Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Circuit City #3554 In Bainbridge Ohio Can Kiss My French-Canadian Ass

We picked up the camera you bought us today. B&H decided "In Stock" means "I Can Sell You Something Else," and 47th Street Photo thinks that the cheapest possible way to send a 3lb box from New York to Cleveland is somewhere around $6 million dollars or "shut the fuck up and take it, you need a camera, so fughedaboutit, asshole." To 47th St.'s credit, the dude did call me back to answer a question about something.

So it was either outrageous tax or outrageous shipping. I had a feeling your donations wouldn't fully be used to pay UPS if you know what I mean, but I hate giving the State of Ohio a damn thing. Fuck Ohio. It's a shitty state with a shittier government, but it had to be done to get a camera. Wal Mart was out of stock, so we went next door to Circuit City.

Grandma and I have given this store a lot of business since it opened recently. I bought a whole desktop computer set for my mother there. I bought an iPod, headphones, CD's, the whole DVD collection of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and The Ren and Stimpy show, the TV Swivel for Grandma's TV, Grandma's TV, a DVD player, a couple games Gamestop and EB priced too high, not to mention numerous boxes of Nerds candy with each purchase. Grandma picked up her copy of God of War today from this store.

Not no more, I tells ya. I've done learned my lesson.

To get someone to help us in a store with about 12 or more employees, and perhaps 3 customers, I had to juggle various camcorder bags in a humorous way saying "Who wants commission? Easy sale! I know what I want! Please unlock it!! PLEASE!!!!" After the security guard noticed that Grandma was leaning on one of the cases because she had been standing there for 20 minutes with a crazy person juggling shit jumping around next to her with his girlfriend holding a sit-in protest against the tyrannical union-busting store management bosses for ignoring us in the camcorder section by sitting in the lotus position on the floor of Circuit City chanting "Please Help Us! Please HELP US!!"- we finally got some kid to unlock the case. (It has come to my understanding while re-reading this post that we are in fact lunatics. This is irrelevant.)

I ask if any of the higher model numbers of the Sony series have manual settings for shutter speed and aperture. His response: "Did you look?" I ask if there is anyone who knows in the store. He says no. I buy the fucking camera.

The kid proceeds to try and sell us a $90 protection plan to a camera that isn't going to leave its mighty Pelican pressure adaptive hard case unless filming Grandma by guilt tripping us with the fact that it was donation money that bought us the camera in the first place. For a half hour. Grandma just wants to get home so she can play God of War. The kid keeps trying.

To get a good price sometimes you have to do some crazy shit. Like shop at Circuit City. In Bainbridge, Ohio. The one near Payless Shoes.


Oh but it gets better. See, Grandma bought God of War. We did the right thing and formed a human chain around one of the fast moving red shirted employees, forcing him from his assigned vector to unlock the glass case. He gave it to me. "No," I said. "The game is for her," pointing to Grandma.

He gives Grandma and me the dirtiest look since Ann Coulter showed up for Woodstock. Grandma was a bit hurt that this kid thought we were fucking with him. Grandma had to follow him to the register, run her card, and sign the little pad in silence.

On the way home, she had this to say:
"That was NOT cool. How long were we in there? Did you see the LOOK that guy gave me? We should say something on the site, that kid was a DICK."

I responded- "...alright."


--Updates coming TONIGHT!!--


  • At 6:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    HAHA Grandma is using her rising online fame to put shit on someone, I love it.

    You rule Grandma


  • At 7:24 PM, Blogger Ozark said…

    funny thing i found today via a typo.. if you put in the website as http://oghc.blogpsot.com - note the mispelling of spot in get a bible study website.. I shit you not.. lol.

    Glad Grandma is getting a blast out of God of War. A stunning game.

    Has Grandma ever tried any rhythm games? not DDR, but Amplitude or Frequency on the PS2... or even Karaoke Revolution. (it's sad but one of my favorite games)

    I'm looking forward to Guitar Hero on the PS2.

  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger leonard_shelby said…

    kid doesn't know shit about anything...
    spare him.
    poor bastard probably never heard of blogging and the like...

    grandma rocks.

  • At 8:10 PM, Blogger Lynnette said…

    Wow! Sounds a hell of a lot like my Circuit Shitty, and I'm in Wisconsin.

  • At 9:16 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…


    I'm not putting any names up on the blog, man- I wouldn't be cruel. Maybe he was having a bad day or something, I don't know. I just don't shop there anymore is all. (Like I have money anyway :)

  • At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    things to do when recieving crappy service: 1. make note of the time/date/location 2. make note of the employee's name 3. send an email to the corporation's main email address (which will be forwarded to the appropriate store) 4. sit back and smile....because someone's going to get an ass chewing....(oh yes this does work, i assure you, i used to manage a store)

  • At 8:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sorry you guys had trouble getting the camera. And, I live in New York - it's true, we're all assholes here.

    You should complain about the little bastard that gave you trouble, he'd get fired if it was serious enough.

    PS. Random question to answer if you so desire, has Grandma ever played "NiGHTS into Dreams" for some old Sega console I forgot the name of? Saturn, I think?

  • At 8:34 AM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    Story of my life Tim and Grandma! I'm 24, but I'm only 4'7" tall and 75lbs. I don't have dwarfism, I just never really grew, so I look like I'm 12! I can never get service at places like that. And when someone does finally stop to answer a question, they half ass it thinking that I'm too young to actually buy it. They even go so far as to act annoyed that I'm wasting their time! It sucks.

    BUT! Being little is fun too! Almost every time I go to a restaurant I'm given a kiddie menue. I sit down, they place the menue and the crayons in front of me and say, "Can I get you anything to drink?" And I say, "Yes, a beer would nice."

  • At 8:36 AM, Blogger Kirvi said…

    I think your Circuit City experience was typical for that chain... we run into the same types of problems here in OKC (240 & Shields store). I will take my purchase to the front of the store, and then count the number of employees that notice me without greeting me, offering to help, or even throwing me a "someone will be right with you!" bone. When I get 3 of these I drop everything I'd picked up on the floor right in front of the entrance and start telling my husband LOUDLY how we should have gone to Best Buy where they actually like customers (this is a lie, Best Buy may be even worse). This usually works for me.

  • At 9:55 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Reno- I love New York City, man; it's the greatest! You're not all assholes, it's just a larger population proportionately carries a higher populous of each variation of character, so more people = more assholes. But it also means more nice people too. I think it was for Dreamcast, and yup! Grandma played it!

    Steph- I have to REQUEST those crayons from the server, and those menu mazes are fucking HARD :) The biggest problem is that service has become selectively helpful to those who they assume have money to spend. When the service industry tries make their service maleable to their impression of the customer, shit like this happens to you, me, and Grandma. Maybe it would be better under communism, so we're all treated like shit equally! Drink one for me, Littlest Ninja!

    Kirvi- I've tried this. Problem is, their a huge chain with minimum wage paid employees who could care less if you take your business to Besty Buy or if you take a shit in the parking lot- it's not their problem. I used to work at Radio Shack (maybe the worst place to work next to U.S. Army Infantry) and their policies of "SELL THEM A CELLPHONE IF THEY COME IN FOR A BATTERY" sort of made me... ..um, quit after the holiday season. (Yeah, that's a shitty thing to do, I know- but at least now I can sleep at night.)

    Here's a fun story for you guys: I worked for Ritz Camera when The Terrorist Attacks destroyed just a little bit more my ability to think humanity was generally good. The district manager called all the sales associates from all the stores in our district to have a meeting about a week or so later. His whole speech was bullshit, but the line I remember most was "After 9/11 people are learning they can't take it with 'em. [long pause] And we need to USE that."

    Mother. Fucker. Has retail really done this to people? That guy still works for Ritz Camera, I think he manages another district somewhere. I don't. I told them my car wouldn't start for a whole month before they finally figured it out.

  • At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    And Grandma learns the dark side of teh intarweb...

    talking smack about people who piss you off in real life

    And the best part is, someone there probably knows about this site, but hasn't put 2 + 2 together...

    yet... XD

  • At 11:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yeah, most sales people at stores like that don't have an f'ing clue. They're paid minimum wage so why should they care? My husband works at the Australian equivalent of Circuit City (perhaps a little less dirty than that) and he is one of the few people there who takes an interest in the products he sells because he's a nerd. Even though he knows what he is talking about (all I hear about is plasma/LCD TVs from a guy who never watches TV,) he is not considered a good salesman because he doesn't pressure people enough to buy. Unfortunately, sales-people at these stores have a quota and that's all most of them care about, and the customer doesn't know any better. To be fair, most of the customers are dick heads who don't give a shit that he spends 20 minutes explaining how to work a digital set-top box to them. They would rather make their purchase from the store that has the lowest prices, and have no shame about it. In a way, it is the customer's own fault because no one is willing to pay for service anymore. Sad but true.

  • At 12:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ya just so you know.. CC employees do not get paid on commision... the only thing that makes the company money on camera sales is accessories and the protection plan.....why would we be running over to you to sell you a camera thats gonna lose the company money because ur cheap ass wont buy the protection.. i hope that fucker breaks and ur out 400 bucks cus u thought u didnt need the protection....

  • At 4:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


  • At 8:54 AM, Anonymous xl pharmacy said…

    It is a really good story, I like when you mention something related with a big Canadian ass!

  • At 2:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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