Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Grandma's Playing Outlaw Golf 2

When it comes to Outlaw Golf 2, Grandma's game is not at it's peak. There are a ton of characters, The Range, which is essentially a bunch of mini games, and a long tour, so to get 100% in this game is pretty daunting. She turned off the commentary and voices and she's plowing away at this game, trying her damndest to reach the point of "why bother." She doesn't understand the dynamics of the controls as well as the PGA series Golf Games, or even Hot Shots 1 & 2, so I usually beat her pretty bad when we go head to head. The thing is- is when she's putting, she turns on the grid and very carefully counts up and down the number of cells she needs to adjust, and she messes it up. If by chance, she does make the projected path go into the hole, she will mess up at the power meter and swear profusely.

So here is some sample dialogue of Grandma and I as she plays tour mode of Outlaw Golf 2:

"G- [While choosing the costume for her player] Jesus Christ! Look what she's wearing! Her ass is hanging out!"

"G- Fuck! You hit the ball 10 feet and the asshole rolls 26 feet! You see that shit?"
"M- Yeah, it was... close."

"G- Shit, you see what I mean about that wind? You could be out in fuckin Timbuktoo you hit it anywhere near the pin."

"G- No, no no no no, too far dummy. Yeah, I knew you were going to roll way off."

"G- How the
fuck do you get it to drop by the pin and stay there?"
"M- You hit the bottom of the ball"
"G- The bottom? How do I do that?"
"M- [showing her which thumbstick to use] Here, like-"
"G- No! If you show me you'll just take credit when I win."

"M- Well, you came close to getting an ace..."
"G- I'm not playing fucking horseshoes, Tim."

"G- That's a bunch of shit. [watching ghostball projection] How the hell did I end up way over there?"

"G- [on listening to the soundtrack] Did he say 'ghetto youth?' I don't understand rap most of the time. I don't know what the hell they're saying!"


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