Grandma is not "Street"

She just likes to swear. Yes, it may be due to to our non-existence at local churches, her blue-collar upbringing, her particular fondness of spicy food, but who really cares why she is the way she is. It may have been an overstatement to say she is a kindly old lady "off the court" and that her personality somehow changes when she's gaming; an overstatement only because she is somewhat a pariah with the local neighborhood kids.

This requires further background. In our house at the moment before next semester there is Grandma, 69; Mom, 43; Me, 22; Kenny, 14; and the twins, Barbie (named after Grandma) and Bobby, both 12. This means that my younger siblings friends are of that annoying stage of their life where every stick they pick up is a phallus and every hole they find is a sphincter; producing an age of crazed MTV / Nick Jr. hybrids who listen to decent music yet still scream "PENIS!!" when riding by a tree on their bike.

This, understandably, is pretty goddamn irritating. Grandma, however, is not one to just let the penis-bikers roll by, thinking "Christ, they're going to look back on themselves and cry" like the rest of us; no. She will proceed to terrify the living shit out of these kids. She has screamed out the window for complete stranger's children to "Get the FUCK out of our LAWN your making our FUCKING dogs FUCKING BARK!!!" Now normally, I would quietly laugh to myself thinking they get what they deserve, I mean- it's their fault we have to go 25 m.p.h. in this godforsaken neighborhood; but it's not always the punks that get yelled at. Sometimes it's some innocent little boy, playfully chasing a seseme street ball into the yard just a bit, right before going back to his Daddy and trying to enjoy a happy fun game outside. Grandma doesn't always wear her glasses, she only knows that the Sith cater to no one when you turn off the auto-pause function in Knights of the Old Republic, and that the dogs won't shut up- ruining some good dialogue between Carth and Bastilla on the nature of the Dark Side; so out the window goes her head, stretching so far outside the skin on her neck portrudes veins not meant to be seen, like some comic book character emoting in sheer extremeness: "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE YARD, ASSHOLE!!!!!!"

I feel bad for the kid, and for the kid's father who now has to explain to his sobbing boy why the mean lady across the street hates him so much, but she's Grandma, so whatchagonnadoo?