Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Grandma's Games; The Museum Has Strict Guards

As I mentioned before; there are three children living in our house. They are all gamers; as most kids with an allowable income tend to be. They don't have many games of their own; most are now or have been Grandma's games.

Grandma sat down with Bobby last night and gave him a speech most would expect from a father talking to his rebel teenager about "taking the car." She let him know that if a piece of dust; if one scratch; if a fingerprint raised with the use of dusting-spray and a blacklight would be found later on her GameCube copy of Prince of Persia; he would die a most horrific death.

Grandma destroyed Prince of Persia, yes. After she got the second sword; she picked up on the combat easier and, while becoming frustrated in parts; still loved the game. She's going to start Warrior Within after she's done with Conker, although she still wants to explore the multiplayer functions of games she's kept (MechAssault; Halo 2; Conker; Crimson Skies; Doom 3; Brothers in Arms; Splinter Cell CT; etc.,. etc.,...) Grandma might be going Live, everybody!

Even though she's played the thing well to death- this version is sort of special. She started with a rented XBox version that had scratches, so the cut scenes were sort of choppy; but then after the site kicked up she got the GameCube version as a gift [Thanks UbiSoft! Thanks FragDolls!] She started her game all over again (she really wasn't that far into it) and thought the Nintendo version rocked as well. But then she was done, then she watched the last credit roll past the screen; she very carefully turned off of the GameCube, softly pressed the "Open" button; and used her hands like tweezers to carefully remove the specimen and place it back in it's natural habitat. This was not a game to be sent to the buy back section of GameStop or EB; this was to be put deep in her catacombs, never to return unless comparisons to Prince of Persia 3 were later to be made; or possibly under a glass case.

Then Bobby walks in to the room after this solemn ritual: "Hey... Grandma... um, I was wondering... Since your done with Prince of Persia; and you said it was really cool; and Tim finished already; um... I was wondering if I could play it in the GameCube in my room? ...Please?"

Usually Ursula the Octopus Witch of the Deep rises to incredible heights with fire in her eyes spewing "NO!!! NO, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!! YOU NEVER TAKE CARE OF GAMES!! I WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU DID TO METROID PRIME YOU LITTLE SHIT!!"

But this time, Bobby did it right; and he's going to share the goodness that is The Sands of Time. Meanwhile, Barbie and Mom are addicted to Katamari Damacy (they're catching up) Grandma's playing Conker L&R; god knows what Kenny is playing in that dungeon of a room, and I'm on Warrior Within (XBox version) The sound coming from our house around 10:00 at night is not unlike a movie theater without a roof.

Life is good.

--More updates coming! Video #6.... The Horrors of Therapy.... Goddamn Quicktime Encoding Is A Bitch... etc.,.... Keep with the comments and the e-mails!--


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