NBC Channel 3 Cleveland!! Dan Tooker!! Nachos!! SCOTCH!!

Today Grandma was on the radio, she will be on television, and me- well... I'm ...enjoying life right now.

Update: Thanks ivorynetsuke! She found an affiliate in Jacksonville, FL that carries a working link to the video. And just so you know, all you people in the "South" with your "warm weather" and "First Coast News..." well, let's just say we had a bit of winter precipitation here in Cleveland. ...you bastards :) But she's right about one thing, is Grandma really that strange or unusual?

Update: I'm disabling the link to WKYC Cleveland until they can confirm that a clip of the piece is actually available online. So far, when viewed, it's just a commercial for (wait for this shit-) PERSONAL INJURY LAWYERS. From what we can see, there is no clip of Grandma. The piece ran at least twice tonight on television in the Cleveland area, but all clips online have been replaced by commercials. One of our readers suggested a vast conspiracy war between GE and Viacom, NBC using Grandma's fame to sell more ads online. The reader also suggests that aliens and the now un-dead corpse of Lord Nelson, reanimated by scientists working for Umbrella, are heading toward a coast of the Falkland Islands aboard an untested prototype U-Boat in an attempt to go back in time and find out what people thought Margaret Thatcher wore during the press conferences they never saw as they were being shot at by Argentineans.

I tend to think the webmaster fell asleep or something. No big deal, I'll contact them in the morning to see what's up so we can get some clips for yas.

We woke up this morning and had a short but sweet interview with Dan Tooker. Wichita, Kansas has what is called a "country music" station, see? (It's a popular genre with the kids these days.) Anyway, this pleased Grandma in ways I won't understand, as she describes her musical self as a "country music fan." I'm throwing a lot of words around here I simply don't know- so I'll just say this: Grandma likes Willie Nelson, Travis Tritt, Alan Jackson and a number of other artists that are played on that station. She likes country music. She taunts me about it. She laughs her wicked little laugh when a country song is played on the radio and she slaps my hand away from the "SEEK" button. I'll admit there are some good country tunes out there- but god damn if Grandma doesn't think they're gods among men. Thanks Wichita! We're glad you dig Grandma, she digs you!

Now something should be made completely clear before we go on- I don't have to work today. Okay- now that that's covered, we can continue. WKYC Channel 3, of whom we are very familiar as we live in Cleveland, is our local NBC station. That's the channel we watch for SNL, those are the folks that tell us if school is closed because of snow or not, so we can appropriately prepare the cold, steel cages in which we keep the children should an emergency happen during the day. They called us, set up a time, and came out today at 1:00pm. I was feeling particularly excited that some folks we might KNOW would see the news piece, which airs tonight either at 6:00 or 7:00pm, and again at 11:00pm. So I ask the reporter, Vic- and the camera guy Larry, if they have ever tasted the exquisite wonder that is 50 year old scotch.

They politely declined my offer, because a) they're working, b) they have to drive back, and c) "damn, did you say FIFTY YEARS??" Yes. Yes I did. Now, I can't afford scotch that old, I can't even afford the cheap 18 year old shit they sell locally- so I do it the economical way: I wait a really long time for someone to give me a bottle. And that's exactly what happened. My Stepfather bought a good bottle of scotch in Scotland on his way to Vietnam back in 1963. This nectar was good even THEN. Oh, just imagine what it's like now. So the Channel 3 guys didn't want a taste. Okay, that's cool; fuck it- I'm going to have a glass myself.

So I do.

I pour just a smidgen over some ice and begin my quest of making everything funny. They, in turn, begin to film Grandma doing her thing. They film us playing some Outlaw Golf 2 for the XBox, Grandma playing Fatal Frame 3, etc.,. and then they clip a mic on my shirt.

Shit.

They're going to film my ass.

I wasn't drunk, I had not even finished my glass but I certainly had that buzz of groovy feelings. I figured I'd need some nachos or something salty to get through this, or at least to recover. You can't smoke cigarettes on tight camera shots indoors because the smoke creates a freaky diffuse filter, and you can't eat anything because, let's face it- you'd look like a slob. So I answer their questions as best I can then after they leave I break out the ultimate weapon. Blue corn chips. They are just like normal nachos, but they're blue. It's a novelty that hasn't gone soft on me yet.

To go with the chips I make a quick salsa. By "make" I mean crudely blending together mild Chi-Chi's salsa with Red Hot and hot pepper flakes with just a hint of lemon juice.

I have the rest of my glass of scotch, a cigarette, chips and salsa, and don't you know it- the big news we've been waiting to tell you guys is ...one step closer to giving us the ability to ...tell you guys. So..... yeah.

Now I'm drunk.


Yup.


So! If you're a newcomer via either news piece done today, check out our soberly written archives! Our dry, alcohol-free videos! You don't even need to show me your ID, just go on in; it's okay. Welcome to Old Grandma Hardcore!

Game on!


Update: Hey Cleveland! We're on after Dr. Phil. How ironic is THAT?