Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

The Scream Heard 'Round The Hospital

Picture a hospital. Imagine you are walking through the cold, sterile hallways of some cardiovascular ward passing someone carrying flowers to someone in the maternity level upstairs who just had a baby; someone else talking to their family in hushed voices so as not to wake the kid with a broken leg in the bed next to theirs; some white coated grad-student walking quickly for rounds in the emergency room with some intimidating doctor who thinks the show ER was real and Michael Chrichton is a screenwriting god; you pass some other folks going to the hospital's chapel for some kind of relief, some kind of solace as their best friend is wheeled, bed and all, into an awaiting O.R. for surgery; some kid playing with abandoned electrical scooters being chastised by her mother for "disturbing the peace." You are calm, everything is clean, and other than the occasional page from the loudspeakers for a surgeon who spent a little too much time in the cafeteria, everything is quiet.

Then you hear it. You hear the scream.

Grandma has the newest edition of one of her favorite magazines, EGM, Electronic Gaming Monthly. I made sure she had at least something to read in that god-awful place, and the issue came just in time. On its cover this month is a picture of Cloud from Advent Children and the headline underneath reads something like "Final Fantasy XII, The Definitive Report." Apparently, they knew that Square Enix has oodles of material coming up and they needed a big story. They found it in the rumors behind the delays; the story of Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus and a possible but unlikely version of FFVII for the PS3.

In the copy of one of these stories they mention the release date for Dirge of Cerberus, the shooter staring Vincent and friends after the destruction of Midgar.

That release date is not this fall.

I wasn't there when it happened, so like you I can only imagine. I can guess it was a long, pronounced assault from the guttural cries of some ancient animal from which Grandma evolved, echoing off the long hallways and glass doors of the hospital.

Specifically I think it went something like:

"MOTHER FUCKERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

--Again, THANK YOU for the support everybody, Grandma needs it right now. She had an ultrasound of her heart and neck this morning, along with a big ol' shot of Cumidan (a blood thinner) into her stomach. Thank fucking Christ I wasn't there for that one. As Grandma put it- "Meh... It wasn't so bad." Fucking A it wasn't Grandma. I wasn't at your bedside to pass out. Rock on! Thanks everybody!!--

I went to see Grandma again tonight. The hospital doesn't have WiFi so I went and printed Grandma's fan mail and "get well" messages :) She read the articles you sent, the comments you left, everything but the animated e-cards (she'll see those when she gets home).

So far, the news is she's staying again tonight. They ruled out blood clot and are moving back towards the heart after an abnormal stress test result. They said not to worry, no big deal; but I trust doctors as far as I can throw them, and that's just before it would reach second base anyway, so ...the fuck good is that? Here's what they're doing tomorrow: They make a small cut into her leg, then very carefully shove a probe into her artery and up to the heart to check shit out. Most of you know about that sort of catheter so I'll leave the description at that. Bottom line, Grandma HATES to have this done, and she let the doctor know it in her own special way. I was there :) After speaking with the doctor there today, I think she's going to be alright. She'll be set to go back to gaming with more energy and possibly the organs of a more ferocious beast if we pay extra, I'm hoping baboon.

It's like you guys said. Piss and Vinegar, man.
Piss and Vinegar.


  • At 5:40 PM, Blogger Leci said…

    That sucks. :/ Did any doctors come in to see what was wrong?

  • At 5:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My father had a DVT (deep vein thrombosis) a couple years ago, and he's been on Coumadin pretty much ever since. Turned out we have a genetic defect that makes us more prone to clots. The Coumadin isn't fun, but she's a tough ol' gal and she'll get through it!

  • At 6:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I read what you said about the hospital. Can she not go somewhere else? That worries me. I said a prayer for her today, and hope she is well soon. Too bad her doc isn't a video game fanatic. I bet there are some out there. Many doctors are sort of eccentric too.

  • At 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    as far as shots go coumadin are the easiest(done with the smallest needle possible)...i'm a cardiac nurse so i know things :) thanks for updating, my thoughts are with you and your family. being in a hospital sucks...and i'm not even the patient while i'm there!

  • At 7:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hah, i think i made the same sound when i read the FFXII article in EGM. i really hope Gramma gets better! i'm sending all of my well wishes to her. ^_^

  • At 8:29 PM, Blogger Ozark said…

    all the best to Grandma. hope to see up soon and back to killing minotaurs and leveling up.

  • At 12:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tell me what hospital, I'll come help you kidnap Grandma.

  • At 5:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hope she's doing better soon--- Greensboro,NC, loves Grandma!!!

  • At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I do hope grandma is okay.

    Best wishes for her, and I do hope she gets back to being good old gaming grandma. :)

  • At 11:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hope grandma gets better.I haven't been here as long as the others,but I wish I had a grandma like that.

  • At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Get well, Grandma. I love you.

  • At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Am also a Grandma who is to start the same blood thinner. I agree with the shriek! Do you need help getting her out of there? Am 72, 5' tall and not big, but I can help!

  • At 2:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    where images getDiablo III items coumadin would be the best(completed with the actual filling device possible)...i am a cardiac health care worker and so i understand points :) thanks for upgrading, my thoughts usually are along and your
    Diablo 3 Gold kaufen loved ones. being in a infirmary soaks up...and i am not the patient while i'm there!


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