever you prefer)
Friends (preferably more than 3)

Each person is assigned a beverage, including the one playing adding an element of panic. It's best to identify and choose your "worst" Katamari roller to begin the game. Try to use a new file if possible, and go through the introductory guide quickly to familiarize newbies and get to Make A Star #2.

Nobody drink a god damn thing until I say, okay? It's about SAFETY people!

Every time they roll over something that's alive, everyone else takes a drink. Every time the person rolling gets hit by something alive and bounces around, THEY take a drink. If you can't make the designated time for each star (take turns, now- it's all about sharing) everyone takes a large drink. If the person playing DOES make the time goal- everyone chugs their beverage at the end of the level until the star is in the sky.

"J-Pop Karaoke" isn't really a drinking game, but it's best done drunk. Go ahead and loudly sing along to your favorite Katamari music track, much to the disdain of whoever is playing. Try to do this in the Moon Eternal Mode, because it lasts awhile, and the songs; they change! Drink up, Alanis Morrisette- show us what you can do! Grandma finds this game "really annoying."

"Jesus Fuck!! I Can't Feel My Katamari!" is a personal favorite, in that it doesn't involve beer, rather it has your favorite 80 proof. Tequila, Gin, Vodka, Whiskey- whatever your poison; this game is a two player inebriated festival of life, so make sure you have a second dual shock lying around. In two player mode, whenever someone "traps" the other person in their own Katamari- the trapped individual must drink. After three or four games, someone will likely vomit- at which point everyone yells "Jesus Fuck- I can't feel my Katamari!!" in their best celebratory impersonation of a Greek wedding.

Make sure you have a bucket.

"Roll You Up" is a Katamari drinking game with complete improvision at its core. The choice of beverage, the drinking triggers are to be set with the same patience and consideration as the dealer who decides the wildcard in poker. Some triggers used in games personally enjoyed include:

Drink when they roll up an animal.
Drink when they roll up a person.
Drink when they roll up a mode of transportation.
Drink when they roll up a child.
Drink when they roll up a building.
Drink when they roll up that crazy "Afro-Man."
Drink when they roll up a kitty.
Drink when they roll up "American Man."
Drink when they roll up vegetation of any kind.
Take three drinks whenever the King shows up for any reason.
Take two drinks whenever they roll up a cousin.

The list goes on....

Grandma finds these games to be "not her thing" and "dumb as all hell," but I can attest to their effectiveness at parties and study sessions alike. Namco really seems to know their stuff on this one; so the sequel may be worth a look. We'll let you know what Grandma thinks.

The hunt for the next game continues....


  • At 5:54 PM, Blogger Leci said…

    My brother bought the sound track for the second game.

    That is some fucked up music.

  • At 10:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Holy god damn, that was good!!!! A Katamari Drinking Game! Fuck yes!

    I just found your blog searching for videos of Prince of Persia, and holy shit I was not expecting this.

    This is college at its best!!!

    I will spread the word of the Katamari, and of the Grandma.

    You are my new hero.

  • At 9:03 AM, Blogger ivorynetsuke said…

    My god, thank you for posting this ... my co-worker's boyfriend had bought this game a while back, and I couldn't remember the name of it.

    I just bought off eBay now. Can't wait to play it and try one of those games =)


  • At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I didn't really want Katamari Damasy before. Now... I need that and a couple other things.

  • At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dude, I've printed up the games and handed them out to the folks on our dorm floor.

    There are going to be some FUCKED up Katamari players tonight at Kent State.

    Game on!

  • At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes, those are extemely effective study techniques Tim! I am quite impressed. Now I know why I'm a better student in college than I was in highschool. YES!

  • At 12:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'd just like to point out as a rabid fan who picked up We <3 Katamari on launch day that the game is actually rated E for Everyone (though the reason you listed was correct). ;)

    On another note, I recall you saying a while back that Grandma was anticipating Advent Children; did she see it yet? If not, I'd be willing to mail out a subbed DVD posthaste.

  • At 11:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    All hail, the Granny Gamer. :O

  • At 7:04 PM, Blogger clow said…

    ok, I know this post is from like a couple months back, I'm slow in evrything...

    I just read about granny and her gaming habits... that's the same way I'm going to be when I'm older... I know it....

    I also just got Katamari Damacy (and we love katamari as well) for christmas, so I just joined that cult...

    but what I really wanted to day is OMG!!! KATAMARI DRINKING GAME ON NEW YEARS!!!

    I'm so doing it!!

  • At 1:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My husband and I used the original Katamari Daimacy theme song as the recessional in our wedding. :) (We got married in a planetarium and are huge geeks, so it seemed appropriate.)

    Now I know something we can do on our anniversary... :) "I can't feel my Katamari!!!"


  • At 1:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Does she have a Gamertag, or XBL for that matter?

    If so, mines Brendon212, please add, i'd love to play some Call of Duty or Halo or something.

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  • At 3:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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