Grandma's Recipe for Fuck Yeah!

Some of you have noticed that in a couple videos, Grandma is happily munching on something tasty while destroying her enemies. Several times the question is asked "Does Grandma have any good recipes and also has she played Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal?" Well, second part first: yes, she has! First part last; there is much to talk about.

The food you eat is dependant on the type of game you play. When Grandma plays World Championship Poker on XBox Live she eats Pirouette cookies (although, they're not really cookies, they are more like soft, chocolate biscotti). Also, be wary of eating too much of the same food whilst playing a long game; you'll accidentally condition yourself to have odd taste associations. For example- I have a triad of connecting elements that I can't gid rid of ever. If I ever hear Pink Floyd's "The Wall," I think of eating Spaghettios and playing Final Fantasy VIII. If I ever eat Spaghettios, I think of Pink Floyd and Squall Lionheart. If I ever play Final Fantasy VIII, I get the taste and smell of spaghettios in my mouth and the song "Comfortably Numb" stuck in my head.

For RPGs, Grandma eats macaroni or some noodle dish. Any noodle dish will do, or perhaps rice. They're perfect to eat while your waiting for random battles to begin after the "PPSSSWOOSSSHH" sound, and later after the battle when all your stats are going up. Grandma prefers the Kraft "Fairly Odd Parents" shaped Macaroni and Cheese.


For platforms such as Jak and Dexter, popcorn is king. Only not just any popcorn. Here's what you do:

Ingredients:
1 Bag of Microwaveable Popcorn (anything but Kettle style)
1/2 Stick of Margarine
1 Big Ass Bowl, preferably plastic
1 "Shit-ton" of salt

Directions: Put the popcorn in the microwave and set for High @ 3:00min. It won't take that long, so listen for the popcorn to stop exploding around 1:50. Elegantly place the stick of butter in a tiny sauce pan and put over a gas stove at medium heat. Stare at it and swoosh it around a bit until it's all melted (but not boiling and splashing you in the eye). Magically, the popcorn and the margarine finish at about the same time, so grab the bowl, stick the fucking popcorn inside (Careful! It's hot, asshole!) Coat it with the melted "butter," stick a whole lot of salt on top, grab a Diet Coke (Grandma's Preference) and munch in a gluttonous manner while killing things and collecting objects in your favorite platformer.


Now if it's a difficult, action-type kick-your-ass game like God of War or Prince of Persia; you are going to need Taquitos. If you don't have Taquitos, expect your ass to be kicked. For those of you new to Taquitos, they're usually in the frozen section of the grocery store, somewhere by the pizza. They are thinly rolled tortillas filled with some sort of meat. And that's it. They're like really skinny burritos. Grandma likes the chicken, but the beef is delicious also. You can dip them into the salsa of your choice, or eat them plain for a quicker meal. Bottom line, they are perfect to eat for action games. You eat them like really long mozzarella sticks only without the uncomfortable "shit, the cheese won't break!"

Here's what you need:
A. 1 Can of Pepsi; 1 Larger Than Life Plastic Cup with ice.

B. TAQUITOS (3 Taquitos = 350 calories, they come in boxes of ten- which is about 1200 calories. Play it safe kids, don't give your life away.)

C. 1 Pack of Camel Turkish Royal Class A Cigarettes; 1 Ashtray; 1 Non-Childproof Lighter. Camel Turkish Royal tastes better than Marlboro, but burns faster, perfect for long cutscenes in games like God of War. Grandma's not a smoker, but I need these to watch her, so.... yeah.

D. 1 iPod with loud angry "I FUCKING HATE YOU" playlists filled with punk type music. Piped right into Grandma's head, or if she's really loud calling Kratos a "cocksucker"- my head.



So there you have it! Other than that, Grandma eats Blue Corn Chips, pretty much any brand will do as long as there is salt, but I warn you that eating these chips en masse will turn your poop green. And yes, hot salsa burns on the way out, too. I warned you. Also, if you're of age, the two best drinks for video games are the Dirty Martini (Vodka Martini with heavy olive juice) or my favorite- the Dr. Mario Screwdriver (A very tall glass of orange juice with a strong triple shot of extra dry gin and a splash of lime juice; consumed through a twisty straw.) Please note that these drinks may decrease your overall playing performance- but you won't notice or care.

Game on!

--More updates on the way!! Thanks for the comments and e-mails! What kind of food do you eat when you play? Discuss.....--