Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Grandma's Wii Sports Bowling War I

Of all the Wii Sports games she likes bowling the best and boxing the least. Grandma began playing video games when arcades were first introduced to bowling alleys back in the 70's when she was on a league. She can't bowl anymore because of her knees and back, but she's can still play, goddammit!

Let's meet her first set of enemies, The Twins...

This is Bob. Bob can hook the ball like a motherfucker but his weakness lies in the desire to make strange and peculiar "dude, I totally rock!" faces while bowling, distracting him just enough to screw up an otherwise good serve to the pins.

This is Barbie, Bob's twin sister and all around tormentor. She lost miserably to Grandma at her first Brain Age War and is back for revenge. She rolls fairly straight, but she almost never splits for some reason. Her weakness is 'the slump'; being unable to recover from the failure of picking up a spare.

This is Grandma. Grandma has years of bowling experience but while some may see that as a strength, she sees it as a weakness; she's physically conditioned to her habits of holding a ball with a specific weight, stepping forward in a practiced way, releasing the ball with a rehearsed curve, etc.,. and the Wii provides only a simulated experience. Grandma has retained her team camaraderie from the 70's and often congratulates her challengers on good rolls.

The Wii Bowling War consisted of the three players, each playing for themselves; one practice round followed by three rounds. Winner is best of three; additional rounds to be played if necessary.

The players moved Grandma's gaming chair from in front of the television to remove any chance of obstruction, sync'd the controllers, selected their Mii's, and began the practice round.

Grandma went into the game with a Skill Point level hovering around 1100; just beyond the pro-line. The Twins were significantly lower due to recent poor interim reports preventing them from accessing the Wii, yet both had experience playing the game on their older brother Josh's Wii.

Highlights from the practice round:

Grandma - "Come on.........HOOK!! See?"

Bob - "I hit my hand on the wall!"
Grandma - "Well don't do that."

Barbie - "I suck."
Grandma - "You have to move over more before you throw the ball."
Barbie - "Okay, tell me when to stop..."
Grandma - "Right about there should be good."
Barbie - [rolls gutter] "I still missed! YOU said to roll there!"
Grandma - "Yeah, but you have to roll harder than that."

At the end of the practice round the scores were overall about what I'd expected.

Grandma - 166
Bob - 129
Barbie - 134

No one was surprised that Grandma won, but she was disappointed in herself for getting less than 200. Barbie was excited to beat Bob after he had slumped in the last four frames.

And now the war could begin...

Grandma began the very first frame with a strike. The Twins had both left open frames on the board, but it didn't stay weighted for long. Barbie slumped after following a strike in the fifth frame with an unexpected (6), but Bob caught right up to Grandma after she failed to achieve a spare on the seventh frame. It was extremely close, but Grandma was able to pick up the extra frame after a nine-one spare in the tenth.

Final Score for Round 1:
Grandma - 169
Bob - 165
Barbie - 141

At the beginning of the second round, Barbie took over the board at first, making strange celebratory faces after her first ever Turkey that I honestly don't think she was aware were possible to capture with a high-speed flash sync; something between happiness and pained looks of terror.

Highlights from round two:

Grandma: "Shit! I lost my mark!"

Bob: "I POWN."
Barbie: "Did you just say 'pw3n' in actual ...life?"
Bob: "Yeah. So?"
Barbie: "Dude."

Barbie: "Loo!Loo!Loo!Loo!Loo!Loo!BLAARGHH!!!!"
Grandma: "See? You moved your hand right that time."
Barbie: "I got a strike! Yay!"
Me: "What the fuck."

In the end, however, it would be BOB to dominate all, pulling a personal record of 196 out of nowhere to even the score at 1-1. Grandma had missed her mark too many times to regain a lead, and surprised everyone by finishing last.

Final score for the Round 2:
Grandma - 160
Bob - 196
Barbie - 166

The third game was tense. If either Bob or Grandma won, the tournament would be over unless Barbie could stop making strange bird noises and actually win the last round; sending things into a tie-breaker.

Grandma flubbed a Turkey in the fifth frame by missing a 7-10 split outright and up the middle, which suddenly made things much closer. Although Barbie had calmed down, her game didn't get any better. Bob, however, saw his opportunity.

He watched Grandma's gentle hook leave the 7 and 8 pins standing, so he tried himself from the far right with a stronger hook for a turkey in the last four frames. By the ninth frame, Grandma knew she was beat, already having scored it in her head.

Bob threw heavy in the tenth frame with the comfort that he had already won, and even that put him well over the top. Barbie had since given up; lobbing strange throws down the lane and Grandma was angry at herself for splitting in the fifth, but not so angry as to not congratulate Bob and challenge him to another game later.

That is, until she realized that her skill level had gone down.

Final Score for Round 3:
Grandma - 180
Bob - 202
Barbie - 125

Game on!


  • At 8:44 PM, Anonymous amanda reeves pika23 said…

    yay!!! first post!

    looks like you guys had a good time!

  • At 10:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wii rules..Bowling is cool. I'm just over 200 myself, about 212. Wii Play is awsome too! GO Grandma. PS. I'll be a Grandpa in a few months. Woot for me!

  • At 11:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    God of War II T-Shirt, HARDCORE

  • At 4:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh my goodness, you are the greatest Grandma of the world. I wish I have one, but mine are all passed away. Game-Grandma, I love YOU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!

  • At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sorry for a little offtopic, but what camera did you use to take those photos? They look great! Thanks.

  • At 1:48 PM, Anonymous Kyle said…

    Awesome GOWII t-shirt. You'd also probably be way better than me in bowling, I suck at bowling.

  • At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Kyle said…

    Oh yeah, thanks for adding me as your friend on your PS3

  • At 2:00 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Marek - I used a Nikon D100 with a 18-35 cheapy Sigma 3.5-5.6 lens for the wide shots and a 28-75 2.8/D for the close shots. The white balance in Grandma's game room is really flourescent so I had a green filter over an SB-800 speedlight held off camera.

    Kyle and Anonymous - Yeah, the GoWII t-shirt was a bit out of place with her playing a Wii game, but she wears what she wears! She bought the game at Circuit City when it launched Wednesday and the t-shirt was one of those unexpected freebies :)

  • At 8:45 PM, Blogger Nick said…

    I just wanted to commend you on all the content recently... for awhile I would check OGHC daily to no avail and get a little discouraged, but I've been pleasantly surprised in the past week or so.

    Quality post

  • At 11:29 PM, Anonymous Blue said…

    AWESOME! I love Wii bowling. I suck ass at real bowling, but I was DEADLY at Wii bowling... at first. Then Josiah got good at it, and goodbye, my lead. Curses! That sport, though... when showing it to a non-gamer (but ex-bowling team) friend, she outright DEMANDED games from us. Conversations went like this:

    "But... Diane, you said you had to leave like an hour ago..."
    "It's cool, I just want one more game."
    "And don't you have to work in the mor-"
    "ONE! MORE! GAME!"

    How can you argue with that? We were at a loss - so we bowled, and she kept getting more and more awesome at it, figuring out how to work her past experience into the new and unfamiliar heft of the Wiimote. To anyone who thinks the Wii won't get non-gamers into gaming? I offer you this anecdote (with the full awareness that the plural of "anecdote" is NOT "date," but still).

    More posts make Annie greedily happy. I've addicted more co-workers to the OGHC's goodness, and was elated to discover - just as I looked over to tell Josiah about something OGHC-related - he, too, was reading the latest post. Good times ::grin::

    All the best to Grandma, Tim, and the St. Hilare clan - take care, be well, and GAME ON!


  • At 9:50 AM, Blogger Alecia said…

    The faces that the twins were making are absolutely hilarious. Sadly, I make some pretty awful faces when I get excited too. The first time I played Wii Bowling I kicked everyone's ass. :D

  • At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey OGHC, do you think you guys might come to the Penny Arcade Expo in late August of this year? I applied to be an "Enforcer" (a volunteer customer service person pretty much) and was accepted, so if you go I hope to see you there!

    --Michael Spencer

  • At 4:01 PM, Blogger Maharet said…

    i'm hoping that the controllers on the wii are easier to use than any other controller out there. i've tried to get my mom to play halo and other games, but she still gets really confused with all those buttons. i can remember a time when she played nintendo with us though. too bad she never really got into it. probably thought it was just kid stuff. too bad for her. lol

    anyway, i think the wii would be a nice addition to my 360. still pondering about the ps3 though. i'd have to get a big screen tv just for that. hahaha

  • At 9:04 AM, Blogger Zodiak said…

    I'm glad I made pro in this game 1st because bowling rules! I think my highest was a 250 even though I'm trying to shoot for the perfect game of 300.

    Ya almost had won it grandma, perhaps a Bowling War 2 is in the works? hmm.

    I'm currently working on tennis, another fun game ^^

    - Zodiak

  • At 8:17 AM, Blogger mia76 said…

    GRANDMA YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna be just like you when I get old!

  • At 3:03 PM, Blogger Jeff a.k.a. TrojanGuy said…

    Haha, that's awesome. My in-laws come over sometimes and play Wii bowling. My father-in-law says the Wii is the only game console he'd ever consider buying because you have to be up and moving around to play it. And while I agree with him that the Wii is the most "active" console, I wonder if his opinion will change when I get Guitar Hero 2 for the Xbox 360!

  • At 1:58 PM, Blogger Müzik Dinle said…

    supper site very good thanks
    müzik dinle mp3müzik dinle

  • At 2:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm french:
    hello, I discovered this blog grace has video games magazines and I would like to carry a homage has this super granny whom I never saw! too bad! good most sincere contuniation and congratulation

  • At 10:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

  • At 8:05 AM, Anonymous gih said…

    That's a good game grandma, let's rock and roll!

  • At 3:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Kyle inBuy Diablo 3 items addition to Unknown ( space ) Yep, the actual GoWII t-shirt was obviously aD3 Gold tad out of place along with her actively playing the Nintendo wii console online game,D3 ITEms although the lady has on what the girl wears! She ordered the overall game at Enterprise Metropolis if this launched Wed and also the t-shirt seemed Cheap Guild Wars 2 Gold to be among those unexpected free stuff


Post a Comment

<< Home