Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

The Telephone: Grandma's Arch Enemy

While at Case today I called Grandma to see how she was doing. She was cursing in a whisper at some other XBox Live player who would wait until she would call a bet in poker before he would go all in, always when it was her turn, never other players. Her mic was off, but it sounded as though she still carried the fear of the anonymous player overhearing her misgivings, and adjusting his strategy accordingly.

Grandma is stuck in Psychonauts. It was difficult for me to understand the situation over the phone. Here's what she said:

Grandma - "So, I'm in this one point, where... you're outside- you need to get into a graveyard, see? And I got passed the one guy, I had to give him a Stop Sign, right? But- okay, you need these garden shears that are supposed to be in the trunk of this fucking car, but there isn't shit in there! So I went online, I went to GameFAQs, they said it was in the trunk. I went up to get a strategy guide, but it's just going to say it's in the fucking trunk, and I've ran around there so many god damn times I KNOW it's not in the fucker!!"
Me- "What are you looking for again?"
Grandma - "Garden Shears. Clippers, I guess."
Me - "In the trunk of the car."
Grandma - "Yes. To get into the graveyard."
Me - "Are there other cars?"
Grandma - "There isn't shit."

If this were a conversation about some criminal activity, the investigators would surely find hidden messages and symbolism for "garden shears" and "stop sign," a code for the hierarchy of evil in some insidious cell of mafioso badasses. Strange when it turns out to be about a boy at camp.

The phone turned out to be a poor way of communicating Grandma's frustration, which is a positive turn I think. This means I would have more luck understanding what she's talking about if I'm there with her and I get another excuse for hanging out with Grandma. Also, imagine the conclusion people reach as they watch a scrawny kid in a Weezer shirt strolling across campus yelling into a cell phone "WHAT?? You have to go in the TRUNK to get the GARDEN SHEARS to get into the GRAVEYARD?? Okay!! I'll look into it!!" during Rush Week. No, there is no strange cell-phone yelling, ritualistic, fraternity acceptance option, it's just my Grandma.

--More updates on the way!! Lots of new stuff coming for everybody; comments and e-mails are always welcome. Thanks folks!--


  • At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm sure she got it already. But there are a couple of things I can think of.

    First, use the Stop sign to get past the agents holding similar signs (the same tactic with different objects needs to be used all over this level). Once you do this, you should get to other areas where there are parked cars with spinning satellite dishes. Once you hit the car a few times, the dish stops and the trunk opens. Make sure she does this to all of the cars she sees.

    Second, check inside all of the houses. If I remember correctly, agents are in some of them, requiring other items to get past. But sometimes they give you items you need in return.

    Third, the streets twist all crazy when walking. You can jump to another street if it looks close enough. More houses and cars can be found once you do this.

    She'll have a bitch of a time in that garden area, with the opening and closing of the gate. You have to get flowers here to get in the graveyard I believe. But let us know if she needs help with this part.

    Good luck! :-)

  • At 9:46 PM, Blogger DDREEK said…

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  • At 10:34 AM, Blogger EazyCheeze said…

    I thought you needed flowers to get into the graveyard. "I am a mourning widow. Boo hoo hoo." Or something like that. The milkman/guard's (I forgot his name) mind is all messed up.

  • At 12:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That part was pretty tricky! I wandered around that neiborhood for quite some time!

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