Grandma Wishes Psychonauts Dead
Grandma has peaked in Psychonauts. Her temper has reached it's worst, and she has uttered the phrase "I should throw this GOD DAMN FUCKING GAME OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW GOD DAMMIT!!!! FUCK!!!!"
She's stuck.
She has to put the beat down on a very large dude with a meat cleaver who moans "BUUNNNYYY!!!" and trys to chop you. One has to run up his arm (sort of like the Giants in Resident Evil 4) to get to any point of doing damage. She just can't do it yet. I wrote down her statements of the past 10 minutes or so, uncensored. If there are any children around you, send them to bed and tell them something scary to make them stay there. It gets bad from here on in....
"Motherfucker! This cocksucking asshole keeps- MOTHER FUCKER!!"
[...]
"God damn, this fucker.... you fuckhead, you shit you- NO!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!"
[...]
Me- "How do you kill him?"
Grandma- "You have to run up his GOD DAMN ARMS!!! SHIT!!!"
Me- "I'm going to go turn on the dishwasher or something...."
[...]
"I don't understand how you're suppose to stay on!! I DON'T UNDER STAND HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GET ON--- MOTHER FUCKER!!"
[...]
"BITCH!"
[...]
"This is the dumbest god damn thing... I don't get this! I just don't get it! I'm going to throw this fucking game away-- because it's never going to END-- IT'S NEVER GOING TO-- GOD DAMMIT!!!!!"
[...]
"Cocksucker.......Fuck......BITCH!.......NOO!!!!!! NO!! GOD DAMMIT!!! [speaking to game] Do you realize how LONG I'VE BEEN AT THIS?? YOU SHIT?! FUCK YOU!!!"
[...]
"I fucking give up... I'm putting on poker, this is FUCKING ridiculous, I can't DO THIS SHIT!"
[...]
"FUCK!!!!! MOTHER FUCKER!! KISS my ass, you giant fucking ASSHOLE!!"
[...]
"JUST DIE already you piece of shit.... it just keeps fucking GOING...."
[...]
Grandma- "Get Bobby in here, maybe he can do it."
Me- "Alright..." [fetches the boy]
Bobby- "What?"
Grandma- "BEAT THE SHIT out of this guy."
Bobby- "Okay.... what does this button do?"
Grandma- "NO! You have to run up his arm-"
Bobby- "How do I jump?"
Grandma- "RUN UP HIS ARM!!"
Bobby- "I can't! I don't know how to play this game!"
Grandma- "FUCK!! Tim, you do it, I give up."
Me- "I don't know the buttons or anything, I haven't started a file yet..."
Grandma- "FUCK!!!!!!!"
[...]
[Game]- BUUNNYYY!!!
Grandma- [high crazy voice] "BUNNY!! BUNNY!! FUCKING BUNNY!!! Say it again, go ahead- SAY IT AGAIN!! FUCK, I'm tired of this guy!"
[...]
..........you bitch. I'll see you later.......
Then she got up, turned off the console and replaced the game with WCP and signed on the XBox Live, ready to kill. She's going to pick it up again tonight when she's more relaxed. Psychonauts has penetrated HER mind, ironically enough, and it found her "Anger Core..." It's going to be a long night....
--Updates coming tomorrow! Thanks everybody!--
She's stuck.
She has to put the beat down on a very large dude with a meat cleaver who moans "BUUNNNYYY!!!" and trys to chop you. One has to run up his arm (sort of like the Giants in Resident Evil 4) to get to any point of doing damage. She just can't do it yet. I wrote down her statements of the past 10 minutes or so, uncensored. If there are any children around you, send them to bed and tell them something scary to make them stay there. It gets bad from here on in....
"Motherfucker! This cocksucking asshole keeps- MOTHER FUCKER!!"
[...]
"God damn, this fucker.... you fuckhead, you shit you- NO!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!"
[...]
Me- "How do you kill him?"
Grandma- "You have to run up his GOD DAMN ARMS!!! SHIT!!!"
Me- "I'm going to go turn on the dishwasher or something...."
[...]
"I don't understand how you're suppose to stay on!! I DON'T UNDER STAND HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GET ON--- MOTHER FUCKER!!"
[...]
"BITCH!"
[...]
"This is the dumbest god damn thing... I don't get this! I just don't get it! I'm going to throw this fucking game away-- because it's never going to END-- IT'S NEVER GOING TO-- GOD DAMMIT!!!!!"
[...]
"Cocksucker.......Fuck......BITCH!.......NOO!!!!!! NO!! GOD DAMMIT!!! [speaking to game] Do you realize how LONG I'VE BEEN AT THIS?? YOU SHIT?! FUCK YOU!!!"
[...]
"I fucking give up... I'm putting on poker, this is FUCKING ridiculous, I can't DO THIS SHIT!"
[...]
"FUCK!!!!! MOTHER FUCKER!! KISS my ass, you giant fucking ASSHOLE!!"
[...]
"JUST DIE already you piece of shit.... it just keeps fucking GOING...."
[...]
Grandma- "Get Bobby in here, maybe he can do it."
Me- "Alright..." [fetches the boy]
Bobby- "What?"
Grandma- "BEAT THE SHIT out of this guy."
Bobby- "Okay.... what does this button do?"
Grandma- "NO! You have to run up his arm-"
Bobby- "How do I jump?"
Grandma- "RUN UP HIS ARM!!"
Bobby- "I can't! I don't know how to play this game!"
Grandma- "FUCK!! Tim, you do it, I give up."
Me- "I don't know the buttons or anything, I haven't started a file yet..."
Grandma- "FUCK!!!!!!!"
[...]
[Game]- BUUNNYYY!!!
Grandma- [high crazy voice] "BUNNY!! BUNNY!! FUCKING BUNNY!!! Say it again, go ahead- SAY IT AGAIN!! FUCK, I'm tired of this guy!"
[...]
..........you bitch. I'll see you later.......
Then she got up, turned off the console and replaced the game with WCP and signed on the XBox Live, ready to kill. She's going to pick it up again tonight when she's more relaxed. Psychonauts has penetrated HER mind, ironically enough, and it found her "Anger Core..." It's going to be a long night....
--Updates coming tomorrow! Thanks everybody!--
18 Comments:
At 9:13 PM,
Anonymous said…
i love this woman i think she missed her calling as a motivational speaker or better yet she and bernie mac should open a daycare he could do her light work:) anyway i don't "game" but watching grandma and reading your perfect interpretation of that craziness is the highlight of my day thanks and love to grandma
At 9:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
the last level/mind of psychonauts is ridiculously difficult-it almost made me throw the game out the window too. it's the only thing i didn't like about the game. my husband skipped the last level and just watched the end movie from my file after watching me get so frustrated. hang in there, you'll eventually kill him a lot and it will be very satisfying.
At 11:07 PM,
Leci said…
Grandma's frusteration shouldn't make us all laugh this much, Tim.
I swear, it seems like whenever I am in a bad mood, I just come here and you have posted something absolutely hilarious. It always cheers me up.
At 11:16 PM,
Jesse said…
Wow, I thought the clever dude was the easiest part of that level.. Granted the whole of meat circus was HELL.
Otherwise, psychonauts was the best game I have played in a long time.
At 12:09 AM,
Crappygamer said…
keep rockin grandma, you rule!
-game on
At 12:27 AM,
Anonymous said…
Ooh, Ooh! I get to give advice? AWESOME.
Try using levitation to jump up to just above his head and dive down on it instead, it's much easier that way.
Can't wait to see what you think of the very final boss... He's much harder. :(
At 1:45 AM,
Anonymous said…
Fuckin' funniest shit I ever read. God damn it Grandma, you rule!! Beat his fucking ass!
(Her swearing seems to rub off on me XD)
At 8:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
I love reading about grandma, but i was just thinking---is there any chance that the game could have caused or contributed to grandma being hospitalized? (ie., blood pressure, heart)? It affected my aunt in this way!!!
At 10:45 AM,
Anonymous said…
Happens to the best. I still remember the gaurdian from Eternal Darkness, may that cock sucker burn in hell for all eternity.
At 11:22 AM,
Anonymous said…
I gave up this morning on the knife throwing guys, so she's made it farther than me.
This would've been one of the best games of all time except for this final level. That killed it for me.
At 12:01 PM,
CtrlAltDelete said…
JESUS! Is the final level going to be THAT bad?? Oh she's going to LOVE this! Already, she was reading the comments saying "Christ, they're saying it's going to get fucking HARDER!!"
This is going to be fun, people :) I'll make a video for everybody. I just can't pass this opportunity up.
At 7:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
this post reminds me a lot of when i was playing Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door. I was cursing like a sailor at one particularly hard level (fricken skelton pirate). Has grandma picked that one up yet? It's a really great game. ^_^
At 11:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
Whenever I plan Halo 2 online, I see Grandma's playing poker. I'm considering buying the poker game just to play it with her, lol!
At 10:47 AM,
McBoozo the Clown said…
Isn't that clever guy from the movie Nightmare Before Christmas?
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