SWEET JESUS! THEY'RE GONNA EAT GRANDMA!!

Grandma is slowly roaming the dream world halls of Fatal Frame III: The Tormented, searching for those etheric bodies who would much rather choke her to death than pose for a netherworld tourist photo-op. The ambient low bass frequencies of the game's soundtrack vibrates the walls or our house; occasionally masking out the small screams of panic Grandma lets escape upon the emergence of a new ghost.

Most of her apparent terror is ignited not by the intensely spooky apparitions flowing through walls trying to kill her but rather by the lack of warning before their appearance coupled with her diminishing inventory of film and health. This brings about the appropriate vernacular response:

"SHIT! Where the FUCK did YOU COME FROM??"

"No no NO NO NO!!! I didn't SAVE!!! Not yet DAMMIT!"

"Come on... give me some film... I don't have- FUCK! I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!"

"You motherfucker. Tim, this thing is moving WAY TOO FAST, there is no way I can take it out without upgrading the camera, and I don't have the goddamn POINTS."

Fatal Frame III tends to completely dissolve our disbelief in the spirit world. If emotions and thought processes are determined by chemical activity within organs of our physical self, then ghosts are manifestations of the aura of those who have passed- thus, they do not contain said organs- so they cannot form rational thought.

Apparently these ghosts didn't read the literature on the improbability of the paranormal; they are PISSED and seem to blame Grandma. Before a visible attack, Grandma hears them in her headphones; a crescendo of whispers "Why did you KILL DADDY!?" or "....stay....BACK.." (It's easy to assume that my nightmares are going to be a bit more interesting over the turkey induced sleep this weekend.) The controller for her Playstation 2 vibrates her hands, jolting the upcoming battle between her camera and the beasts into focus.

The game has two difficulty modes, Easy and Normal; so Grandma chose "Normal" to get the full Ghost-Hunting experience, not wanting a successful journey back to the Lost Village to be just ...handed to her. This decision perhaps means more ghosts, more shots needed to destroy them, and less supplies which to use to accomplish her objectives.

That doesn't mean she's going back to hours of World Championship Poker on XBox Live or attempting a go at our copy of Sly Cooper 3 everyone else finally finished or even continuing her quest to defeat the infamous God Mode to God of War to alleviate her frustrations, far from it. Fatal Frame III is the principle topic of conversation when she and I are driving somewhere or eating lunch. Today for example:

Grandma - "Did you see that comment Bi-Coastal Eddie left the other day? Apparently the poor bastard is stuck in Hour 7. Now I don't feel so bad about having troubles with this bitch."

Me - "Have you looked at GameFAQs? Maybe there is a decent guide you could-"

Grandma - "Not this time. This one has to be done just right, that's why there is so little film to find; you have to KNOW when to shoot and when to run- otherwise you're FUCKED. No guide is going to help that."

Me - "Well you have been at the thing for a while..."

Grandma - "It's a lot of searching, Tim. It's not always obvious where you need to go. Everything's ...subtle. It's difficult, sure- it's hard as FUCK, but ...I like it."

Me - "Well now I have to play this.

Grandma - "Well, you're going to have to WAIT."

Me - "Yeah... I know."


I think it's safe to say she's into Fatal Frame III.

Game on!