Grandma Fucks Around In Indigo Prophecy

The format of this post may seem silly right now, because mobile blogging, while "the shit," doesn't have all the options one would imagine it has. Bear with me....

Playing "Indogo Prophecy" is more or less playing Simon with a story. The game itself is a mere cutscene behind the primary element of gameplay, a series of flashed directional commands set to a colorful circle. Sound familiar? This makes for interesting dialogue from Grandma in the form of audible corrections to her movement followed by heavy vulgarity.

Exhibit A:

"Left... Right... Up, UP UP!!! FUCK!!!!"

"Right... two down.... two up... no Green! GREEN!! GOD DAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CRAZY PEOPLE?"

"Left... up... dodge the angels THE ANGELS, FUCKER!!"

"I PRESSED UP! Tim, look at this shit, I PRESSED the fucking thing."

"Oh That's BULLSHIT- it goes faster!!"

"No asshole! Don't fucking COUGH! THE COP WILL SEE YOU!!! Up... Left.... ....god damn this stupid fucking thing.... This is impossible."


One reader refered to it as "track and field gameplay" and that's about right. The Left-Right shoulder button repetitions appear at the most difficult of moments, to Grandma's "delight."

"Oh, yeah- I love this fucking game. It doesn't get any better than THIS FUCKING SHIT."

Sarcasm is not one of her stronger areas. In Resident Evil 4, the button mashing techniques were spaced out, appropriately designated for cutscenes and tense moments. In Indigo Prophecy, however, one scene depicts Lucas' apartment falling around around him, with different objects flying at his head every few seconds for about six hours (or so it seems,) creating a ridiculous scene to watch. Imagine a man standing in a heavily furnished hotel room waiting around for shit to fly at his head, rather than taking cover or hiding. Now imagine this goes on for 10 minutes, all the while you have to match up directions and colors on each thumbstick. Now imagine 15 more minutes have passed, and you're still doing the same thing. Now imagine your head exploding, creating a messy layer of brain matter and skull for your family to clean up.

This is Indigo Prophecy.

The game's saving grace is the story- which truly is riviting. The game itself is rather short, but it can take bloody forever if you choose Hard Mode, in which your game of Simon goes beyond the occasional fondue party slap of the plastic and travels into the dimension of pain and suffering; or "Hell" as it is dubbed in many cultures.

The voice acting is also surprisingly well done, even after you die for the nineteenth time by falling off a building. That scream is always followed by a sense that, however many takes it required in the sound studio, by God that was the best one.

Grandma is almost done with her first time through the game, which makes me think this would make an excellent rental, and a great buy when it reaches the "Classics" list. I'll have Grandma's final thoughts on the matter after her ordeal is over, and I'll try not to slip any spoilers for you who haven't played yet.