We Made Jack Thompson's Game, Await Confirmation of Payment to Charity

--UPDATE-- JACK RESPONDS --Scroll Down For More Information--

We did it, everybody- and you helped us out. I compiled the actionscripting today and finished the game about an hour ago, and then went through as much debugging as I could.

Here it is, for our submission to Jack's proposal and for your enjoyment:

Zork Thompson v1.0

Thank you everyone for helping us out with different ideas. Although they didn't really deviate much from our original script, they still helped us with structure and presentation. We did add some items and conditional endings, so if you want to take the time to look, they are certainly there for you.

As per the conditions of Jack's proposal, we have created and manufactured a game to meet his criteria, and will distribute it here for all freely (and if you like, you may take it and distribute it also) and if "selling" the game is also a factor, then we will appreciate any PayPal donations sent to my e-mail address.

It's your move, Jack.

--Update:

Sunday Morning: We fixed some small browser and spelling errors, tried to e-mail Jack, but his public e-mail address on Stopkill bounces everything back. I Am Jack's Complete Lack Of Surprise.

Sunday Night: Fixed the interface problems of text-only clicking, so now it runs a little smoother, a little faster. I will call Jack tomorrow with the number provided by Stopkill. If that doesn't work, perhaps the Florida Bar Association will have a directory we can try. If you guys have any ideas for improving the game or additions, let me know.

--Update:

Monday Morning: The always awesome Kotaku linked to us and Zork Thompson v1.0, so the game is being played by quite a few people! The Wikipedia entry for Jack Thompson now has a section for Jack's Proposal, and it lists other text-adventure games made in response at the same time we published ours, so you guys know what that means: great minds think alike, bitch!

So here they are, the list of text-adventure games the community has made in response to Jack's proposal:

Zork Thompson v1.0
Jack Thompson Presents... OSAKI!
A Modest Video Game Proposal
The Golden Rule: O.K.'s Revenge!

Each game addresses Jack's proposal to eat the young of the video game industry in its own way, so be sure to check each of them out. I e-mailed the folks who made "Jack Thompson Presents... OSAKI!" and we're pretty much in agreement as to the purpose of these games.

There you have it Mr. Thompson. The community has responded to you, Johnny-On-The-Spot as it were. Please respond to us, counselor.

--UPDATE-- JACK RESPONDS

I called the number provided on Stopkill this morning. Jack picked up quickly, said he was in another call and politely said he would call back the number on his Caller ID when he was finished.

And so he did.

We talked for about a half hour. There wasn't any screaming involved, and we both stayed fairly civil. Jack very much wanted to argue politics more than talk about his proposal. Some main points of the conversation: I stated I disagreed with Jack on a great many things, but that we could both benefit from this, for in his statement to Gamepolitics that claims the entirety of the proposal was satire on the likes of Swift, which would also mean that his offer of $10,000 to charity was also satire. If Jack would cough up the money, then at least he could save face. Also, our game has serious concequences for punching police officers and purhcasing guns for a murder. He changed the subject. He wondered what I meant when I said that I disagree with him on many things, and said it was because I don't actually know his positions, which he began to list.

I do know his positions, I did my research before we did this thing.

My disagreements with Jack were with Government regulation of video game sales, for starters. I don't believe the Government should get involved. He said they already do with alcohol and pornography, so they plausibly could. Alcohol, I said, shouldn't be sold to minors because it WILL cause harm. (Yes, I drink, I know the hypocrisy but I'm 22 and legal dammit!) Tobacco WILL cause harm. (Yes, I smoke Camel Turkish Royal, but I didn't start until college.) Pornography, like video games, I believe, is NOT harmful, and I think they should not have such regulation. He laughed at that one and called me a libertarian. Coming from Jack I have my doubts, but I took it as merely a classification rather than an insult.

Jack likes to use the phrase "you can't say with a straight face..." a LOT. I began to secretly make distorted, Kabuki theater expressions as I spoke to him, just to see if it were true.

We discussed other things about games, but here's the answer we've all been waiting for: "NO!"

Jack said we merely made a Flash game, not a First Person Shooter, and we are not "Moguls," we are not going to sell it in boxes at brick and mortar retail stores, and so we don't meet the criteria of his proposal (which, remember was a satire anyway, so I'm not sure why he's arguing semantics; ABOUT WHICH you will discover he was actually incorrect...) so you know what that means?

That means NO statement from Jack declaring the game made, and more importantly NO money for charity. As it turns out, we didn't read "I have a modest proposal for the video game industry. I'll write a check for $10,000 to the favorite charity of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc's chairman, Paul Eibeler - a man Bernard Goldberg ranks as #43 in his book 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America - if any video game company will create, manufacture, distribute, and sell a video game in 2006 like the following..." carefully enough for Jack's liking, so the starving children don't get their money.

See, we followed the criteria TO THE LETTER. This site will remain online well into 2006, so consider the game done. Several times. With different results.

Jack is not paying.

It might be because Paul Eibeler gives money to a charity Jack doesn't approve of, like the EVIL folks at the ACLU or some such thing. (Note: I like the ACLU, I'd be a member if I could pay the $35.00 a year.) Jack may be trying to expose Paul as a crazy man who gives crazy money to crazy shit in the final breaths of battle, but who knows, he wouldn't tell me. "Call Paul Eibeler and talk to him" he says.

Damn, this is a lot of phone tag for a mesely $10 grand donation.

I told him that in the meantime, he should play our game, I've got the URL for it right here all handy like...

He said he didn't have time.


In his final words to me, he said "Like you said, we disagree on a great many things."