tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-138202462024-03-28T04:18:22.783-05:00Old Grandma HardcoreThis blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has. These are her stories. She is absolutely real. She lives in Cleveland.CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.comBlogger325125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-84346831482686455312013-03-26T15:51:00.001-05:002013-03-26T15:51:18.486-05:00Of thy sins shall I wash thee..CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com307tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-5806796021584544142011-12-29T20:53:00.002-05:002011-12-29T20:58:39.151-05:00Video 27: Grandma plays SkyrimCtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com156tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-54587531324722351982011-01-21T03:58:00.002-05:002011-01-21T05:27:58.379-05:00It's been a long time, stranger!Well... shit.I suppose I should tell you right now: it's my fault. I haven't posted close to a year now. There really isn't a good reason for that. There's a lot of bullshit spam in the comment section on older posts that I haven't cleaned up. There isn't a good reason for that, either. You deserve an update and more.The short of it is Grandma is doing just fine, for the most part. CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com346tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-85313499858314318902010-03-25T18:08:00.003-05:002010-03-25T20:25:35.848-05:00Grandma is seriously pissed off todayRight, so...This kind of post doesn't happen very often.Grandma has her regular bookmarks on her Firefox toolbar that she clicks through every day for some gaming goodness. Destructoid, Kotaku, Joystiq, Crispy Gamer, The Escapist, etc.,.. She takes the dog out, makes a cup of coffee, sits down at her computer, checks her email and thus begins her routine a couple times a day.Well, today she CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com111tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-75797396469671644742010-03-16T10:08:00.004-05:002010-03-16T10:22:12.085-05:00Video 26: Grandma plays Final Fantasy XIIIFilmed yesterday, so it gives you a good idea of how far in she is on her first playthrough. She's still learning strategy, so if you have any tips on how she can improve her battle ratings, she's very open to your advice.I'm no help. I can't follow what the hell is going on when I watch her, and I'm not going to start a game myself until she's done with the thing.Also: I did the best I couldCtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com132tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-58143620072105008372010-03-09T21:35:00.005-05:002010-03-09T23:11:09.181-05:00Grandma's playing Final Fantasy XIIIFinal Fantasy XIII has been the focus of Grandma's anticipation since 2006. Whenever a game she played didn't quite pass muster or when a giant hole of suck formed on a new releases calendar, she would wonder, out loud, to nobody in particular: "I wonder when Thirteen is coming out."She said this so much that FFXIII became the Undying Lands to Grandma's Middle-earth, spilling into conversationsCtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-9235011965716687312010-02-17T16:19:00.005-05:002010-02-17T17:29:50.893-05:00We did something horrible and wonderful today.I want you to picture yourself at a department store.You're slightly depressed. You figure a little shopping therapy will do you some good; blow a little money on yourself as a distraction from whatever is pissing you off. You picked out a shirt you kind of like and you're standing in line at the register.The person in front of you is chatting with the sales clerk. "Do you think this top isCtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-66841907895276009722010-02-01T06:35:00.002-05:002010-02-01T07:51:29.674-05:00Happy Birthday, Grandma!On February 1st, 1936, Grandma probably wasn't thinking about Final Fantasy XIII. She wasn't anticipating BioShock 2 or Mass Effect 2. She wasn't arguing the benefits of published strategy guides versus GameFAQs. Nor was she pondering Roosevelt's economic theory, now that I think about it.Because she couldn't talk yet.After Dead Space, Grandma was solid into Modern Warfare 2 for awhile. CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-31052439751400851712009-11-16T23:50:00.005-05:002009-11-17T00:15:24.900-05:00Video 25: Grandma plays Dead SpaceA couple things about this one: first, it's dark. This is how Grandma insists on playing it (she was the same way about the Fatal Frame series). Second: I noticed she's sporting the Left 4 Dead 2 shirt she scored from PAX :)Try as I might to get her to use the saw in a more, say.. practical manner, she gets by just shooting the holy hell out of everything until she has nothing left in her CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com60tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-67987371157674926862009-11-01T16:27:00.008-05:002009-11-01T17:08:10.448-05:00EA's Ian Milham gives Grandma the gift of awesomenessIn yet another puzzling roadblock for Grandma's quest to answer "Who the fuck am I?", Ian Milham, art director of Dead Space, sent Grandma a very special Halloween present.And the fantastic depiction of Grandma wielding a 211-V Plasma Cutter was only the beginning.Ian assures Grandma that her apparent love of survival horror games is not at all complete without the addition of Dead Space. Sure,CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-78018610198674326822009-10-29T16:54:00.003-05:002009-11-01T16:27:25.237-05:00Video 24: Grandma plays Brutal LegendI'd say never so much before has a game made Grandma squeal with joy whilst simultaneously pissing her off, but you know that's not true. That describes pretty much every goddamn game she likes.She absolutely adored it.Brutal Legend is not an easy game. Usually if a game seems relatively impossible, Grandma will lower down the difficulty, play until she gets the hang of things and slowly CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-28883234467783112622009-10-20T09:07:00.007-05:002009-10-20T19:19:36.311-05:00Helter SkelterGrandma has been enjoying the hell out of Beatles Rock Band on her PS3. We're poor, so she bought one of those value-deal type thingies where it came with the original Rock Band instruments instead of the cool new Beatles instruments. And that's okay. We already had the original Rock Band for the kids' PS2, and the instruments are the same, so now we have two of everything, which is enough CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-81764511411265946702009-09-08T00:12:00.197-05:002009-09-11T00:58:30.323-05:00PAX 2009: Holy ShitOur plane just landed back in Cleveland a little while ago.Businessmen and tourists have the luxury of West to East jet-lag that allows them the magical feeling of being in the future when they get home. We were not afforded such pleasures. The last five days were so solidly packed with awesome that the artificial systems of time imposed upon the rest of the world no longer hold meaning to CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com136tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-66484129489617371672009-09-03T00:47:00.002-05:002009-09-03T01:16:07.432-05:00See you guys at PAX!It's about 2:00am EST and we're about to leave for the airport. Grandma is ridiculously excited for this trip. Excited, and perhaps a bit nervous. PAX has sold out. We got our pre-reg packet in the mail as promised so we're good, but it's going to be a hell of a lot of people this year it seems. That's not the problem- the more the merrier of course; Long Live Penny Arcade! But I CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-49131280410523028782009-07-25T20:26:00.009-05:002009-07-26T02:15:15.857-05:00Lights and tunnelsGrandma's life is finally resembling something others call "normal." She has completed cardiac therapy, which is another way of saying Medicare won't pay for it anymore. They gave her a certificate reminiscent of the "Pleasure to have in class" awards teachers give to elementary school students which we threatened to hang on the refrigerator. "You hang that shit up there and I swear to god CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-15225433211636793412009-04-18T19:47:00.009-05:002009-04-19T01:29:29.019-05:00One day at a fuckin' timeGrandma's bypass surgery was February 16th. It's now almost May and and the first glimmer of normalcy is creeping into Grandma's overstressed life in the form of getting utterly pissed off at Professional Mode in Resident Evil 5 on her 360. The past month and a half of never-ending hospital visits, close scares, and doctor's appointments definitely rank as the most pain she has ever felt in CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com70tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-56143813159678962592009-02-19T13:05:00.005-05:002009-02-19T18:01:01.574-05:00And the fun just keeps coming!Grandma and I haven't posted anything in a little while. It's only fair that you folks know why.The short of it is this: Grandma has been in and out of the hospital since just after the holidays. Her back pain got to the point where something had to be done. She's been to several specialists to see if anything could be diagnosed, let alone treated. The medication wasn't helping, so under CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-64364251463154462412009-01-07T00:30:00.002-05:002009-01-07T00:35:21.622-05:00Video 23: Grandma plays Brothers in Arms - Hell's HighwayI know I can't keep the schedule right at the moment, so I'll post a video of what she's playing today.She got CoD: World at War for Christmas, which she's still trying to defeat on Veteran mode. Fallout 3 is pretty much as done as you can get, but she didn't really want to go back through and play as a Neutral character because it just doesn't seem as fun as being an absolute saint or a CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-74443460153758903992008-11-08T01:50:00.002-05:002008-11-08T03:20:30.071-05:00Let's back up for a minute...Okay!Here is what I've been up to: Work work work work work work work. I don't think I've played a game in months. It makes me sad.Here's what Grandma has been up to: NCAA Football 08', Metal Gear Solid 4, F.E.A.R., Infinite Undiscovery, Fable II, Resistance 2, and now Fallout 3.She just started Fallout 3 and Resistance 2, so there isn't much to say yet. But I can give you a quick rundown CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-44904917990676009092008-09-05T04:08:00.005-05:002009-09-10T06:54:39.729-05:00The Great EA Adventure, Part 4I'm a news photographer. That's my day job. Every instance I get to shoot an assignment, make some composition, some ethical choice- to say "no, I can't shoot it this way, because that would be masking truth" or "no, I can't Photoshop the levels so much that the picture looks awesome because it's going too far", I get that self-righteous feeling of glee that comes from knowing I did somethingCtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-5698035086179782912008-07-24T21:23:00.003-05:002008-07-24T23:33:13.508-05:00The Great EA Adventure, Part 3The ride from the hotel to Universal Studios was a quick one. The facility was, literally, just across the street. Grandma chatted a bit with Peter, an actor living in New York a little younger than me who sported a UK accent. He was a pleasant, cordial sort of dude."I wonder what it's going to be like!" was the comment of the trip, it seemed.-"It's probably a bunch of fucking big empty CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-89976611055487453542008-07-06T19:04:00.003-05:002008-07-06T21:11:39.446-05:00The Great EA Adventure, Part 2Grandma was four under par by the time I had finished eating some cold pizza. I awkwardly asked someone if I could go outside for a quick smoke. "That's what the badges are for," she said, pointing at the "Visitor Pass--Escort Required" card clipped to my shirt. I left the conference room that housed the dying rehearsal party and walked past the security guard, pointing at my badge like I CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-53471366815853092422008-06-27T21:43:00.003-05:002008-06-27T22:46:50.550-05:00The Great EA AdventureGather 'round my children; grab a stool and a stoop of ale and hear of flying machines, lizards and beasts unknown; insane cab drivers with GPS devices and waitresses and drinking and other vices. Hear of directors and producers and freelance PA's. Hear of actors and actresses and NDA's. Grandma auditioned for a commercial directed by Errol Morris promoting a new EA game (which we cannot CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-6162030963440749012008-06-05T01:40:00.005-05:002008-06-05T03:04:40.425-05:00Update!Okay! Grandma will probably do another vCast pretty soon, but I'll preempt it with a bit of an update on how she's doing and what she's playing.First up, because I know everybody's curious, Grand Theft Auto IV:Solid fucking game. You empathize with the characters and the story. The over-the-shoulder shooting style rocks, particularly with the auto-aim feature. Gorgeous graphics yet- it's CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13820246.post-17752390818334515162008-04-28T23:37:00.005-05:002008-04-28T23:50:03.678-05:00Fuck yesThere was maybe about 30 people when we got there tonight; about a hundred or so when we left.Also: there was Eric. Eric was dressed as a banana for some inexplicable reason; defying the art of logic in a Dada like display of neo-post-absurdist joy.He was cool.Game on!CtrlAltDeletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518311465975813562noreply@blogger.com54