Old Grandma Hardcore

This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Grandma Discovers God Mode

God mode. A strange little phrase used frequently in video games; but not like this. I started my own God of War save last night when Grandma wasn't home. I didn't have the three options at the beginning Grandma had; Mortal (Easy)-Hero (Normal)-Spartan (Hard); I had a fourth, although still currently locked choice, GOD (Very Hard). I selected Normal so I'd be a step down from Grandma by the time she plays a second time through.

When she was back, I showed her the option. "Fuck, Tim! It's already a bitch! I guess this is going to take awhile...."

When Grandma starts a new game, she starts on Normal. Not because Easy Mode is "for pussies" (as she constantly reminds me in the original Halo) but rather to make sure she gets the full experience of the game. Sometimes items and powers in games are level restrictive, so why do that to yourself? Also- if she gets stuck and needs a quick strategy guide from GameFAQs.com; chances are the guide will be written playing Normal Mode. If Grandma likes the game enough and really obsesses over getting every little thing, (so... always), she'll play the game again, notching up the difficulty level by one; so when Grandma plays God Mode in God of War, it will have been her third time through. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up with her this week in the game, usually I'm a bit faster than her.

Grandma's opinion of the VMA's last night were extremely similar to mine. First: Gorillaz never wins anything, and they should. Second: God damn, why did Green Day win everything?
Quothe the Grandma: "Jesus CHRIST they won again??"
You figure a band that has saturated every Clear Channel station with the same two songs for the past year would get annoying. I dig Green Day; saw them when they were on their Nimrod tour back in the day. But god DAMN! And Third: It's difficult to get into a performance when you're changing the channel during commercials to make sure all our Southern readers are alright. To you folks in Louisiana, Alabama, and Mississippi- we drink to you tonight. Stay safe.

--Updates coming later today; Ask Grandma Hardcore: tonight's topic "Jack Thompson: The Fred Phelps of the Gaming World...." More on God of War..... Another Video....... Etc.,.... Thanks for the comments and e-mails!--


  • At 11:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "The Fred Phelps of the gaming world" is a Pulitzer-caliber description of Jack Thompson.

    Read the Wikipedia entry on Jack Thompson, even I was shocked:


  • At 11:07 AM, Blogger adam. said…

    wow, grandma sure tore through that the first time, not that i ever doubted her... what did she think overall of the game in its first run through? ive been tempted to pick it up when it gets a tad cheaper but seeing as grandma had it done in 72 hours or so im not sure its worth the investment, maybe just a rental. heh.

  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    I can't say I was shocked by the article in wiki, the guy is very predictably a douche.

    Grandma didn't finish the first time yet! God mode is still locked until she beats it once through in Normal Mode. At the moment she's "On the road to Atlas" or some such thing, so she's got a bit to go yet.

  • At 1:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…



  • At 2:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    1: Has OGH ever played Castlevania SOTN (PS1)?
    2: OGH should play Castlevania SOTN (PS1).
    3: OGH should play thought Castlevania SOTN with Maria, if you or her are lucky enough to own a Sega Saturn with the imported copy of the game.

  • At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can only imagine the strings of profanitys that would be caused solely by those GODDAMNED MEDUSA HEADS
    (Medusa heads knock you into a few different things: Holes, spikes, AND MORE GODDAMNED MEDUSA HEADS0

    Anyway, My question is if OGH Enjoys Strategy RPGs such as Final fantasy tactics and Ogre battle?. If so I'd suggest that she plays Makai Kingdom

  • At 3:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I gotta agree, Gorillaz are awesome. Anyone who can make a song stick in my head (Clint Eastwood) for three years deserves some sort of recognition, and Demon Days rocked many a sock. It hasn't stopped for well over four months.

  • At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, I was wondering if Grandma Hardcore has an RSS feed? This is such an awesome read!

  • At 7:09 PM, Blogger CtrlAltDelete said…

    Anon- we do have an RSS feed! here's a post all for you :)

    YES, Grandma has played Castlevania: Symphony of the Night for Playstation, I haven't yet. She did have a Saturn once, but she didn't own many imports.

    She does enjoy Final Fantasy Tactics, so I'll relay the message about MK!

    I like Gorillaz, I don't care what anybody says, man. Rock on.

  • At 5:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    On God Mode-

    My cousin and I just finished this mode... perhaps yesterday. I assure it was the greatest, most painful, and most profanity-inducing experience of my electronic life. But god DAMN was it worth it.

    Good luck, and prepare for the worst.

    p.s. Ruby Weapon don't got nothin' on this one!

    Better p.s. : I want to see a video of Grandma fighting/winning that last battle. =D


  • At 7:30 PM, Blogger Lebron John said…

    Wow! The best place to buy the safest and cheapest POE Currency.

    Attached link: https://www.poecurrency.com/


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