Grandma Becomes Psychic; Foresees much Swearing

Grandma decided to go out and buy Psychonauts today for the Xbox. She popped it in and played for a little bit without saving just to see what the game is like. There is a formula for deciding which games will be particularly frustrating for Grandma.

Four or five components make up the formula.
The values for V [Crazy Voice Acting] and A [Incredibly Arrogant Main Character] are curiously linked to the number of necessary "double" jumps (J) and the number of times Grandma "dies" within the first 20 minutes of gameplay (K, or in this case 9) which are proportionate to the Golden Total Death/F Ratio whereas F = number of audible vulgar outbursts.

The usual game, say- Crash Bandicoot for Playstation has low values for both V and A and so, expectedly, J - K > (D/F) We give this a Grandma Value of Frustration set at 3.

The more challenging game, such as Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver has a low value for V but a high A; thus J + K > (D/F) This game has a GVF of 5.

Then there is the "S" class of gaming, say ...Resident Evil 4. High Values for both V and A, so J = 0; K = 20 < (D/F) This game has a GVF of 9.


We're still searching for a perfect 10.

...Yeah.

Formulas suck.

Anyway, this game has, so far, a lot of crazy voice acting and a whole shitload of arrogance on behalf of the main character; lots of double-jumping and buckets of stuff to collect, buy and upgrade. God damn right. Grandma is digging the gameplay, and the graphics are certainly what one would expect from Schaffer's earlier work. I think she's going to enjoy this; I also think that enjoyment may come at a horrible price. After completion of Psychonauts, I fear that a Nun somewhere on earth will feel an uncomfortable, cold shudder and write frantically to The Vatican that a great disturbance to the force has been detected.

That disturbance will be the chain of profanity invoked by Grandma's XBox, coldly pulled from her mouth like a dentist slowly removing many meters of swallowed floss.

Looks like this could be fun! The game looks very cool, prepare yourselves for a trip....


--More updates coming, but you already know that. Thanks for the comments and e-mails everybody!!

Also; I'm jumping on the blogsphere's call for action- There was a bit of a thunderstorm down in the delta this week of which I'm sure you're aware. PLEASE help if you can. Grandma has a lot of friends down there who know her through the site and she's always asking if anyone e-mailed to say they're alright. (Like people would e-mail me; who the hell am I? I think they have other things on their mind.) One of the most profound things I've ever done is watch Mississippi and Louisiana drop out of existence on our incoming links / ISP board early Monday morning. That wasn't nearly as terrifying as what they had to go through; so if they need volunteers leaving from my area to help, you bet your ass I'm down there. Please do what you can, folks. Otherwise we're still bringing everyone some Grandma to lighten their day.

International readers; bear with me, we're all having a meltdown over this thing.

More Hot Grandma Action coming tomorrow!--